(linguistically, this post is going to be a bit hood... certain situations call for heavy slang, yaheardme?!)
so, i went all the way to brooklyn on monday and got my feet did, and my eyebrows waxed, because they be having my shit properrr. even when i lived in MD/DC area, I'd fly home every other month and get my work done, so you know they gots to be official.
now this place is on some Home Depot shit for real. and it's so funny how they're so nonchalant about bussin' out such heavy artillery, like these aren't tools used for building a house. they do all kinds of stuff i've never seen before until i started going there, like using that drill they use on acrylics on people's toenails.
and the heavy-duty Shanehneh sander joint (I know ya'll remember that episode of Martin) on the bottoms of your feet.
I give them a nice, polite, "hells no" when they come trying to use that drill on my toesies, but I do take a nice little helping to the sander on my heels, especially during the winter time. And I'm always pleased by how soft they are.
So here's when things start getting triffling. This woman is on my right getting a pedicure and my sister is on my left getting her dogs done too. All of a sudden, I see one of the Asian Toe Masters (ATM)whip out the acrylic drill. I'm nosey, because I wanna see who really needs their toenails buzzed down with this damn acrylic drill. The woman puts her bear-claw-ass foot up...
So here's when things start getting triffling. This woman is on my right getting a pedicure and my sister is on my left getting her dogs done too. All of a sudden, I see one of the Asian Toe Masters (ATM)whip out the acrylic drill. I'm nosey, because I wanna see who really needs their toenails buzzed down with this damn acrylic drill. The woman puts her bear-claw-ass foot up...
and she has the nastiest, blackest, thickest, crustiest big-toe toenails I've ever seen in my life.
Scuzay-moi as I try to push the vomit in my throat back down and go off on a tangent:
I am so mad at that woman, not just for what happens next in this story, but for not buying some damn Lamisil. Clearly if your toenails are like that, its a damn problem. I could forgive some corns and calluses, even a bunion, but a rotten ass toenail... that you're letting get drilled down with an acrylic drill... sit the f/ck down! right now!!
I digress.
So there ATM is drilling it down like a mafuggin champ with the acrylic drill.
(My hats off to all my Asian folks working in nail shops. Ya'll are quite gangsta, and I respect you to the full. It couldn't be me... it could not be me!!)
Anyway, I look down and realize my suede black boots are between my pedicure station and CrustyBadToe over there on my left.
Anyway, I look down and realize my suede black boots are between my pedicure station and CrustyBadToe over there on my left.
With all her toenail crumbs spattered on my boots.
I was a bit distraught to say the least. Here it was, snowing, nasty, and wet on the ground, so I couldn't have just bought some flip flops from the ATMs. I can't throw my boots away cause I paid a good amount of money for them. And I love those boots! So I did what I could, shook them out, and whispered my disgust to my sister sitting on my right side:
Me: Girrrrrlll, I know you saw them toenails.
SisterSister (laughing, eyes wide): You know I did. She needs to go to the doctor with that instead of letting them use that drill.
Me: I'm so mad right now. Her toenail crust is all over my boots, looking like some damn Frito lay crumbs.
SisterSister laughs: Arrgh!!
Me:I'm so pissed.
SisterSister: Oh shit, look, she's having them paint her toes red to cover it up.
Me: Dammit to hell.
Sexy pumps on/ Toenails red/Toenails are a catastrophe/Pump them full of lead- LL Cool J & Simone_Dior
(And that's still the weakest rhyme LL ever said out his mouth)
But, I wanted to pull a Quick in Harlem Nights when he shot Vera's toe off...
"I will blow that gnarled, crusty, m/f/cka off!"
and shoot her two big toes off and leave her with eight little piggies like Quick did Vera.
but anywho..
Fellas be careful. When the nail polish remover goes on, and the red toe nail polish comes off there might be some trife ass shit to be seen.
I'm yo baby yo baby yo baby yo baby
Smdh. Look at LL's braided bracelets though. Hip Hop been gay...
Don't Eat McDonalds
I know some of ya'll are gonna continue to suck it down, but if you do, stay away from the Mc Fish, or whatever that shit is called. Or don't eat it while riding in a car where there's no airflow.
Usually, I'm not one of those people who put food up to their noses and inhale deeply, because I find it quite rude. But something inside me told me to sniff that Mc Fish that day.
Yeah. McFish is quite funky. I totally get where the phrase "she smells like fish" comes from now.
So after I ate it..
bwahahahaaa!!!
Later Gators! Have a wonderfulfantasterificsunshiny day!!
