The Set Up: Nigerian Email Scam

Hey Ya'll!
(yup, i know. back to back posts!)

I just wanna vent about Spam blocker not doing its job.

Yesterday I received the following African fuckery in my inbox:

Subject: I HAVE REGISTERED YOUR CONSINGMENT WITH THE PARCEL EXPRESS COMPANY COURIER SERVICE / Call me: Tel: +234-802525-4563

*Monie lights herself two cigarettes and puts her Klonopin on the table. It might be one of those… times*

What in the Amistad?!?!?!!?!

Keep us free!!

My imagination ran wild, and this is what happened in my mind:

Monie: First, what the hell is a “conSINGment”? Second, the “Parcel Express Company Courier Service”—that joint needs an acronym. Too much is going on. And last, there’s no “+” sign on my phone, so I can’t even call to verify this shit.

Carry on ya'll…


Mr. Wilson:

Hello,

I have been waiting for you since to contact me for your Confirmable Bank cheque of (TWO MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ) but I did not hear from you since for a couple of weeks now. Then I went to the bank to confirm if the draft has expired or getting near to the date of expire and Dr. Wilson the Director Bank of Africa told me that before the draft will get to your hand that it will expire.


(Just this once, I will ignore that hell of run on sentence)

*Lightbulb goes off in Monie’s head*

Monie: But it all makes mafuckin sense now!! This is where all the money Bank of America has been taking from me goes to!! To Africa!!

Look at 'im. It's a conspiracy. Imma tell ya'll what's really going on in this picture.

That smug mafucka is a Bank of America rep. He appears as if he's doing good by those babies, but I know the truth. He's a thief. Promising those kids my stolen two thousand united state dollars; filling them with promises of new cloths for their backs, toys, and food. These poor children. They have no idea he gives not a fuck. Kids, be warned! He will take it ALL; from the cloth on your back to the calluses on your feet!! Lawd jeezah!! You've been warned.

*Monie pops a Klonny-pin, pulls her wig off and sets it on her end table. Unbeknownst to Monie, Dinka with the help of Baby Bird Byron steal the wig and give it to the new woman in Dinka's life, Shantikafah.

She is thus pleased. *

I digress.

So yeah. A whole TWO MILLION UNITED STATE (no "s" ya'll) DOLLARS! This figure sounds like what they've taken from me over the years in overdraft fees. *shrug*

However, neither this Mr. Wilson (scroll down; that’s who this letter is from) or Dr. Wilson (hmm—wonder if they related?) has contacted me. I know I been tied up with school and moving and shit, but I would have remembered someone writing me about TWO MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS owed to me.

Carry on…


Mr. Wilson: So I told him to cash the (TWO MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS) to cash payment to avoid losing this funds under expiration as I will be out of the country for an 11 Months Course and I will not come back till Ending of SEPTEMBER. 2011.

Monie: Mr Wilson; you are ever so thoughtful. I sure hope you got all 20s and 50’s. And 1’s too. Those are my favorite.

The thing is, I don’t know if I own a bag that can even hold all that cash. And I’m a "walker" (a person who doesn’t drive or ride a bike) so I don’t know if I will be able to carry all that. Oh wait!! You did say that the PARCEL EXPRESS COMPANY COURIER SERVICE (or the PECCS as I would like to call it) is gonna deliver the shit. My fault. Look at me getting ahead of myself.

And if I may ask, where are you going for 11 months?? You planning on sticking it to me and then going to live it up on the beach somewhere no doubt.


Mr. Wilson: What you have to do now is to contact PARCEL EXPRESS COURIER SERVICES as soon as possible to know when they will deliver your Consignment to you because of the expiring date. For your information, I have paid for the delivering Charge, Insurance premium so contact;

Directors Name: MR. JOHN WILLIAMS
Company’s Name: PARCEL EXPRESS COURIER SERVICES
Email Address: (mrjohnw11000@vista.aero)
TELLPHONE: +234-802525 4563

Monie: Mr. Wilson—you hookin ya girl up! You paid for delivery and insurance. That’s whatsup.

*Blank Stare*

But I done told you, that I don’t have a “+” on my “tellphone”. How am I gonna get through to them to deliver this consignment? I guess I can always email him.

Mr. Wilson: The only money you will send to the PARCEL EXPRESS COURIER SERVICES to deliver your Consignment direct to your postal Address in your country is ($100USD) only being Security Keeping Fee of the Courier Company so far.

Again, don't be deceived by anybody to pay any other money except $100USD ONLY.

I would have paid that but they said no because they don't know when you will contact them and in case of demurrage. You have to contact the PARCEL EXPRESS COURIER SERVICES now for the delivery of your PARCEL with this information bellow;

1, Full Name:
2, Address of Residence:
3, country from:
4, Telephone Number:
5, Occupation...

Monie: I will try not to let anyone deceive me to pay anything other than the $100 USD. Do you have copies of the receipts showing you paid for insurance and delivery? Just in case they try to make me pay? Also, I’m confused, now. Is it “Parcel Express Company Courier Service or just Parcel Express Courier Service”? Anyway, thanks for letting me know you would have paid if you could. You’re very thoughtful, Mr. Wilson. Why didn’t you give them my info though? I mean, surely you have that. You’re privy to everything else…


Mr. Wilson: Finally, make sure that you reconfirm your Postal address and Direct telephone number to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery and ask them to give you the tracking number to enable you track your package over there, that will be after you paid the Security Keeping Fee and when it will get to your address. Let me repeat again, Try contact them as soon as you receive this mail and ask them how you will make the security fee of $100USD to them to avoid any further delay and remember to pay them their Security Keeping fee of $100USD for their immediate action.

Monie: I dunno about this Mr. Wilson… I smell a setup. You know I live in DC, like 4 blocks from the White House… and they have a way of finding out everything. Them some bad muthas if you didn’t know. I mean, President Obama seems really, really nice— it’s them other hos in the Cabinet that I don’t trust.


**takes hard puff of cigarette**

I just don’t wanna do nothing to mess up the (second ) start of my grown woman life. I fucked up the first one pretty badly, and now I have no couch, no bed, microwave, or electric tea kettle… and crack wasn't even involved!!

But that’s a whole nother story.

So yeah, no matter how much that TWO MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS sounds, I like the happy state of mind that I’m in (most of the time) now.

Mr. Wilson: Note this. The PARCEL EXPRESS COURIER SERVICES don't know the contents of the Box.
I registered it as a BOX of Africa cloths. They did not know the content was money? Only Dr. John knew this as confidential agreement between me and him because he advice me so, this is to avoid them delaying with the BOX. Don’t let them Know that the box content is money okay.

Monie: Mr. Wilson, you sneaky dog!! Both you and Dr. Wilson!! But why are you asking me “they did not know the content was money?” Did they, or is that just a typo. Mr. Wilson, I don’t want no trouble, you hear me?? NO TROUBLE!! I won’t let them or anyone know the box content is money. Just ordinary... African... CLOTHS.

It can be like , our little secret.

Mr. Wilson: You are to make the payment of $100 Dollars in the name of the PARCEL accountant officer (MR DABO STEVEN) for the security payment/keeping fee of your package with this payment details below:

Receiver Name: MR DABO STEVEN
Receiver Address: NO.32 GROVERS CRESCENT, ABUJA NIGERIA
Sender's Name: Your Name
Sender's Address:
Amount To be Sent: $100 usd
Text Question to be used: HOW ARE YOU
Text Answer: FINE
M.T.C.N. ( Ten Digit Number )

Monie: So is Mr. Dabo Steven in on the take as well? Or did he already get his portion of the money? Cause I’m gonna count this here currency and if it doesn’t add up to TWO MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS Imma have some questions for you and Mr. Steven.
Bad gyal don't fear. * snarl*

I will make note not to put a question mark after the text question “how are you”. I am not trying to cause further delay with this BOX.

Mr. Wilson: Make sure you send to me the payment information, which was given to you via Western Union or Money Gram.

Monie: I didn't get anything form Western Union or Money gram. Please resend. I'll more than likely use Western Union, since I’m a Western Union PRO.
*brushing dirt off shoulders*
No problem!

Mr. Wilson:You are advice to send the money today so as to avoid any delay from delivery your package to your door step. Package arrives to your doorstep in 48hrs.

Monie: Oh wow, only 48 hours…. coming from Nigeria??? You can pretty much send a BOX at light speed now I guess. That don’t sound right, Mr. Wilson.

Mr. Wilson: As soon as you make the payment of Security Keeping fee of $100USD ask them to give you your tracking number, for proper verification to avoid mistake.

This is the Couier Company website: pescnig.net

And you can call me Agent for more info +234-802525-4563

Yours Faithfully,
MR. SCOTT WILLIAMS

Monie: Um, Agent? Hold the fuck up.

I definitely need some more info. I looked at the website, and saw a mafuckin horse with a PARCEL on its back. Like some real Pony Express type shit was going on, on that website.

And if that’s the way you’re sending my TWO MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS, I'd rather we go about this in some other way. I’m quite sure it’s not gonna get here in 48 hours. Additionally, this can't be safe. No matter how much insurance you put on it.
I'm sure the horse is gonna get hungry on its way here from Nigeria. And I'm not sure whether they send the horse with food or not, but I'm not tryna fuck around with a hungry horse and have him eat my TWO MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS.

No, no, NO!! Especially after I paid my hard earned (ok, so it's Financial Aid) $100 dollars down!

Please email me in regards to the questions that I have. You can call me at 301______. Please do not put a “+” in front of my number, or you won’t be able to contact me.

Thanks.

Frightfully,

Monie

*sigh*

Dear God, it's me, Monie...
i can't.

Cause sometimes shit just needs to be said...

Just keepin it funky...

1. I want people to stop telling lies on condoms. They're great, and they work. You didn't use them and now you running around with devil spawn ass kids, lying saying the shit broke. You lie. You lie, damn you!!

2. It's ok to laugh at church. My family and I do it all the time. We making a joyful noise...get off our backs!

3. Some folks need their entire closet rebuked. We all have the one or two bammafied pics in our facebook photo albums ...however... this one chick who is linked to one of my friends, is consistently fucking up all the time.

Certain shit just don't go together. It's like when I wear my pink Frogs (fake Crocs) to the supermarket with my good jeans and cute jacket. I'm fuckin up..but I'm not turning the shit into a Kodak moment. Do better.

4. It's alright to schedule penis around hair appointments. It really is. Spontaneity is cool and all that, but fucking up your $90 of hair investment. Is not alright.

*loosening up bra strap*

5. Don't claim to be a "five star chick" if you're rocking fake Louis bags, kitten heels (Michelle Obama is the only diva allowed to wear kitten heels, i said it), with jeans, and beauty supply store weave in the club. You're just not. I said it. Bombs have been dropped, bitches, get mad.

6. To the dudes who complain about their girlfriends/wives wearing the head scarves and sweatpants in the house... nigga you don't look so great in the house neither. Your basketball shorts and Adidas shower shoes with socks aint making my coochie wet. Fuck outta here!!!

7. To all you hos that have no education, but brag on your looks/pussy. No one is impressed. Not a one. He'll fuck you but he will marry someone less cute with more education.

8. Men, same for you. Bring more than a hard dick to the table. We'll still fuck you, but you won't be coming to the office party. *shrug*

9. R. Kelly can piss on 8 more broads and wear as many purple sneakers and scarves as his heart so desires. I still fucks with him.

"Gracias baby, da me loooooooooo!"

10. Spread love. That's what a real thug do. (Sorry, I couldn't think of anything else).

Deuce here!
-Monie

(I will have a better entry coming soon. Or atleast I will try. School is kicking my ass)

Besos!

Stay tuned for the updates

Hey Blogbabies!

I know, I have been scarce. So much to tell you all about. Limited internet access because I have moved in #4's place the last week I'm here to save money. Unfortunately I will be bringing my trip to an end this Wednesday, but on the upside...scandalocity to come.

I done got some insurance dick from... let's call him Sugar. Cause that's what he likes to call himself for some strange reason I don't know. And wooo chile... Sugar slings the D like whoa. Details to come of how he picked me up and bounced me around like Ving Rhames did Mama in Babyboy

Additional fights between #4 and I... and how I felt myself gearing up to slap him with a piece of fruit.

And other tidbits from my vacay.

I know I have some folks to follow... I didn't forget ya'll ! and thanks for following me! I appreciate it.

monie

hey blogbabies!!!

i've been scarce. here enjoying Jamaica for the third time around this year. partying, minimal drinking, a smattering of mosquito bites... and #4 is back up in the mix.

*blank damn stare*

yeah, i know.. but a chick got needs. also, i have to give credit where its due.. he's been coming out the pockets for me since i got here. i guess he learned his cheap ass lesson. ya'll remember the cheap shit he pulled (go'n and click that there). however, #4 has quite a few aliases...and shit like that gets me to wondering. keep reading, i'll get to that later.

I flew in Wednesday, and Thursday my favorite cousin came to stay with me. we haven't seen each other in 5 years (she's been in England), but it was just like old times.

On Friday #4 took us out to the go-go/dancehall club (Scrub-a-dubs) and we had the best time and lots of laughs and jokes. We ended up sleeping over his house because he cussed out the security guard lady and then she cussed us all out and told me i couldn't have my guests stay because i have a single occupancy room. so now thanks to him anytime i have an overnight guests, i can't just be cool w/ security, i gotta pay $15 for every over night stay.
ugh.
that shit is gonna add up. so im lightweight torn between staying and finding somewhere else to stay. i will make up my mind on thursday though. i think what i'll do is just get a double occupancy room once my week is up.

oh yeah. lemme tell ya'll about #4's aliases. So, Saturday after him, my cousin, and I came from his house, we're catching a taxi and he's talking on the phone. My cousin hears him tell the person "It's Ryan."

Hmm.

So he gets off the phone and cuz is like "Your name is Ryan?" and he's like "My friends call me Ryan." And then he gets kinda quiet. Now, he aint never told me about no other name so i'm like, interesting.

today he left his i.d. in my room and what i believed to be his first name AINT EVEN HIS FIRST NAME! wtf?

now, i'm not tripping too hard because when i first started talking to him he did tell me that this name was his middle name. either way... some mafuckin lying is going on .

and i don't too tough like that shit.

i feel like i'm gonna find out a lot in these 3 weeks...
Carmen Sandiego is on the bloodclaat case. Whaaaaa? Shutuppppp. :/

however... he's still beating it up. i know, i'm a Slore, sue me.

He laid me the fuck OUT on the kitchen floor of my hotel room thursday night... and lets not even talk about last night... or this afternoon.
*in my New Orleans drawl*
Baby....


all i can say is he slang dick like he was born to do it. i'm convinced there's a scientific link between canibus and dickey rides.

*wipes brow*

Well, I'mma run along and get in the shower. We're supposed to go to this bar. No doubt I'll be washing my hair tommorow...cause he sho nuff gon' mess it up tonight. LOL.

To my new followers, thank you! And I can't believe I'm at 204 followers! Ya'll make a gal's day :D

besos!

Fuck Off!! Random Hate Mail

*Monie lifts her hands to the sky, and mouths to God “Why?”*

*God shrugs and mouths back “Why not? I love you, now go make your misery someone else’s laughter*

*Mo nods*
And so...

Dear Dr. D___,

I know you see vagina all day, so it aint nothing new to you. However, I’m kinda private about mine. Was it really necessary for your student assistant to be in there while you were doing my Pap smear? I’ve never had an audience before, and to be quite frank, I didn’t like that shit. I do appreciate your thoroughness though. When you asked if any of my other doctors ever told me I had “bulging eyes”, demanded that I swallow , and went on to say that you were going to test my thyroid for Graves disease I didn’t know how to take it.** Something tells me you doing me wrong like this because I have HIP Medicaid. Second class citizen, I am not. Neither is my vagina.

I still feel some kind of way. Next time, lets handle the shit one-on-one. And if you could give me the birth control I requested, that'd be kinda nice too. Thanks Dr. D___, for making my week. :(

Dear BET,

Ya’ll need to do better. Like, really need to do better. This “Played by Fame” business, that “Welcome to Dreamland” shitastrophe-- pure fuckery. Why couldn’t ya’ll pick up The Game from CW? Or give Uncle Jeff a show; one that displays that Black folks have sense? I don't appreciate seeing this type of coonery on what is supposed to be "Black Entertainment Television". When you create shitty shows like this, it sets us back . My calculations say 25 years per shitty show. Let's add it up:

Played by Fame: 25
Hell Date: 25
Welcome to Dreamland: 25
Keyshia Cole: The Way It Is (as much as I hate to say it): 100 years [50 for Neffe, 50 for Frankie]
That's 175 years. Do you know what that means?

The touch, the feel of cotton is more than the fabric of our lives.
Think about it. Again. Do better.

( Thank God for Harlem Heights. It's the one program that doesn't scream "Sambo")
Ps- stop running Menace II Society, State Property II, ATL, and Diary of a Mad Black Woman. I done had it up to here.

Dear Forever 21,

You cuntywhores, you!! I hate your exchange policy. Your accessories and bags ain’t shit. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have your handbag fall off your arm in the streets…when it was the first time you’ve ever even rocked it? Then you tell me you can’t refund me because “it’s against store policy??” Go suck your mother!! When I bought the piece-of-shit bag I was under the impression that it would add a bit of joy to my life and oomph to my wardrobe, but I was wrong. I rebuke you, Forever 21.

Dear Dan @ Associates Visa,
I hope you wake up tomorrow with morning wood and piss in your own face. Why would you give me a shitty ass deal, offering to lower my interest rate, and “forget” to disclose that if I accepted I’d be incurring late fees and over the limit fees? Why, Dan? That’s fucked up. I’ll be calling back again tomorrow w/ my “lawyers” on the line. And a refund to my bank account is so in order. Go suck your grandmother through a straw, Dan.

Dear Jerimih,

Or whatever your damn name is. Your song sucks. I wouldn't even wipe my behind with these lyrics if they were set on toilet paper!
Allow me to quote your simple ass:

“It’s your birthday and I know you want to ride out Even if its only to my house”
…oh wait, even better:
“I might just sweep you off your feet And make you wanna tell somebody (body, how I do) somebody body how i do

Pause- I’d be ashamed to tell anyone. I'd have to take Miss Ciely's Paw-Not-Paw's advice:
"You be't not tell nobody but God!
Carry on...

Or maybe we can float on top my water bed

(Pause again- people still have waterbeds? Smh…mmnh, carry on, Jeremih)

you close your eyes as I pry between your legs
We work our way from kitchen stoves, and tables
Girl you know I'm more than able to please, yeah
Say you wanted flowers on the bed (on the bed)
But you got me and now it's on again

* Mo runs over to her imaginary window, pulls the blinds off, and throws them on the ground out of disgust *

Cease, Jermih, you simple simon ass mafucka, cease!!!!

Bitch ass nigga: PUH-LEASE! You deserve an open-handed slap to your mouth; one so great you’ll never sing another set of lyrics like this again. This song is a disgrace to R&B.

James Brown's curl activator is probably drying up in his grave because of you.

Retire, ho. Right now.

Gosh! I feel so much better.

Now I’m about to head on to my slumber. I can rest well now that I’ve gotten all this off my chest.

BESOSBABIES!!

Certified Trollop!! Bust it wide open, and I tell him bring it back! Lol

i missed ya'll out there in blog-land!!! :)

Hon-eysssss!!! The celibacy went out the window this Tuesday and Wednesday.

-- i know right---what happened?

That's right-- ya girl gave up the cutty-- and I am glad to say, it was all I hoped it would be, and then some.


you know i'm gonna tell ya'll!! let's see if i can make this an abridged version... you know i don't know how to keep shit short, but i'll try.

anywho

when you're keeping your pimp hand strong, as my dear friend often says, its quite easy to get carried away and eventually cut something. Check this:

I had one cutie for each shift up in my face the past 9 days, but it just so happened that his spot (9-11pm dinner time) was kinda free. As you will see,sometimes the shifts overlapped, but none of the men worked in the same area of the resort. there was even one for the late night if i'm not out at the clubhouse shift, from 11-7 am.

• 7am-3pm- G.
  
• 8 am-10am (during breakfast): C
  
• 8pm-11, and BEYOND: Black Power (this will be explained)
  
  
• 11-7am- K- he was cool; willing to cut out of his shift and risk his job to take me to the clubhouse because I was pouting after being stood up by my ex :(

then there were others; the guy who gave me the good price for the JetSki ride (i think I'm the only person on EARF to ever ride a jetski in a DRESS and GIRDLE, LMAO) , this other fine ass dude (he made me want to switch resorts, he was so sexy) at the sister-resort that I had to jetski over to to use their ATM, etc. Some names I can't remember. Anywho..

but let's talk about homeboy who took my celibacy, knocked it out the damn ballpark, ran after it, caught it himself, threw the ball up, and smacked it with the bat all on his own.

Clawdhammercy.. smh @ memories..

This is who I refer to as "Black Power". Because when I came that first night (for the fifth and final time that Tues), I put up the black power fist. Yes, yes, ya'll... and its not just because Barack Obama is president.

Literally. I tell you no lies; this kid's pipe game was lunacy!!

I probably would have candy-rained a few more times, but there were only 2 condoms, and ya'll know Monie doesn't condone the unprotected.

#1189- Always carry condoms on vacation, even if you swear you're not going to do anything.


Sooo, who is Black Power? This dude who worked at the resort we stayed at. He peeped me, and I peeped him, cause he was fine, and my eyes don't miss those kinds of things.

Monday_

So this Monday, we get to chitchatting. He's telling me he's been looking out for me since he saw me last week, and now he's finally getting a chance to see me. So after seeing how sexy his smile was, I decide that he, my sister, and I should hang out. I definitely wasn't gonna pass it up, because we hadn't been going anywhere until he came along. ya'll know, i'm ALWAYS trying to shake ass. We meet up after his shift at 11; he's got his homeboy in tow, J, who was kinda cute also.

Sidebar-I fucking LOVE Jamaica... not just for the beach, fun, and rum, but for the men. They are fucking FINE, even though 2/3 of them are TERRIBLE. and i can say this, because that is my culture, so i know firsthand.

i DIGRESS.

anywho, we go out to this club/strip club. its kinda empty, but me and my sister and Black Power got 4 cues of Appletons rum and pepsi and made our own fun.

We talked about damn near everything; he said he had a girlfriend who was studying law who he hadn't seen in 9 months (she lives an hour away; in law school, but they don't see each other? wtf??!!), none of my business though; and was really honest about a lot of stuff, which I respect.


To me, there's nothing worse than a man who lies, thinking that its gonna allow him to smash.

I'm here to tell you... you can get way more box just by being honest.

he's very entertaining and straighforward. Really funny, and creative. All the stuff that makes a fine man, just that much more finer.

So anywho,

His friend had dipped out, and came back, so when he came back, i left him and my sister to themselves, and he and i went and kicked it on the inside of the club.

I just wanna say-- spandex are great. It allows you flexibility for trollop like dance moves. I had on some spandex with this cute dress/top and my rocker girl stilettos.

And the gym is great also. I'm way more flexible than I've been since HS track. I can now balance on my tailbone while holding up both my own legs. Granted, there's a roll of fat when I do this, as I am not down to the size 6 I am seeking, but hey.

A bitch is in pretty good shape.
And I'm on my way, dammit! 10 baby, aow! :)p

Anywho, a lot of sexual insinuation was going on up at the clubhouse, and a dry pussy bitch like I USED to be, was loving it.


Betwinxt all the Appletons and contact weed smoke, I was kinda buzzed. We got home at like 5 in the AM. I kicked it with my late night/early moring front desk boo til like 6 then went to get some sleep.

Tuesday_

I totally unleashed the trollop in me on Tuesday. Subconciously, I knew I would.

*Crickets*

Damn, ok, I knew I would.It wasn't subconsious at all. Why else would a gal wear crotchless Spanx shorts under a dress that stops mid thigh? LOL. Needless to say, we ended up getting up on a room after shooting a bit of pool.

The dick game: LOVELY.

All the mosquito bites I have all over my arms and legs from thrashing around bucket nekkid in a room with the windows open: NOT LOVELY.

*Where's my imaginary cloves at? Lights one up*

He did some shit, that would usually have me running from such a big dick, but he did it so slow and right, ya'll that I will probably replay it in my mind for years to come. Men, some of you do not know the power of working your waist the right way.

Rare shit, rare shit!! Like a Pinta Island Tortoise; go'n and click that there!

Cause ya'll know-- I cherish good dick like that.

He eased me back into the game of hot dick and nuts the right way, because of course the Pochantas was extra tight after such a long time of non-usage. Between him not being too savage and me being wetter than Shaquille O'neal in a sauna-- we made magic.

Wednesday_

And we made more magic again on Wednesday night. He did me so proper, and had me so disoriented I put on my spandex inside out.

I hadn't made plans to tell Sissy Dear that I was in fact getting some pipe, but she oh so smugly pointed out on our way back to our room that my spandex were on inside out with the tag on blast.

To which I replied, "Sometimes, a girl's gotta be a trollop."

Now I'm back home, missing my favorite island. :(

And it pains me to admit that I'm missing Black Power as well. I don't want to have a crush on anyone this quick that lives that far, who does in fact have a girlfriend. I don't care if he sees her or not.

Chemistry can be a bit of a problem under the wrong circumstances.

There is only one other person I've just clicked with, and it turned out to be bad business.

According to him, he and the girlfriend have kinda been over for a long time, and he just hadn't met anyone, and he's thinking it could be me.

*blank stare*

But other than that, life is good. Summer session starts in 3 weeks. I'm about to head to Ohio to see my brother where more good times shall roll. But no trollopcy, I promise!! Hehehee :-)

-monie!

Happy Barack Day, Online Dating, and Blog Crack

i love my president!!!!! and not just 'cause he's black... HE'S QUALIFIED. i may not have a lambo with rims to brag about.. but this right 'chea... TIMELESS.

But of course something crazy had to happen. Right in the middle of the inaugural prayer, I get a text message from them hos at Sprint:

As a reminder, payment is now due. Please use the payment envelope mailed with your bill or pay online at Sprint.com


You would not like to know how badly this pissed me off. Because I'm a fan of conspiracy theories. And today I have another theory:
Sprint targeted me on purpose. Because I'm black. And they wanted to steal my joy. They knew how much I wanted to actually use my phone today to make incoming calls and they hit me with this crap. They must have heard me while I used my phone that one time yesterday, happy to be unemployed right now, just for this purpose.
But during a prayer!? Woo!! The devil is a LIAR!! He came in the form of Sprint, but it's all good. I paid them hos. Let's hope my money gets transferred into my Checking on time before I get hit with charges from that other devil's spawn..Bank Of America.I always have issues with phone companies and banking institutions. Go'n and click that there.

Plenty of Fools Dot Com

SO yeah, I've been home taping /watching the inauguration and talking to my homeboy Paul, whom I haven't spoken to in years. Like, we've shot emails here and there, and facebook'd once in a while, but as far as a phone convo, four years! He ain't big on the phone thing either, but when we get to yapping; it's pure laughter. P-- if you ever become privvy to my blog-- you make my heart smile. and my face too. But I feel like P is gonna get me in trouble.
He done convinced me to join plentyoffools.com (plenty of fish). I was thinking about joining e-harmony (because as you know, I'm a fickle bitch, and I never see/meet anyone i like) and this is free, so now maybe I can get a feel of how online dating is. I'm not getting any younger and I already have one cat. It's time for CHANGE. Word to Barack. Hehe!

So far I'm not impressed. It seems like no one on there knows how to construct a sentence. I'm prejudiced against ignorant people. If you can't construct a sentence... you can't get an ounce of my time. Read this, and you tell me what in the grey poupon is going on:

SINGLE 25 YR OLD BLK AND PR MIXED....I LIVE ON MY OWN NO KIDS...I HAVE A CAR AND A JOB....IM A WAREHOUSE MANAGER I WORK 4AM TIL 1PM WEEKENDS OFF.... SO I HAVE TIME TO SPEND WITH THE RIGHT PERSON......ROUGH OUTTER SHELL BUT OVERALL IM A NICE SOFT SPOKEN GENTLEMEN (BLUE COLLAR WORKER) MY MOM RAISED ME RIGHT SO I DONT MIND PAYING, OPENING DOORS, COOKING, AND CLEANING ETC.... LETS CHAT AND SEE WHERE IT GOES!!!!! MAIN ADJECTIVES TO DESCRIBE ME (SMART, FUNNY,HUMBLE, MODEST, GRATEFUL, SOFT SPOKEN, CONFIDENT AT TIMES, CHARISMATIC, SHY, SWEET, THOUGHTFUL, CARING, INTELLIGENT, ARTICULATE....

IM MORE PARTIAL TO OLDER WOMEN THATS WHAT I PREFER MORE SO THAN GIRLS MY AGE... ITS NOT A FANTASY I BEEN DEALING WITH OLDER WOMEN ALL MY LIFE..... ONCE IN AWHILE ILL GIVE A GIRL MY AGE A CHANCE SO IM OPEN TO WHOEVER IS A GOOD NATURED PERSON BUT NOT A WILD PARTY TYPE.... I DEALT WITH THAT FROM MY LAST RELATIONSHIP THATS NOT WHAT I WANT!!!! SHE WAS AROUND MY AGE NEED I SAY MORE?

I give this little expirement three weeks. I have never seen men so proud to have their own car and apartment. I mean, I know it's hard to do in NY, but damn!!

P is having a ball with it though. He signed up yesterday and like, 10 minutes later, got a message from this one chick who's ass is huge. I guess that's a good thing for him. She's hard pressed to meet him. P fine and all that, but I don't know if I'd go that hard over any dude. But that could explain the fact why I'm alone? lol

He told me to give feedback on how she looks, and I told him I thought she looked a bit mantastic. I don't see an adams apple, but her features are very... what's the word I'm looking for.. I dunno.. strong. He said he's gonna take a chance and meet up with "it" at BBQ's since it's well lit and has spacious seating, so he can dip out if that's the case. I'm sure I'll be talking about this hot shit later on. Smdh.

Update* - he says its definitely a girl. I'll have more talk on this later... smh

Blog Crack:

Dude, how much do I love everyone I'm subscribed to? They rock and are always a source of entertainment. Semi-literate is still my fav though. Sorry. I play favorites. Sue me.

But, when you have time, click on everyone's blog :)

monie_