been a minute, yeah i know. Slap me.

Hey muffins!

How I've missed thou. I've just been going through lots of personal changes. Not that that's an excuse. But. Whatever.

Life is pretty good. Just grinding, knocking out this certificate, and weeding out the waste in my life. By waste I mean particular people. Unfortunately this included folks who I considered very near and dear to me. Then i realized that I wasn't nearly as near and dear to them.


You've heard it before. Some people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
It's been my experience that hos be lasting a season and many a time they don't never have no reason. I can count on my hands who's been around a lifetime. I won't blame said hos. Lots of times it's my own fault. But whatever. Either way, those meant to be in your life will be there. Those who are not, will make their exit.

One thing's for certain, two things for sure- you won't even miss them after a while.


Spent Christmas in the JA. My family came down as well, and my family and my fiance's families met. My family met my fiance' for the first time. I am glad to say he passed the test :)

We had lots and lotsa fun. Lotsa rum. Monie got lots of relations. Woo chir'rens! I shall touch more on that when I get home though. Don't wanna give the goodies on the work pc :)

Well, that's all for now folks.

Later gators!
**_monie

This should turn out interesting...

Lawd, I'm already dying to go back to the JA.

I forgot how aggravating my house can be.

*Monie screams and throws vase*

I'm not even gonna get into it all. The antics started the very next day after I got home. All I know is it is imperative that I have my own place by January. Not just so that I can get my life back in motion...but because I need peace of mind! Even when I tell these people I don't really wanna hear it, they say:

"Well I need someone to talk to, so just listen"

Where the FUCK do they do that at?? It's only cause it's family, that is their saving grace. Anyone else... oohwee!!

*sigh*

I already priced things with Jet Blue. I can get ticket for about $360, to spend 3 weeks in December. I did my budget yesterday; and I can afford it. I think Imma go. Christmas here is ALWAYS depressing, and I need relaxation before I move back to the urrrrea. I don't know if #4 will be around by then, but it doesn't matter. I can always rent my own furnished room for about 200 bucks.

Speaking of #4 he's been getting on my nerves.

When I call his ass, he acts like I'm disturbing him. Yesterday he told me he wasn't really a phone person. And also went on to say his phone radiates so much heat that he's afraid to talk on it for long periods of time. And sometimes the phone leaks water when he's on it too long.

Lawd, if that don't sound like a lie? Sometimes I just have to laugh at his insanity.

Now, we're supposed to be "involved", so how the hell else are we supposed to communicate??

I told him to text me when he felt like speaking, this way we don't have no issues. It's safer and healthier for us all!

Fucker.

I see him MAYBE calling me next week, and that's just because he said he was going to put international minutes on his phone. I just plan to maintain minimal convo with him so I can have somewhere to stay when I go. I need to hang on to all the money I can before I move back.

Damn ass.

Ya'll know how I do it. If my spirit moves me, I'll just tap something else.
*giggle*

In other events...

I think DM is trying to date me... or something. . You may remember DM from previous entries like "Yeah I got it in, but..." and 'It's hot outside, and damn if I don't feel frisky, pimp shit, random..."

Anywho, DM text me on Saturday, and we're going back and forth and he says how I'm always gone. I tell him that he needs to stop acting like he be at home, cause I know he's either out or up in some pussy.

*Ooh, Monie, the vulgarity!*

He answers back, "I wish I got half the amt of pussy you think I get. What a nice picture you paint of me"

Now since I ain't no sociopath, I immediately felt bad, and apologized, letting him know that I was sorry for judging him, but that was honestly the pic I had painted of him in my head.

He starts talking about how we need to make time at least once a week to just hang out, play pool or go bowling or even skydiving (smdh @ sky diving) or even to just go out to eat, party or drink something.
So, this doesn't sound like a half bad idea (apart from the skydiving), and I agree, telling him since we don't have any kids to hold us back, we might as well just start doing stuff.

He goes on to say, that he's "serious. we work hard, study hard, fuck hard, so we should play hard"

*Monie nods, and reaches for her Bbq chips*

So I tell him, why not. We may as well do it up before I leave. He asks where I'm going and I tell him I'm moving back up out this bitch.

And he says:

"Aww damn, you can't leave me...well I guess that gives me somewhere to visit on a 3-day weekend. We need to do a lot before you leave. I'm for real. And when you're gone keep in touch. I am DEF willing to visit. I know you're not going far, but like I said, we both need to do better in keeping in contact and I set my schedule for a lot of 3 day weekends, so I will definitely come see you if you'll have me"

*Monie puts the chips down and raises her eyebrows*

Hmmm.. what say you?

This all comes out of nowhere to me. I thought DM and I just had an understanding that we were fuck buddies from time to time, and did the occasional partying together. I didn't really think he was interested in anything other than that.

Or maybe it was me?

He does try to have conversations with me and I always interrupt them by taking off my pants and jumping in his bed. LOL.

Sheeeeeit. When I came home and was messing with DM I had to eventually find out he had a girlfriend. And that was because I saw them damn hair chopsticks in his apartment.


Now I wanna know WHO in the FUCK was wearing them joints in 2007??? And no, the bamma is not Asian, she's actually Puerto Rican. Yup, I did my research on good ole Myspace. I'm not even sure whether he's still with her.

I'm trying to avoid the Jerry Springer love triangles these days.



Sugar was enough for one year.

*shrug*

Anywho, we shall see how this goes. If anything, it will make for good blog fodder. :)

Later Babies!

xoxmonie!

Testifyin' and what not

i'm leavinnn on a jet plane... but not to worry, i will be back next tuesday (if ya cared) :D Jamaica trip #2 tommorow. Not quite excited yet. When I step off the plane, that's when it'll kick in... if the Klonopin has worn off by then

*shrug*

This time I will be writing from abroad... because my mom bought me a laptop as an "your-almost-done-with-your-Masters" present:D

Looking forward to some relaxation on the beach, jetskiing, partying, all of that. Seeing my family. Not really concerned w/ boyfriend #4 right now. I dipped into his email again, and he's there writing to his old woman boo, telling her he misses talking to her and has been calling her like crazy. Rocko said it best:

"You just do you, umma do meee"

Because I am.

I was talking to Pop Pop on the i/m the other day and he pointed out that we (Boyfriend #4 and I) were both wrong for trying to lock down our body parts for each other when we really don't know each other to have that kind of relationship and trust.

*Cue in the soft & pink Wendy Williams music*

That Pop Pop is a wise man. We don't talk as much as we used to anymore, and we live quite far from each other now, however, I appreciate him for all that he's been to me in the time I've known him. Pop Pop is really good at telling people to get it together in a way that is calm and non-judgemental; something a lot of people (that I know) are not very skilled at. This works for me because under my psuedo-tough exterior, I'm quite marshmellow-like. Anywho, Pop Pop, I know you don't really read this as much as you would like to(haha), but thanks. I ♥ you... not in that "I wanna take your clothes off and kiss you in the mouth"-type way, hehee. Yes, even though you are sexy as hell. :D

*End music*

In other events...I'm a lot more calmer about my situation. I cried, prayed on it, and God told me that I am alright.

It's about to be one of those rare moments where my morals and values shine through:

God is real; never let anyone tell you otherwise. If you don't believe in him, well, that's your gripe. I'm not here to judge. However, I do pray that you DO come to know him one day. It's a beautiful thing.

It is my opinion that intuition is God speaking to you. Ever notice how when you don't listen to intuition, things go madly wrong, i.e. click that right there?

Anywho, there was one profound time when God whispered in my ear, and I am so greatful that I knew to listen because it saved my mother's life.

Kick back and grab your cocoa mug ya'll; story time!

When I was 15 (if I recall correctly; it's been soooo long) one morning I was dreaming that my mother was calling out to me. At the time she and my dad had their bed set up downstairs because we were re-doing the house. So, I woke up, went to the top of the stairs and called out "Mom?"

No answer.

So I chalked it up to dreaming; turned around ready to get back in the bed because it was still early, but something said "Go downstairs to your mother."

So I went downstairs to see my mother face down on the ground, with the alarm clock next to her; blood pouring from her mouth. Very scary, but for some reason, I didn't feel a lick of fear (which is very unlike my scaredy-cat ass)

I turned her over and sat her up. She seemed kind of in a daze, but thank God she was alive. I called 9-1-1 and then told my grandmother and sister to come downstairs. 9-1-1 told us to sit her up and put her legs up on a chair because it sounded like she had a stroke.

And that was exactly what happened. My mom was 43 years old at the time, and had a stroke. This is a woman who doesn't drink, or smoke, and was (still is) healthy and a stunning size 4 at age 55. Very reserved, and the opposite of me. The only tell-tale sign that she's my mama is that we look just alike. I'm just the fatter version, hehehehe

Her stroke was more than likely, naw, scratch, lets be honest, was a result of putting up with my father and his shennanigans and being a work-a-holic (because he never kept a steady job). Note to all, when something is draining you and stressing you out, WALK AWAY. walking away is not the same as giving up.

Anywhosit, I'm glad that I listened to the voice of God and went downstairs to see about her, because she probably would have not been here today. And I would probably be even more of a hot mess than I already am :)p

I didn't save her, God did. I don't take any of the credit.

I tell you allllladat to tell you this; if you take a little time to be quiet; to be still when you're thinking over your pressing issues, God will let you know what it is that you need to do.

Last week when I came back from the GYN and was told that I probably had a thyroid condition (in addition to being worried about the whole Dick Stress issue); I came home distraught ya'll. Bawling and the whole 9. I hadn't been reading my Bible regularly like I used to/should have been, but there in the face of a problem I ran to it.

I forget which passage I turned to, but the heading was "Do Not Worry". I read it, and then wrote out my prayers in my prayer book. When I turned back to read it again, I saw that it wasn't on that page anymore. I don't remember turning the page either, but I flipped back and found it. I understand that God was giving me a message; not to worry, and that everything was going to be fine. He said it, and I'm listening.

Amen.

So other than that, I'm still Monie. Still silly, crazy, expressing myself to the nth and learning and growing along life's journey.

To all my new readers, thank you for joining! I'm still checking you all out. I'm still in amazement that I started this blog the day after Christmas '08 and its got 128 readers since then.

Hopefully when I turn this mafucka' into a book ya'll will buy it :D

And before I leave you...

How much do I love Showtime on Demand for FINALLY putting "Why Did I Get Married?" on demand. That means I get to see Michael Jai White's sexy body whenever I want; rewind the shit, and just ooh chile. Look at 'im:

don't you just wanna put your arms under his and grab him all up on top of his shoulders, and thrust? Woooo chile! hehehee

besoskiddies!

monie

The Adventures of Paw Paw

If there's one person on this earth that I can count on to entertain my silliness... and take it there with me, it's Pop Pop. From day one, he's obliged my silly-side, and for that (and other reasons) I love him.

Because most people think my silliness borders on retardation, lol.


Sometimes while he's at work, and I'm doing school work we get on IM and start talking about one thing. Something typed, leads to a joke, and sometimes a damn screenplay. One day we were making fun of the VP of his job, poking fun at the fact that he's old (i know; we're dicks, sue us) , and how he should put him on the list for Old Country Buffet specials.

Look where this one retarded joke took us:

POPPOP (1:17:13 PM): eeeelllo
SimoneDior (1:18:19 PM): what it do?
SimoneDior (1:18:28 PM): you chillin and thangs?
POPPOP (1:19:11 PM): I wish. You know I never chill while I'm here
SimoneDior (1:19:25 PM): true
SimoneDior (1:19:40 PM): i told you to give vp them coupons..then you could chill
SimoneDior (1:19:43 PM): hehe
POPPOP (1:20:24 PM): I tried... but his old ass is out cause he ran over a stop sign in his Buick


SimoneDior (1:21:27 PM): "I like things that I can remember"
POPPOP (1:22:03 PM): LOL

POPPOP (1:22:36 PM): *slowly rolls over stop sign while nodding steadily to Lena Horne playing from his cassette player*
SimoneDior (1:22:42 PM): (lMFAO, not the cassette player!)

SimoneDior (1:23:13 PM): *feeling good; turns it up, and runs through a red light*
SimoneDior (1:23:34 PM): *leaves 3 car accident behind, as Lena sings the blues*
POPPOP (1:26:48 PM): LOL

SimoneDior (1:27:41 PM): (lol... i feel an airbag getting ready to pop out soon... he is doing the most in that Buick)
POPPOP (1:28:50 PM): *feels good cuase lena horne is a piece of tail that he can actually remember*
SimoneDior (1:29:00 PM): lmbao
SimoneDior (1:29:05 PM): "piece of tail"


SimoneDior (1:29:35 PM): *rubs his right hand over his crotch*
POPPOP (1:29:54 PM): lol
SimoneDior (1:29:56 PM): *no rise*
SimoneDior (1:30:10 PM): *shrugs and continues driving*
POPPOP (1:30:33 PM): *rubs right hand over crotch and thinks* "if only you'd wake up" *hangs head*
POPPOP (1:30:42 PM): lol
POPPOP (1:30:43 PM): (lol)
POPPOP (1:30:47 PM): (u stupid)
SimoneDior (1:31:17 PM): lmmfao


SimoneDior (1:31:34 PM): *shakes leg, car swerves*
SimoneDior (1:31:46 PM): Old Man cries: Wake up, dammit
SimoneDior (1:31:59 PM): *Lena wails in the background*
POPPOP (1:32:27 PM): lmao
SimoneDior (1:33:00 PM): uh oh..
SimoneDior (1:33:32 PM): *vigorous shaking and rubbing causes old man to swerve onto the sidewalk, knocking down 3 adults and a dog*
SimoneDior (1:34:06 PM): Old man shakily screams: Ahh-huhuhhh
POPPOP (1:34:22 PM): LOL

SimoneDior (1:34:34 PM): *Buick crashes through Macy*s display window*
SimoneDior (1:34:44 PM): *Penis is FINALLY hard*
SimoneDior (1:34:49 PM): *Lena continues to sing*
POPPOP (1:34:49 PM): LOL


SimoneDior (1:35:07 PM): Old Man: I always knew the old boy still had it
SimoneDior (1:35:13 PM): *Old man hangs head and passes out*

POPPOP (1:36:01 PM): *Old man puts the buick in reverse and looks left and then right* "where am I? I remember there being a Sears & Roebuck around here" *makes a right turn and proceeds to search for the Sears
SimoneDior (1:36:43 PM): LMMFAO
SimoneDior (1:36:55 PM): NOT Sears AND Roebuck!!!

SimoneDior (1:37:20 PM): *circles around the block 9 times*
POPPOP (1:37:26 PM): LOL
POPPOP (1:38:17 PM): *circles the block an additional time and scratches head* "where am I? I remember there being a Sears & Roebuck around here" "makes a right turn and proceeds to search for the Sears AGAIN!*


SimoneDior (1:38:45 PM): *circles block an additional 3 times*
SimoneDior (1:38:56 PM): *calls his grand daughter*
POPPOP (1:39:07 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:39:24 PM): *LOUDLY*
Jenny?!
POPPOP (1:39:31 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:39:40 PM): Jenny: Yes Paw Paw
SimoneDior (1:39:55 PM): Old Man: Wheres that Sears & Roebuck?
SimoneDior (1:40:00 PM): Jenny: Where??
POPPOP (1:40:13 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:40:17 PM): Paw Paw shouts: SEARS AND ROEBUCK DAMMIT, SEARS AND ROEBUCK!!!

POPPOP (1:40:48 PM): Jenny: Calm down paw paw. I don't know what that store is.
SimoneDior (1:40:59 PM): PawPaw: WHADYA MEAN???!
POPPOP (1:41:03 PM): Paw Paw: It's where I bought your first corset!!!
SimoneDior (1:41:07 PM): LMMFAO

SimoneDior (1:41:23 PM): Jenny: Corset?
POPPOP (1:41:31 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:41:55 PM): *Paw Paw angrily hangs up phone. *
POPPOP (1:42:03 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:42:13 PM): I'll teach you to play with me!
I'm gonna wear that hide when i get home
SimoneDior (1:42:32 PM): *Paw Paw shifts and eases his Depends wedgie from his butt*
POPPOP (1:43:45 PM): Narrator: Unbeknownst to Paw Paw, he has shifted his Depends a bit too far and proceeds to drive home shitting in his pants leg the entire way.
SimoneDior (1:43:58 PM): Lmmfao!! you gotta love the Narrator

POPPOP (1:45:02 PM): LOL... I know. He always sets shit straight
SimoneDior (1:45:11 PM): LITERALLY
SimoneDior (1:45:12 PM): lol
POPPOP (1:45:38 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:45:42 PM): *Paw Paw pulls into the driveway, turns car off, opens the door, and puts one leg out to stand*
SimoneDior (1:45:54 PM): *A sea of shit falls out his pant leg*
POPPOP (1:45:56 PM): LMAO

POPPOP (1:46:11 PM): I already KNEW where you were going with that one
SimoneDior (1:46:15 PM): Paw Paw: GABDAMMIT GABDAMMIT GABDAMMIT!!!
SimoneDior (1:46:17 PM): lmao
POPPOP (1:46:58 PM): lmao
SimoneDior (1:47:01 PM): *shouts for his wife*

SimoneDior (1:47:27 PM): PawPaw: ABIGAIL! I DONE MESSED UP MY PANTS AND THE BRAND NEW BUICK!
SimoneDior (1:47:41 PM): *Abigail runs to the porch*
SimoneDior (1:48:04 PM): Abigail: GABDAMMIT GABDAMMIT GABDAMMIT!!!!!!!!! WHO'S GONNA CLEAN UP THIS SHIT!
POPPOP (1:48:13 PM): LMAO @ Abigail

SimoneDior (1:48:19 PM): Not me! Maude and I are going to Old Country Buffet
SimoneDior (1:48:35 PM): Paw Paw: OLD COUNTRY BUFFET???? WITH WHAT MONEY??
SimoneDior (1:48:52 PM): Abigail: my social security like its any of your business
SimoneDior (1:49:06 PM): PawPaw: but you said we'd use that to get a new antennae for the tv
POPPOP (1:49:14 PM): LOL

SimoneDior (1:49:28 PM): Abigail: old slew footed man! Aint you heard. The whole nations gone digital!

SimoneDior (1:50:31 PM): Abigail: I guess I'm gonna have to ask Maude for a ride. You shat in the new Buick!
POPPOP (1:50:32 PM): Paw Paw: Digital? There you go again with your confounded nick nacks and doo dads. Go turn on the HAM radio so I can listen to the lone ranger.
SimoneDior (1:50:42 PM): LMMFAO
SimoneDior (1:50:43 PM): LMMFAO
SimoneDior (1:50:44 PM): LMMFAO
SimoneDior (1:50:55 PM): LMAO@ DOO DADS
SimoneDior (1:51:00 PM): AND LONE RANGER
SimoneDior (1:51:21 PM): *Abigail holds her nose and steps past him*: Lone Ranger don't come on no more
SimoneDior (1:51:27 PM): *mutters*
SimoneDior (1:51:29 PM): Dumb ass
POPPOP (1:51:41 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:51:43 PM): Paw Paw: I HEARD THAT! I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID BOUT WHAT YOU THINK!
POPPOP (1:51:50 PM): LOL


POPPOP (1:52:17 PM): Paw Paw: Huh? What?
SimoneDior (1:52:25 PM): Paw Paw: I'mma teach you a lesson. Im gon, I'm gon..
POPPOP (1:52:30 PM): Abigail: I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING!!!
SimoneDior (1:52:40 PM): Paw Paw: Aww yes you did!
POPPOP (1:52:40 PM): Paw Paw: WHERE'S MY CORN BEEF?!?!
SimoneDior (1:52:46 PM): lmbao

POPPOP (1:52:50 PM): Abigail: What?
SimoneDior (1:52:52 PM): not corned beef, lmbao!

SimoneDior (1:53:10 PM): Paw Paw: if I could bend down I'd throw this shit on the back of your dress!
SimoneDior (1:53:16 PM): I SAY WHERES MY CORN BEEF?
SimoneDior (1:53:18 PM): BITCH!
POPPOP (1:53:36 PM): LOL
POPPOP (1:53:37 PM): LOL

POPPOP (1:53:56 PM): I'm trying SOOOOOO HARD not to bust out laffing right now
SimoneDior (1:54:46 PM): shhhhhhhhhhhh!!
SimoneDior (1:54:47 PM): lol
SimoneDior (1:55:29 PM): Abigail: who you callin a bitch?? U.N.I.T.Y...
SimoneDior (1:55:31 PM): lol
POPPOP (1:55:40 PM): LMAO
POPPOP (1:56:03 PM): Paw Paw: U-N-I-T.... U.... Unicorn????
SimoneDior (1:56:07 PM): lmfao

SimoneDior (1:56:17 PM): Abigail: Unicorn? You fool!
SimoneDior (1:56:39 PM): Abigail: U-N-I-T-Y spells uniform!
SimoneDor (1:56:42 PM): dumb ass!
SimoneDior (1:56:52 PM): Paw Paw: I aint gon be too many more dumb asses
SimoneDior (1:57:11 PM): Say it again.. and I'mma withhold mah johnson!
POPPOP (1:57:32 PM): LOL
POPPOP (1:57:46 PM): LMAO @ spells uniform
POPPOP (1:57:54 PM): LMMFAO @ mah johnson
SimoneDior (1:58:11 PM): lmao
POPPOP (1:58:20 PM): Abigail: Your johnson? I don't even remember what your johnson SMELLS like
SimoneDior (1:58:25 PM): lmao

SimoneDior (1:58:39 PM): Paw Paw: You wasn't saying that last night!!
SimoneDior (1:58:48 PM): Abigail: wasn't saying it last year neither..
POPPOP (1:58:54 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:58:57 PM): lol
POPPOP (1:59:23 PM): Abigail: and for the record, last night you fell asleep in church and I left you there. You only THOUGHT you were at home.
SimoneDior (1:59:31 PM): (dizammmn!)
SimoneDior (1:59:32 PM): lmao
SimoneDior (1:59:54 PM): Paw Paw: NOW WHAT NOW?!
SimoneDior (1:59:59 PM): left me there?
SimoneDior (2:00:13 PM): You were probably off with George Lucas
SimoneDior (2:00:18 PM): giving him the poontang!
POPPOP (2:00:30 PM): LMAO
SimoneDior (2:00:33 PM): I aint forgot bout that time you cheated on me!
SimoneDior (2:00:38 PM): i ain't forgot
SimoneDior (2:00:39 PM): I ain't
SimoneDior (2:00:42 PM): uh..
SimoneDior (2:00:45 PM): what was I saying?
POPPOP (2:00:49 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (2:01:00 PM): Abigail: Lawd, keep me near the cross!
SimoneDior (2:01:24 PM): Abigail: move out of my way you shit tank! I gots to go!
POPPOP (2:01:44 PM): Abigail: I ain't forget about you either. Wagging your junk in front of Esther tryin to make it hard. You couldn't do nuthin anyway but it was THE PRINCIPLE.
SimoneDior (2:02:07 PM): lmmfao
SimoneDior (2:02:16 PM): (m in here DYING)
SimoneDior (2:02:54 PM): Paw Paw: She liked it though!
SimoneDior (2:03:03 PM): Abigail: Esther is blind, fool!
SimoneDior (2:03:15 PM): Paw Paw: SUMMA MA GUN!
POPPOP (2:03:16 PM): LMAO

SimoneDior (2:03:19 PM): lol
POPPOP (2:03:22 PM): (Now I'm in HERE dying)
SimoneDior (2:03:40 PM): i've GOTS to post this story in my blog one day
SimoneDior (2:03:43 PM): this is heedamnlarious
POPPOP (2:04:11 PM): yeah... I think it'll be hilarious
SimoneDior (2:04:16 PM): definitely
SimoneDior (2:04:41 PM): Paw Paw : So you really ain't gonna clean up mah shit?
SimoneDior (2:04:43 PM): lol
SimoneDior (2:04:47 PM): (sorry, i couldnt resist)

POPPOP (2:05:01 PM): LOL

SimoneDior (2:05:11 PM): lol
POPPOP (2:05:17 PM): Paw Paw: U... ur.... ur gonna clean mah shit!
SimoneDior (2:05:23 PM): LMMFAO

SimoneDior (2:05:36 PM): UR..UR GONNA CLEAN MY BUICK

LMMFAO, hot mess. Love you, Pop Pop. I'm still waiting on you to update your blog.. uh, yeah, thanks.

-Monie

Certified Trollop!! Bust it wide open, and I tell him bring it back! Lol

i missed ya'll out there in blog-land!!! :)

Hon-eysssss!!! The celibacy went out the window this Tuesday and Wednesday.

-- i know right---what happened?

That's right-- ya girl gave up the cutty-- and I am glad to say, it was all I hoped it would be, and then some.


you know i'm gonna tell ya'll!! let's see if i can make this an abridged version... you know i don't know how to keep shit short, but i'll try.

anywho

when you're keeping your pimp hand strong, as my dear friend often says, its quite easy to get carried away and eventually cut something. Check this:

I had one cutie for each shift up in my face the past 9 days, but it just so happened that his spot (9-11pm dinner time) was kinda free. As you will see,sometimes the shifts overlapped, but none of the men worked in the same area of the resort. there was even one for the late night if i'm not out at the clubhouse shift, from 11-7 am.

• 7am-3pm- G.
  
• 8 am-10am (during breakfast): C
  
• 8pm-11, and BEYOND: Black Power (this will be explained)
  
  
• 11-7am- K- he was cool; willing to cut out of his shift and risk his job to take me to the clubhouse because I was pouting after being stood up by my ex :(

then there were others; the guy who gave me the good price for the JetSki ride (i think I'm the only person on EARF to ever ride a jetski in a DRESS and GIRDLE, LMAO) , this other fine ass dude (he made me want to switch resorts, he was so sexy) at the sister-resort that I had to jetski over to to use their ATM, etc. Some names I can't remember. Anywho..

but let's talk about homeboy who took my celibacy, knocked it out the damn ballpark, ran after it, caught it himself, threw the ball up, and smacked it with the bat all on his own.

Clawdhammercy.. smh @ memories..

This is who I refer to as "Black Power". Because when I came that first night (for the fifth and final time that Tues), I put up the black power fist. Yes, yes, ya'll... and its not just because Barack Obama is president.

Literally. I tell you no lies; this kid's pipe game was lunacy!!

I probably would have candy-rained a few more times, but there were only 2 condoms, and ya'll know Monie doesn't condone the unprotected.

#1189- Always carry condoms on vacation, even if you swear you're not going to do anything.


Sooo, who is Black Power? This dude who worked at the resort we stayed at. He peeped me, and I peeped him, cause he was fine, and my eyes don't miss those kinds of things.

Monday_

So this Monday, we get to chitchatting. He's telling me he's been looking out for me since he saw me last week, and now he's finally getting a chance to see me. So after seeing how sexy his smile was, I decide that he, my sister, and I should hang out. I definitely wasn't gonna pass it up, because we hadn't been going anywhere until he came along. ya'll know, i'm ALWAYS trying to shake ass. We meet up after his shift at 11; he's got his homeboy in tow, J, who was kinda cute also.

Sidebar-I fucking LOVE Jamaica... not just for the beach, fun, and rum, but for the men. They are fucking FINE, even though 2/3 of them are TERRIBLE. and i can say this, because that is my culture, so i know firsthand.

i DIGRESS.

anywho, we go out to this club/strip club. its kinda empty, but me and my sister and Black Power got 4 cues of Appletons rum and pepsi and made our own fun.

We talked about damn near everything; he said he had a girlfriend who was studying law who he hadn't seen in 9 months (she lives an hour away; in law school, but they don't see each other? wtf??!!), none of my business though; and was really honest about a lot of stuff, which I respect.


To me, there's nothing worse than a man who lies, thinking that its gonna allow him to smash.

I'm here to tell you... you can get way more box just by being honest.

he's very entertaining and straighforward. Really funny, and creative. All the stuff that makes a fine man, just that much more finer.

So anywho,

His friend had dipped out, and came back, so when he came back, i left him and my sister to themselves, and he and i went and kicked it on the inside of the club.

I just wanna say-- spandex are great. It allows you flexibility for trollop like dance moves. I had on some spandex with this cute dress/top and my rocker girl stilettos.

And the gym is great also. I'm way more flexible than I've been since HS track. I can now balance on my tailbone while holding up both my own legs. Granted, there's a roll of fat when I do this, as I am not down to the size 6 I am seeking, but hey.

A bitch is in pretty good shape.
And I'm on my way, dammit! 10 baby, aow! :)p

Anywho, a lot of sexual insinuation was going on up at the clubhouse, and a dry pussy bitch like I USED to be, was loving it.


Betwinxt all the Appletons and contact weed smoke, I was kinda buzzed. We got home at like 5 in the AM. I kicked it with my late night/early moring front desk boo til like 6 then went to get some sleep.

Tuesday_

I totally unleashed the trollop in me on Tuesday. Subconciously, I knew I would.

*Crickets*

Damn, ok, I knew I would.It wasn't subconsious at all. Why else would a gal wear crotchless Spanx shorts under a dress that stops mid thigh? LOL. Needless to say, we ended up getting up on a room after shooting a bit of pool.

The dick game: LOVELY.

All the mosquito bites I have all over my arms and legs from thrashing around bucket nekkid in a room with the windows open: NOT LOVELY.

*Where's my imaginary cloves at? Lights one up*

He did some shit, that would usually have me running from such a big dick, but he did it so slow and right, ya'll that I will probably replay it in my mind for years to come. Men, some of you do not know the power of working your waist the right way.

Rare shit, rare shit!! Like a Pinta Island Tortoise; go'n and click that there!

Cause ya'll know-- I cherish good dick like that.

He eased me back into the game of hot dick and nuts the right way, because of course the Pochantas was extra tight after such a long time of non-usage. Between him not being too savage and me being wetter than Shaquille O'neal in a sauna-- we made magic.

Wednesday_

And we made more magic again on Wednesday night. He did me so proper, and had me so disoriented I put on my spandex inside out.

I hadn't made plans to tell Sissy Dear that I was in fact getting some pipe, but she oh so smugly pointed out on our way back to our room that my spandex were on inside out with the tag on blast.

To which I replied, "Sometimes, a girl's gotta be a trollop."

Now I'm back home, missing my favorite island. :(

And it pains me to admit that I'm missing Black Power as well. I don't want to have a crush on anyone this quick that lives that far, who does in fact have a girlfriend. I don't care if he sees her or not.

Chemistry can be a bit of a problem under the wrong circumstances.

There is only one other person I've just clicked with, and it turned out to be bad business.

According to him, he and the girlfriend have kinda been over for a long time, and he just hadn't met anyone, and he's thinking it could be me.

*blank stare*

But other than that, life is good. Summer session starts in 3 weeks. I'm about to head to Ohio to see my brother where more good times shall roll. But no trollopcy, I promise!! Hehehee :-)

-monie!

life, more ashy penis, dirty panties, et cetera...

christmas day

christmas was cool. ya'll know i'm not big on the holiday in its commercial sense, but it represents God sending down the ultimate gift, his son... to eventually die for a sinner like me. and you, if you thought you were perfect. :) if that isn't love, then i don't know what is. so, thank you God for continual deliverance. thank you for these past 4 Christmases where I haven't had to listen to my dad argue with us so he could go spend time with whoever else. thank you for peace. thank you for JOY. thank you for allowing me to overcome and not be overtaken by the MISERY others want me to believe I should live in. *praise dance*

family ties

so...
the family came over... you know my cousin Opal and her bad ass kids i talk about from previous posts... yeah, them. woo lawd, they're something else. Opal demanded that everyone only eat one serving so that she could "take all the food home." and she literally did. all that is left is rice and peas and potato salad. you know you follow the doctrine of fatassedness when...

anyway her son, nick (my cousin who is in jail) we finally met his 9 year old son for the first time. he's so adowable! and sweet. he knew to stay out my damn way, and i love that! nick is 24 now, which means this child was born when he was 15... making opal a grandmother at 30. oooh, imma leave this alone, cause i could take it all types of places!

dicktalk
yeah folks, miss dickless (that's one of the many nicknames i call myself in my head) is back on the topic of 'The D'. Kia got one more time to brag on how good she's getting the pipedown..ooh!! Sometimes I feel like I'd smack her out of jealousy! So...she's carrying on a semi-scandalous affair. She's messing with her younger brother's best friend. Mind you, this best friend done slept with three of her other cousins; so he's like the family ho. *raised eyebrows*

Anyway, I went to borrow a bottle of Wray and Neph from her mom for my mom, and she's walking like she's got an egg between her legs that she's trying not to break.

Me: What's wrong with you? Why you walking like that?

Her: Girl! Little Rob... he was f/ckin me like he had something to prove!

Me: Was ya'll doing it in the car again? I sure hope not! It's too damn cold out here..

Her:Naw! He came over here on the late night. My cervix is hurting.

But I think it's cause I'm still sore from getting daggered by Mike.
*Blank Stare Blank Stare Blank Stare!*

Me: Damn son. Maybe if you try lifting one leg, it's all about the angle...

Bwahahahaa... guys just bear with me, ok? I know I sometimes talk about things that go against what I'm supposed to be doing, but please be patient with me. God is not through with me yet. (Love that song).

Anyway, after hearing the details about the daggering, I decided to get her opinion on the penis picture mail and whether or not she thought it was ashy.

She concurred, also thought he may have placed the tape measure at __ inches, and told me not to have relations with him if i decide to have premarital relations because I will be in pain the same way she is today. I told her I have no intentions of doing so. i want what they have before anyone inserts anything anywhere. see below:

Something for Nothing

You know, the penis picture mail is already threatening to cause problems. In this life you really don't get something for nothing. And in this case its really effed up, because I didnt even ask this boy for dickflix. He just sent them over to me and I looked because, well... MJ said it best:

And they say why why... tell 'em that it's human nature!

So yesterday I get a text from ASHford Dickson:

*ahahahaaaaaaaaahahhaa*

ASHford Dickson: Your turn for pics.

Nigga what?! No merry christmas, nothing, just that text. I didn't respond. I don't take x-rated pics of myself for several reasons:
01. the possibility of fame. i don't want anyone on my vh1 special saying:
"Aww *Bleep* I remember one time she text messaged me pics of her *bleep* and/or vagina"

02. i'd never send my vagina via sprint picture mail. too many pe0ple i know work for sprint. even though i'm sure they tell us its anonymous, i kinda feel like its not. i don't want anyone up at Sprint saying shit like:

"Damn. Her labia is mad long son!"
Even though its not... yaknawmean? No thanks.

03. i wouldn't want to put my vagina anywhere that close to my cellphone. i let people use my phone all the time. I don't want to be looking at them like 'Damn, my p/ssy juice might be smeared on the side of your face right now.' Euw.

.04. the possibility he'll show it to his friends... you know, the way I showed it to my friend.

05. In order for me to even ponder doing it... I'd have to be in deep love; and yes, this involves the man acually loving me back.

No Dutty Panty

Why outside my world (my bedroom) I hear my mom telling my little cousin:
*In mom's jamaican accent*
"You're not supposed to wear dirty panties! Don't wear a panty more than once. Your mother told me you do it; don't do it here. You mustn't wear dirty panty! "
(This is my little cousin that likes to run away from home from time to time with no clothes. When asked what she does for clean underwear she told us that she'll put her panties on inside out)
*I. Can't. Take. It*

Talk di Tings

Sometimes I feel a smidgen bad for talking about the folks in my life in my blog. But guilt is an evil emotion, so I do what my therapist tells me to do. I rationalize with myself. It goes like this:

I talk about myself in here too. Even the embarassing stuff. If they didn't do these things I wouldn't have to vent about them. It keeps me sane, and allows me to not have to compromise my christianity by telling this or that person, 'Hey, I really think you're an evil, cunt whore/and or/ miserable/and or/ jealous sack of shit' ...or however else I feel at the time I'm made mad.

Therefore...I'll continue to keep it as funky as my cousin's draws up on this blog. Thanks.

facebook rape
some days i wonder if i should just take my bumboclaat off of there. facebook, we used to be so good together. now, we have issues. folks, don't set up groups just to mail out invites. i have a good friend who is now a Kappa. His life revolves around getting drunk and partying, having sex with whichever girl will have sex with him--- and sending out conuntless invitations on facebook. Now all of that except the latter is fine. Now he's starting to intefere with my life. If I get another invite from this Naughty Nupe I'm gonna use that Blackberry pin number he's been posting as his status for the past week and get up in his ass. The shit is getting out of hand now. He's even adding friends of mine and harassing them! it's too bad he's my friend in real life, or else i would have been deleted him.
ok, i think that's all i wanted to press on. i'm gonna go work out. it's been like almost 3 weeks now. not good. i have to preserve my sexy.
in case i don't become famous and end up wanting to show my vagina on picture mail. hehehehehe

ciaobabies!!!