Three Years Later… Post Glory Days, and Other Bullshit

I turned 28.

*dead pause*

And as dry as that sentence was is exactly how I spent it.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be alive; Praise God, but as much as I hate to admit it—I’m truly an old bitch grown up now. I remember when I went home to recuperate from life back in 2007 all I wanted was for my anxiety to be gone so I could go to happy hours and clubs with my peoples, drank tequila, and paint the town red…and green, and mafuckin gold.

But no more.

I would love to say it’s because the old crew has disbanded, people who used to love you no longer love you, you no longer love them, bitches got kids and shit, et cetera et cetera. But honestly, even if I had the chance to do it—I don’t think I’d want to.

I am in fact the reason that I am an old bitch.

When you spend 3 years working to feel calm (and this is still in progress), learning to be still when all you want to do is run (for no damn reason at that) ; facing things, and being a grown ass woman—the last thing on your agenda is guzzling dranks and dropping it down low to the floor.

I mean, even when I heard my favorite club (Love) had re-opened I still didn’t feel compelled to go out. That was when I knew it was over for me, because back in the day if I heard the gang was going to Love, I all but wet my panties.

Besides. None of my bad bitches were here to hit it up with me. Plus, I might still be on the banned list from that one night…

*blankstare*

We’ll talk about that hot mess another day. Anywho.

Trust me, I ain’t knocking nobody if this is still their thing. It’s just not mine anymore. And I accept that.

Sheeit…all I wanna do is remain happy, grow closer to God, work this job, get my IA certificate, make more money, marry my baby (most days), have us a baby (most days) , and enjoy feeling calm. I guess I wanna do a lot. But its feasible.

Anyway, I did end up going home for my birthday. Oddly enough the only friends that came to see me were my homey Tamika, Nay, and *gasp* the Drunken Munchkin aka DM.

DM and I have developed quite the friendship actually. He’s actually cool as hell, and I can see why we were best of friends in middle school. I don’t even mind that he’s a chatterbox now. Could be because he’s not generating conversation that’s cutting into dick-time.

*Shrug*

He’d been telling me for weeks he had something to tell me. I guessed either he got someone pregnant or was getting married.

DM swung by my house and he and I went for a walk around the block and he admitted the former: DM gon’ be a daddy ya’ll.

This is truly weird. I can’t picture him as someone’s dad. I can only see him as the nasty trollop who kisses really great, gives spectacular head, and throws some of the meanest penis. But in spite of that, he gon’ be somebody’s daddy.

Apparently it doesn’t change the freak in him cause he was trying to convince me to fuck for old time’s sake. I had to let him know it wasn’t gon’ happen. And then we walked back to my house and had ice cream cake and laughed til the wee hours of the morning.

Went to church the next day (my actual birthday), napped and flew back to the urrrea. Spent that evening on Skype with my future. I love his sexy ass. *cheese*

Truth be told though- sometimes he be getting on my nerves. I know the reasoning is gonna sound silly, but hey, I’m me and it is what it is.

Here’s the gripe I have with relationships. I love being in them until about the 6 month mark. Because that’s when the newloveydoveysupersweetfuzzy feelings wear off. For the men in my situations at least. Is it wrong for me to want that newloveydoveysupersweetfuzzy feeling to last forever? I think it bothers me so much because when I fall in love with someone, I always have that newloveydoveysupersweetfuzzy feeling. It never wears off for me. Unless a nigga just don’t have any actright.

*scratching head*

Then again, the longest halfway healthy relationship I’ve ever been in only lasted about 8 months or so.

Anyway, my man is acting like the love’s going old. Not calling and texting like he used to. I know he’s not misbehaving, I just feel like I’m putting more of my heart into it than he is. I know he loves me. I just want him to be crazy about me like he used to be. Like, I want him to always feel that way. Because of this we get into stupid arguments which often end with me apologizing to him because this ideology of mine, I admit, is halfway crazy. All I can do is pull myself back to even the score. Thing is, I don’t want to. I never want to hold myself back when it comes to loving my other half. I thought I had found someone who loved the same way I did, but now I’m not so sure. And this poses a problem, because we’re supposed to get married in December. I’m not so sure I can marry someone who isn’t as wrapped on in me as I am in them. I’ll have to go into deep prayer on this one.

*sigh*

When it aint one thing its another.

Later Gators.

Xomuah!monie__♥

Livin' the Dry Life

Bloggymuffins! How art thou?!

First, I'd like to thank all of you who have been following, both new and old, leaving comments and all of that. I read each and every one, but I'm barely able to respond these days. After I finish a day's work on the computer I can't even bear to look at Blogger or any other site. Ok, I lie. I lay in bed and facebook it up. It's pretty much the only contact I have w/my old friends back in MD and other parts of NY. Good news though. My Blackberry Tour comes today, so I'll be on here more. Yay!

But yeah, it means a lot to me to know that ya'll get a tickle and a tee-hee out of my wierd-ness. Also, I'm going to see if I can archive my entries as someone asked. Thx for all your comments girlie! :)

On the personal side:
DRIER THAN GUCCI MANE'S LIPS ON A COLD, ALASKAN DAY.

Brrrr!

I wish this mafucka would find a cocobutter cure, or something.


Yea.. not much going on over here. Now that K is trying to launch her business into a full service salon, we don't get into too much fuckery these days. Plus, now that I don't drink I find myself questioning the types of live fuckery before my eyes in the clubhouse.

Like-- I went on Sunday with my sister and her friend to this joint in Brooklyn:


*breathing in, i am breathing in...*

Now, I hadn't been to Caribbean City in like, over 5 years. All's I knew was that Bobby Konders & Jabba still played there on a Sunday. Bobby & Jabba usually do their thing so I reasoned with myself that although this was not Manhattan, and many of the mafuckas up in there were bound to be sub par... I'mma go head and go. Just for the sake of my sister; since she hasn't been out much since she had the baby.

We leave out after midnight and I arrive at Caribbean City around 2. The line is short, which is good, as it was colder than a prostitute's titty in the winter time.

The security search is borderline molestation, and something comparable to airport search. Yes. The make you put your purse in a basket; they go through it thoroughly and then hand it back for you to put everything back in order.

So...I'm getting ready to make my way inside when the coat check nigga demands I take off my cute little faux-leather jacket.
Nawwww, nigga, fuck you.

I ain't putting my batwings on display for nobody!

So yeah, I told him I didn't think so, made a motion of hands over my body and told him it was part of my outfit. He backed off and let me go inside...

and inside looked like...like.... Shanquantifon's basement bash.
Wtf. I had heard there were renovations in there, and it looked 10x shittier than it did before.

Disastrous, ya'll hear me??!! And the people in there knew nothing about clothes and matching them for the seasons.

• I saw hos in flip flops
• Hos in sling back sandals
• One bitch had on her Club Socks... you know, the chicks that are like "I have these corns and know I have no damn bid'ness wearing these pumps, so I'mma just take 'em off, hold 'em in my hand, and lounge in my barely there dress and some ankle socks"
• One bitch had on some lumberjack arm warmers and knee high houndstooth socks.

and the #1 sin for the night: big woman, like atleast a size 24 wearing a halter top and skirt, NO BRA, tittyballs just'a hanging down low like whoa. TWO DIFFERENT COLOR(blonde and black) AND DIFFERENT TEXTURE WEAVE... and dudes were putting it on her like she was hotness.

*breathing out, i am breathing out...*

I have sworn off clubs (again). I would love to have like, weekly game nights, but some of the folks I know here in NY-- I wonder if they really even know how to read. I damn near need the Rosetta Stone just to decipher their text messages/fb statuses.

Seriously. I went to school with some real Leap Frog Learn To Read type bitches.


For instance, I saw the following status update from a high school chum:

hey fb, i'm so board the hubby wen t to play basketball and the little one is gone for the hole week my aunt wanted to spend some time wit her but i miss her already smh...


No, no, bitch, I am shaking my head.

Yeah... I'm supposed to play Scrabble and Tabu, etc, with folks like that?? I don't think so. I have a better chance playing a game of Spades with my 2 year old nephew, my cat Dinka and my imaginary baby chicken, Byron. I think not.

What else, what else...

Oh yeah. Sex life is sketchy too.

D/m is actually pretty busy and I understand why now. Like I said, I have been trying my best to have actual conversations with him. He's working on getting a degree in Occupational Therapy, not a Masters in Finance like I thought. So he's got to study like crazy. He started explaining to me what he was actually studying for, but that damn logorrhea problem he has became so overwhelming I just asked to see one of his textbooks.

I was impressed. He basically has to learn a whole bunch of doctor-type stuff without having a background in science, so he's got to work double hard.

So between both of us working on bettering ourselves education-wise... there's not much time for relations the way we like to have relations. The last time I got the business from him, we went in for two rounds and I didn't get in until after 4 am. The next day I received all types of hate texts from him complaining about being tired at work. I figure we were even since I had to get up and perform Dr. Miracle type wonders on my hair to head into Manhattan.

*shrug*


So yeah, as you guys can see...life's good, cause I'm alive..but it is, as my Cali folks would say, "hella" boring.
And that's all... Lator Gators!

"You're NEGATIVE, honey."

What.


A.


Week!!!





So if you've been following, you know that I recently went to go get blood work done after my visit to the GYN and I was freaking out because of the condom mishap w/ Drunken Munchkin.

Tuesday I went to the lab so they could draw blood and all that great stuff. However, I couldn't take not knowing my status another day. Tuesday and Wednesday I prayed, moped, worried, and complained about whether I was okay or not. My dear sister suggested that since I was so worried about the HIV that she and I go on over to Planned Parenthood and just take a test. I love her. :D

Today was the big day. Talk about being a bundle of nerves. I had the 'rhea (diarrhea) all morning, couldn't eat, just a ball of nerves; reading my Bible and constantly praying.


Thank goodness for Tales From A Groupie because it distracted me for a bit.

And is now one of my favorite blogs to read in my pastime.
I read one helluva story about Mavado. Wrote a blog about that, I'll post it after this.

I digress--

Anywho, my sister and I go to Planned Parenthood. Everyone in the waiting room is looking on edge. One girl called up whoever gave her an STD right there in the middle of waiting room and told the guy, Billy was his name, that she was going to kill him, and that she knew she" got it from him". Then she proceeded to call Billy's mama, ya'll. Everyone in the waiting room looked even more tense after that hot shit.

So they finally call my name.

I go in there, they give me the little pamphlet on the HIV, make me sign a consent form, and show me how to swab my mouth for the testing.

Swab, swab... and then...

I'm waiting what seems to be the longest 20 minutes of my life as the two nurse practitioners so nonchalantly talk about:

• teens with Chlamydia
  
• how Gonorrhea is still in action
  
• Syphillis too!
  
• lipstick parties
  
• the nurse who has been exposing people to Hepatitis C
  

Now, I'm already anxious as a muthaf/ck. Having to hear all that did not make me feel any better. Finally the timer goes off, and the Nurse Practitioner turns my swab stick around.

"You're negative, honey."

Best three words I've ever heard in my life.


I feel the need to share this story because all this time I've been going to my primary care physician thinking that they've been testing me for HIV during my physicals. I just heard from my therapist that it has just become apart of mandatory blood testing this year in the State of New York. Why? New York, you doing it all wrong, son!!

For the most part I have been socially responsible. I've had unprotected sex with 3 men in the 13 years I've been having sex, and that one condom breakage.... however, you never know where someone else has been and what they've been doing.

Life and good health is something precious. From now on me and whoever I have a sexual relationship with will be heading on over to the Planned Parenthood before anything pops off.

And if I have vacay sex, that ain't nothing but a thing. My older sister works in HIV/AIDS outreach down there. We can go together.

I feel like I've been playing Russian Roulette and lucked up.

From now on, every 6 months on the 16th of whatever month I land on, I'm going for an HIV test. Even if I ain't poppin' off, I'm still going to go. That means I'm due to go January 16, 2010.

There's nothing like knowing. Tonight I can rest peacefully. I pray the lab tests don't show anything bad either. I should know about that next week or so.

Besos Muffins!!


♥ Monie

GET TESTED, YA'LL!!

Jam Rock and Hickeys

Jamaica is always fantabulous. Much partying, contact weed smoke highs, flirtation, and jerk chicken. More details to come.

In other events.

Hickeys

Boyfriend #4 is a jealous one. I have a big ass hickey on the side of my neck due to the fact that he wants dudes here to know that I'm "taken". And it has in fact worked. All the cute guys I wanna flirt w/ see it after a while and say "Oh. You already have a Jamaican boyfriend"

I have tried to lie and say its a mosquito bite, but it is quite large. :(

Now, I'm amateur to this hickey shit, but I do have Google tool bar. The revenge hickey I tried to give to him doesn't really show up. But good ole Google tool bar hipped me to some shit:

Now I know what it takes to leave a monster mark of hateration. Go'n and click that there

Gear up #4... Imma put one on the side of yo' face! Try to hide THAT!

Gosh, this puts major salt in my flirt-game. I shall have a better post for ya'll later.

kisskiss (w/ no hickey),

Monie

Bitch, Ask Your Husband!

Hey Blog muffins!! I can't even recap the Ohio trip, because the following fuckery occured and trumped its importance. I give to you:

Bitch, Ask Your Husband-- Don't text me with the bullshit. Enjoy!


Let me hit you with the following excerpt from a traditional wedding vow…



Marriage is the union of husband and wife in heart, body and mind. It is intended for their mutual joy – and for the help and comfort given on another in prosperity and adversity. But more importantly – it is a means through which a stable and loving environment may be attained.



Through marriage, Ho Ass Nigga and Illiterate Ass Ho make a commitment together to face their disappointments – embrace their dreams – realize their hopes – and accept each other’s failures. Ho Ass Nigga and Illiterate Ass Ho will promise one another to aspire to these ideals throughout their lives together – through mutual understanding – openness – and sensitivity to each other.


Now, my name ain’t Ho Ass Nigga, and it fa sho ain’t Illiterate Ass Ho, so why do I get asked the following fuckery by Illiterate Ass Ho in the wee hours of the morning??


Picture it:

2:27 am; your insomniac ass awakes to see the following text message coming from some trollop-ass nigga that gave you his number:




“Helo mo y are you textn my husband at 3 am”


* Everybody all together now, chime in audience style: *

“BITCH, ASK YOUR HUSBAND!”

*Family Fued style *ding! * goes off*

Ughhh!!

There I was, not only aggravated by the illiteracy of the text message, but aggravated because she is asking me why I’m texting him.

Now my first reaction was to text-thug the bitch and read her.

The old Mo would have set the QWERTY keypad on fire with something like:

“Because he likes me. He thinks I’m sexy. You should see me. I totally agree.”

or

“What the fuck? You need to go ask your man why he’s texting me back at 3:02 in the morning. He gave me his number, and seems to be unaware of the fact that the two of you are married. You should have a talk with him, and I should not be included, as I am not apart of your marriage union. Clearly, there is something amiss in your relationship. Don’t call or text my phone either because I ain’t responsible for how you're going to feel when we get done talking.”

Not too mean, but nasty enough to warrant drama, which is something I want no part of.

However, therapy has taught me to wait a while before taking action, since I am an impulsive mafucka.

So around 2:30 I politely text back:

“Hello to you…wow! Because he didn’t tell me he was anyone’s husband. Since that’s the case, he can lose my #! Thx!




After all the nice little vows he agreed to, she should be asking him, not me. I don’t owe any explanations because:

I did not take any vows

I didn’t exchange any bodily fluids with him – particularly because he didn’t meet my “looks requirement”... plus it was the week of the 12th-- ya'll know what that means!

Jagged Edge was not playing while I was meeting anyone at the alter in my white dress

My ring finger- nobody has yet to like it enough to put anything there.

Bitch, I don't know you! ( which should be #1 on this list)




I try my best not to home-wreck; I really do. When this woman’s husband was talking all kinds of shit to me, calling me “his wife” (what irony!) I asked him specifically HOW MANY WOMEN did he have. He said he had none. Of course I didn’t believe this, but my thing is this:

Don’t lie. Be honest. Honesty is the biggest turn on next to a big dick and a smile.

There’s plenty of women out there who don’t mind fucking with married niggas (not me).

There’s a vast sea of mistresses out there just waiting to get slayed on a mattress at the Comfort Inn. Just not me.

I think I'm going to call him one last time and refer him to my rules on how to step out on your woman. Go'n and click that there.


I shall also let him reference my supplement Stepping Out: How to Avoid Being A Donkey Click that there when you're done!

Smdh!! Contrary to popular belief, I’m a good girl-- for the most part. It’s just that something about me screams side bitch to these dudes. It might be the things I say. Could be the way I dance. Maybe I got that ho- walk? Either way, I shall discuss this at therapy. And this my friends, is why a bitch can’t ever cease sessions.

Reference:
http://www.weddingplanninglinks.com/planning/traditionalweddingvows.html


ps- to my new followers, thank you!! i shall be reading up and subscribing to you guys!! xoxox monie!

The Adventures of Paw Paw

If there's one person on this earth that I can count on to entertain my silliness... and take it there with me, it's Pop Pop. From day one, he's obliged my silly-side, and for that (and other reasons) I love him.

Because most people think my silliness borders on retardation, lol.


Sometimes while he's at work, and I'm doing school work we get on IM and start talking about one thing. Something typed, leads to a joke, and sometimes a damn screenplay. One day we were making fun of the VP of his job, poking fun at the fact that he's old (i know; we're dicks, sue us) , and how he should put him on the list for Old Country Buffet specials.

Look where this one retarded joke took us:

POPPOP (1:17:13 PM): eeeelllo
SimoneDior (1:18:19 PM): what it do?
SimoneDior (1:18:28 PM): you chillin and thangs?
POPPOP (1:19:11 PM): I wish. You know I never chill while I'm here
SimoneDior (1:19:25 PM): true
SimoneDior (1:19:40 PM): i told you to give vp them coupons..then you could chill
SimoneDior (1:19:43 PM): hehe
POPPOP (1:20:24 PM): I tried... but his old ass is out cause he ran over a stop sign in his Buick


SimoneDior (1:21:27 PM): "I like things that I can remember"
POPPOP (1:22:03 PM): LOL

POPPOP (1:22:36 PM): *slowly rolls over stop sign while nodding steadily to Lena Horne playing from his cassette player*
SimoneDior (1:22:42 PM): (lMFAO, not the cassette player!)

SimoneDior (1:23:13 PM): *feeling good; turns it up, and runs through a red light*
SimoneDior (1:23:34 PM): *leaves 3 car accident behind, as Lena sings the blues*
POPPOP (1:26:48 PM): LOL

SimoneDior (1:27:41 PM): (lol... i feel an airbag getting ready to pop out soon... he is doing the most in that Buick)
POPPOP (1:28:50 PM): *feels good cuase lena horne is a piece of tail that he can actually remember*
SimoneDior (1:29:00 PM): lmbao
SimoneDior (1:29:05 PM): "piece of tail"


SimoneDior (1:29:35 PM): *rubs his right hand over his crotch*
POPPOP (1:29:54 PM): lol
SimoneDior (1:29:56 PM): *no rise*
SimoneDior (1:30:10 PM): *shrugs and continues driving*
POPPOP (1:30:33 PM): *rubs right hand over crotch and thinks* "if only you'd wake up" *hangs head*
POPPOP (1:30:42 PM): lol
POPPOP (1:30:43 PM): (lol)
POPPOP (1:30:47 PM): (u stupid)
SimoneDior (1:31:17 PM): lmmfao


SimoneDior (1:31:34 PM): *shakes leg, car swerves*
SimoneDior (1:31:46 PM): Old Man cries: Wake up, dammit
SimoneDior (1:31:59 PM): *Lena wails in the background*
POPPOP (1:32:27 PM): lmao
SimoneDior (1:33:00 PM): uh oh..
SimoneDior (1:33:32 PM): *vigorous shaking and rubbing causes old man to swerve onto the sidewalk, knocking down 3 adults and a dog*
SimoneDior (1:34:06 PM): Old man shakily screams: Ahh-huhuhhh
POPPOP (1:34:22 PM): LOL

SimoneDior (1:34:34 PM): *Buick crashes through Macy*s display window*
SimoneDior (1:34:44 PM): *Penis is FINALLY hard*
SimoneDior (1:34:49 PM): *Lena continues to sing*
POPPOP (1:34:49 PM): LOL


SimoneDior (1:35:07 PM): Old Man: I always knew the old boy still had it
SimoneDior (1:35:13 PM): *Old man hangs head and passes out*

POPPOP (1:36:01 PM): *Old man puts the buick in reverse and looks left and then right* "where am I? I remember there being a Sears & Roebuck around here" *makes a right turn and proceeds to search for the Sears
SimoneDior (1:36:43 PM): LMMFAO
SimoneDior (1:36:55 PM): NOT Sears AND Roebuck!!!

SimoneDior (1:37:20 PM): *circles around the block 9 times*
POPPOP (1:37:26 PM): LOL
POPPOP (1:38:17 PM): *circles the block an additional time and scratches head* "where am I? I remember there being a Sears & Roebuck around here" "makes a right turn and proceeds to search for the Sears AGAIN!*


SimoneDior (1:38:45 PM): *circles block an additional 3 times*
SimoneDior (1:38:56 PM): *calls his grand daughter*
POPPOP (1:39:07 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:39:24 PM): *LOUDLY*
Jenny?!
POPPOP (1:39:31 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:39:40 PM): Jenny: Yes Paw Paw
SimoneDior (1:39:55 PM): Old Man: Wheres that Sears & Roebuck?
SimoneDior (1:40:00 PM): Jenny: Where??
POPPOP (1:40:13 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:40:17 PM): Paw Paw shouts: SEARS AND ROEBUCK DAMMIT, SEARS AND ROEBUCK!!!

POPPOP (1:40:48 PM): Jenny: Calm down paw paw. I don't know what that store is.
SimoneDior (1:40:59 PM): PawPaw: WHADYA MEAN???!
POPPOP (1:41:03 PM): Paw Paw: It's where I bought your first corset!!!
SimoneDior (1:41:07 PM): LMMFAO

SimoneDior (1:41:23 PM): Jenny: Corset?
POPPOP (1:41:31 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:41:55 PM): *Paw Paw angrily hangs up phone. *
POPPOP (1:42:03 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:42:13 PM): I'll teach you to play with me!
I'm gonna wear that hide when i get home
SimoneDior (1:42:32 PM): *Paw Paw shifts and eases his Depends wedgie from his butt*
POPPOP (1:43:45 PM): Narrator: Unbeknownst to Paw Paw, he has shifted his Depends a bit too far and proceeds to drive home shitting in his pants leg the entire way.
SimoneDior (1:43:58 PM): Lmmfao!! you gotta love the Narrator

POPPOP (1:45:02 PM): LOL... I know. He always sets shit straight
SimoneDior (1:45:11 PM): LITERALLY
SimoneDior (1:45:12 PM): lol
POPPOP (1:45:38 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:45:42 PM): *Paw Paw pulls into the driveway, turns car off, opens the door, and puts one leg out to stand*
SimoneDior (1:45:54 PM): *A sea of shit falls out his pant leg*
POPPOP (1:45:56 PM): LMAO

POPPOP (1:46:11 PM): I already KNEW where you were going with that one
SimoneDior (1:46:15 PM): Paw Paw: GABDAMMIT GABDAMMIT GABDAMMIT!!!
SimoneDior (1:46:17 PM): lmao
POPPOP (1:46:58 PM): lmao
SimoneDior (1:47:01 PM): *shouts for his wife*

SimoneDior (1:47:27 PM): PawPaw: ABIGAIL! I DONE MESSED UP MY PANTS AND THE BRAND NEW BUICK!
SimoneDior (1:47:41 PM): *Abigail runs to the porch*
SimoneDior (1:48:04 PM): Abigail: GABDAMMIT GABDAMMIT GABDAMMIT!!!!!!!!! WHO'S GONNA CLEAN UP THIS SHIT!
POPPOP (1:48:13 PM): LMAO @ Abigail

SimoneDior (1:48:19 PM): Not me! Maude and I are going to Old Country Buffet
SimoneDior (1:48:35 PM): Paw Paw: OLD COUNTRY BUFFET???? WITH WHAT MONEY??
SimoneDior (1:48:52 PM): Abigail: my social security like its any of your business
SimoneDior (1:49:06 PM): PawPaw: but you said we'd use that to get a new antennae for the tv
POPPOP (1:49:14 PM): LOL

SimoneDior (1:49:28 PM): Abigail: old slew footed man! Aint you heard. The whole nations gone digital!

SimoneDior (1:50:31 PM): Abigail: I guess I'm gonna have to ask Maude for a ride. You shat in the new Buick!
POPPOP (1:50:32 PM): Paw Paw: Digital? There you go again with your confounded nick nacks and doo dads. Go turn on the HAM radio so I can listen to the lone ranger.
SimoneDior (1:50:42 PM): LMMFAO
SimoneDior (1:50:43 PM): LMMFAO
SimoneDior (1:50:44 PM): LMMFAO
SimoneDior (1:50:55 PM): LMAO@ DOO DADS
SimoneDior (1:51:00 PM): AND LONE RANGER
SimoneDior (1:51:21 PM): *Abigail holds her nose and steps past him*: Lone Ranger don't come on no more
SimoneDior (1:51:27 PM): *mutters*
SimoneDior (1:51:29 PM): Dumb ass
POPPOP (1:51:41 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:51:43 PM): Paw Paw: I HEARD THAT! I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID BOUT WHAT YOU THINK!
POPPOP (1:51:50 PM): LOL


POPPOP (1:52:17 PM): Paw Paw: Huh? What?
SimoneDior (1:52:25 PM): Paw Paw: I'mma teach you a lesson. Im gon, I'm gon..
POPPOP (1:52:30 PM): Abigail: I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING!!!
SimoneDior (1:52:40 PM): Paw Paw: Aww yes you did!
POPPOP (1:52:40 PM): Paw Paw: WHERE'S MY CORN BEEF?!?!
SimoneDior (1:52:46 PM): lmbao

POPPOP (1:52:50 PM): Abigail: What?
SimoneDior (1:52:52 PM): not corned beef, lmbao!

SimoneDior (1:53:10 PM): Paw Paw: if I could bend down I'd throw this shit on the back of your dress!
SimoneDior (1:53:16 PM): I SAY WHERES MY CORN BEEF?
SimoneDior (1:53:18 PM): BITCH!
POPPOP (1:53:36 PM): LOL
POPPOP (1:53:37 PM): LOL

POPPOP (1:53:56 PM): I'm trying SOOOOOO HARD not to bust out laffing right now
SimoneDior (1:54:46 PM): shhhhhhhhhhhh!!
SimoneDior (1:54:47 PM): lol
SimoneDior (1:55:29 PM): Abigail: who you callin a bitch?? U.N.I.T.Y...
SimoneDior (1:55:31 PM): lol
POPPOP (1:55:40 PM): LMAO
POPPOP (1:56:03 PM): Paw Paw: U-N-I-T.... U.... Unicorn????
SimoneDior (1:56:07 PM): lmfao

SimoneDior (1:56:17 PM): Abigail: Unicorn? You fool!
SimoneDior (1:56:39 PM): Abigail: U-N-I-T-Y spells uniform!
SimoneDor (1:56:42 PM): dumb ass!
SimoneDior (1:56:52 PM): Paw Paw: I aint gon be too many more dumb asses
SimoneDior (1:57:11 PM): Say it again.. and I'mma withhold mah johnson!
POPPOP (1:57:32 PM): LOL
POPPOP (1:57:46 PM): LMAO @ spells uniform
POPPOP (1:57:54 PM): LMMFAO @ mah johnson
SimoneDior (1:58:11 PM): lmao
POPPOP (1:58:20 PM): Abigail: Your johnson? I don't even remember what your johnson SMELLS like
SimoneDior (1:58:25 PM): lmao

SimoneDior (1:58:39 PM): Paw Paw: You wasn't saying that last night!!
SimoneDior (1:58:48 PM): Abigail: wasn't saying it last year neither..
POPPOP (1:58:54 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (1:58:57 PM): lol
POPPOP (1:59:23 PM): Abigail: and for the record, last night you fell asleep in church and I left you there. You only THOUGHT you were at home.
SimoneDior (1:59:31 PM): (dizammmn!)
SimoneDior (1:59:32 PM): lmao
SimoneDior (1:59:54 PM): Paw Paw: NOW WHAT NOW?!
SimoneDior (1:59:59 PM): left me there?
SimoneDior (2:00:13 PM): You were probably off with George Lucas
SimoneDior (2:00:18 PM): giving him the poontang!
POPPOP (2:00:30 PM): LMAO
SimoneDior (2:00:33 PM): I aint forgot bout that time you cheated on me!
SimoneDior (2:00:38 PM): i ain't forgot
SimoneDior (2:00:39 PM): I ain't
SimoneDior (2:00:42 PM): uh..
SimoneDior (2:00:45 PM): what was I saying?
POPPOP (2:00:49 PM): LOL
SimoneDior (2:01:00 PM): Abigail: Lawd, keep me near the cross!
SimoneDior (2:01:24 PM): Abigail: move out of my way you shit tank! I gots to go!
POPPOP (2:01:44 PM): Abigail: I ain't forget about you either. Wagging your junk in front of Esther tryin to make it hard. You couldn't do nuthin anyway but it was THE PRINCIPLE.
SimoneDior (2:02:07 PM): lmmfao
SimoneDior (2:02:16 PM): (m in here DYING)
SimoneDior (2:02:54 PM): Paw Paw: She liked it though!
SimoneDior (2:03:03 PM): Abigail: Esther is blind, fool!
SimoneDior (2:03:15 PM): Paw Paw: SUMMA MA GUN!
POPPOP (2:03:16 PM): LMAO

SimoneDior (2:03:19 PM): lol
POPPOP (2:03:22 PM): (Now I'm in HERE dying)
SimoneDior (2:03:40 PM): i've GOTS to post this story in my blog one day
SimoneDior (2:03:43 PM): this is heedamnlarious
POPPOP (2:04:11 PM): yeah... I think it'll be hilarious
SimoneDior (2:04:16 PM): definitely
SimoneDior (2:04:41 PM): Paw Paw : So you really ain't gonna clean up mah shit?
SimoneDior (2:04:43 PM): lol
SimoneDior (2:04:47 PM): (sorry, i couldnt resist)

POPPOP (2:05:01 PM): LOL

SimoneDior (2:05:11 PM): lol
POPPOP (2:05:17 PM): Paw Paw: U... ur.... ur gonna clean mah shit!
SimoneDior (2:05:23 PM): LMMFAO

SimoneDior (2:05:36 PM): UR..UR GONNA CLEAN MY BUICK

LMMFAO, hot mess. Love you, Pop Pop. I'm still waiting on you to update your blog.. uh, yeah, thanks.

-Monie

A.D.I.D.A.S. - Giving trouble and Sexual Recaps

God is GOOD! I've finished those wretched papers. Now all I have is a final. There's a good chance I'll be doing it on the beach in Negril, but hey. You can't have it all, right?

Again, I want to thank you all that left me encouraging comments on my last post. I was feeling like a hot shitastrophic mess that day. I pretty much have my sleeping pattern in order again, so you probably won't read anything else that soft, pink, and desperate... until next month when I'm menstrual again. :-)

Other than that, everything is everything. I went to the Asian Toe Masters (ATMs) on Friday, and I am glad to report nobody's toe crumbs were splattered all over my little red flats or flip flops thank God.

A.D.I.D.A.S. - Giving Trouble-Sexual Recaps

So, sometimes when I'm feeling frisky I'll text my old bussdowns or hit 'em via facebook and flirt shamelessly with them. When your pussy gets no action, these are the types of things you resort to. Anywho...

I don't know why they fall for it everytime. They already know I'm not giving up the box, but they eat it up (no pun intended, lol) everytime.

Today I weighed in on Old Head and The Drunken Munchkin. I always like to even things out, hit up one in NY, and one in the DC area. One in Jamaica, one in Atlanta.

I like things balanced like that.

So anywho.

I hit up Old Head on the 'book. I call him Old Head 'cause he's like five years older than me, and still uses old school ass words like "twat" , "trap" , "cock", and "cutty".

I decided to mess with him since he changed his relationship from:

"It's Complicated" to "Single"

*word to the wise-- if you know your relationship is shaky, don't even advertise that joint on facebook. when Iam Anass shows up on my minifeed "Iam Anass is no longer in a relationship" I giggle, go over to your girlfriend's page who's page reads "It's complicated" and then gaffaw.

Sooo I decided to leave Old Head all types of flirtatious shit today.

It's not that I'm a homewrecker. It's more like getback. See, I used to tap that a while back until suddenly without notice he decided he wants to be in a relationship with this chick. According to him, he would have wanted to be with me, but she lived closer.

Lamest excuse I've ever heard.

Whatever.

But as always, I keep my game face on, and never let these hos/n---s know how it is I'm feeling, and keep shit pressing. Anyway, he throws a birthday party, and she's in the building. He goes to introduce us, and I hold out my hand to shake hers and the bitch turned around and walked off! Tres rude!!

See, I don't get some females. So what I used to smash that? You got him now, so there's no need for beef and bitch-like behavior towards me. This has happened to me more than 4 times that I can recall. None of these chicks should see me as a threat.

A girl should always want for her man to kick me to the side so he can be with her.

Because I have too much pride to allow him in back into my special place after that kind of nonsense.

And by my special place, I do not mean my heart.

I'm talking vagina, ya dig?

So ever since then, I don't respect her, and I make it a point to behave as inappropriately as I can towards Old Head.

Why? Cause I can. Besides, I'm completely harmless.

Then I text the Drunken Munchkin. We're talking about how we haven't seen each other in the gym lately. Well, actually I do see him. I just make it a point to not go over and say hi because I know he'll never stop talking. So I get up in his head and tell him I peeped him, but he didn't see me, and I might have to tap that again. Bwahahaa-- soo not true. So he texts back "you know I been trying to hit that again for the longest".

That'll never go down.

What can I say? I'm an entertainment whore. Plus its nice to know that there's always someone out there who wants to fuck you.

Even if you don't particularly want to fuck them.

So even though I'm hardcore celibate, sometimes I scroll through my phone to see who I'd tap one more time for old times sake.

There are only 2 of them, as I am picky, and my sex standards are higher than the Empire state. Plus, there aint all that many of them anyway. :-(

One is a definite no-no... and the other...oh snap... he's a definite no-no too!

Let's name them. I'll call one of them El Capricorn, since he's mixed with everything under the sun, and he is a Capricorn. The other one, let's christen him Thick-Brown-AMAZING.

This n--- El Capricorn be smashing out hos all the time, recapping it with me...plus he's married, one kid with his wife, and with another baby on the outside. He's my ace though; I just can't go there with him again.

I'm cautious about men whose sperm I know is in working order.

But aside from allllllladat, his dickgame was mindblowing. I smashed this in like 2003, ONE TIME and it's still that damn memorable.

Fellas, when you put it down, put it down PROPER. Because six years later, some old empty-pussy broad like myself might be recapping on the shit. LOLOL!

Sooo..

Thick-Brown-AMAZING... chiiiiile... I need a damn moment of silence for his dick.

*silence*

He's one of those men that...

*puffs imaginary clove, exhales*

swings his dick so damn good, you lightweight wanna share it with your bestest homegirl, just so she can have this experience of a lifetime as well. Thick-Brown-AMAZING is well-skilled in giving out multiple orgasms like its nothing, and has been blessed with the ability to knock the bottom out as well as rub the walls. Rare shit.

I never planned on hitting this (contrary to popular belief among frienemies) but when I did, it was quite a pleasant surprise. It was like seeing an Iberian Lynx. (Go'n and click that there, for those of you who don't know what an Iberian Lynx is)

He always made me feel like if I never had sex again, it just might be ok.

Perhaps this is why the 1 year and four month celibacy really isn't all that terrible??? Damn him, and his Iberian Lynx dick, damn him!!

Unfortunately, I can no longer depend upon neither El Capricorn or Thick-Brown-Amazing, as they are now responsible for navigating their respective wives/ g/fs vaginas---

(well, El Cap throws his dick everywhere, so not really him)

.... so I'll just tighten up the chastity belt and keep it moving with my memories.

Alright folks, enough dicktalk. I'm going to sleep. Got a meeting with school officials for one of my kiddies I tutor. Should be interesting.

xoxox-monie!

My name is Simone, and I am a Spinster Bitch..who ain't doing shit today!

i am burnt.
the. fuck.
out.

i'm frazzled!! i've been working non-stop off of minimal hours of sleep so that i can get all this shit done before heading to jamaica, but dammit.

a ho cain't take no mo', for the rest of the day...

I AIN'T DOING SHIT!

• I'm gonna do 90 minutes of Taebo (maybe)
• catch up on some more blogs (yesssssss!)
• order something italian and yummy (definitely)
• read a trashy hood novel (fo' sho) and
• watch Stringer Bell and Bodie (mmmmhmmmm :-)

on another note: thank you Rio Tapatio for your blog award. It sooooo made my heart smile:-) i'm always a bit shocked to know that folks are entertained by insanity, lol. i enjoy your blog as well. it makes me wish i were more artsy. fab. and kewwwwl... just like you.

thanks again!

Spinster Bitch: My Worst Fear- A Short Story

I am terribly, disgustingly completely lonely.

Yeah, I said it. No shame in my game anymore.

It has been approximately 5 years since I've had a real relationship. And actually; he was so wack and dry... I don't even consider him.

Of course I've had my fuck buddies, the ones that have used me up and whored me out, lol. and those who claimed to be my man but really weren't--after, in between, once, during...hey, i believe in insurance dick.

Anywho, the point is I'm 26 (shit, round that off to 30 if you'd like) and I have yet to have a serious relationship. EVER.

I think it would be good to have one.
Especially since everyone's getting paired off and having kids. Because that leaves me with no club partners, no drinking buddies, basically no social life. I don't do the third wheel bullshit and my friends' boyfriends have wierdos/psychos/ugmos for friends.

(I don't know what I'm gonna do when I move to DC)

I refuse to have an ugly man. Tried it. Hated it!

Not a good look for me or my forehead. He was so homely I had my eyes squeezed shut the entire time (which felt like forever) to the point I had a headache and a slight crease in my forehead. Ain't that much Oil of Olay and Visine in the world! So even though he was a sweetheart, and would have given me his whole homely little world...
I couldn't do it. So I deaded that.

But...

Am I gonna be that old bitch in the club? Like Kerri Washington in I Think I Love My Wife (sans the overbite, of course)?

I have a sneaking suspicion that's going to be me. And it scares the shit out of me, I can't even lie. I feel like I'm gonna end up just like that. Being fabulous, but opting to marry someone boring and safe, who stimulates absolutely no part of me. Just so that I don't have to live alone in my old age with Life Alert.

Or God forbid, trying to homewreck some married man's relationship!?

Dear God, please don't allow this to happen.

I think about this almost everyday (even when I'm not menstrual) and it makes me terribly sad :-(

I can't front.

I'm one heck of a gal, and it sucks that no one may ever get to know it. *sigh*

My therapist and I agree that I'm extremely picky, and she says that's ok.

I agree with her.

Sheeeeeit, I've been through too much shit to allow some basketcase bastard to come into my life and fuck shit up. Even though a bitch has "coping skills"... I don't feel like using them all the time. LOL Seriously though; I've been through enough. Besides, somebody's gotta be the level-headed one in the relationship!

We think (lol @ "we" ; like she and i are a couple-- hell at this point, we might as well be) that I should consider online dating when I get my driving skills back in order.

(I have a panic disorder, so my driving is very limited)

There's no public transportation here after 6, and I don't trust nan nigga to take me home after I was date raped while I was living in MD.

So get this lameness-- I practice driving to and from Applebees in my town. When I get to the point where I can master driving without feeling afraid or having to drive with someone, then I can join match.com and date.

It makes me laugh to even think that this is what it has all come down to.

And I laugh so that I won't cry that this is what it has come down to.

I'm actually getting sleepy now. I haven't slept since yesterday 8 am.

Probably why I'm putting myself all on blast like this. Oh well.

*shrugs*

later gators :)

wish me luck in cheering up later. thx!

monie xo

random- accuweather bullshit, and the difference between dick and penis

accuweather bullshit



now is it just me, or do these acuweather mafuckas hype up weather situations to be more than what they really will be? they started up with the bullshit last night about how we were supposed to get a buttload of snow starting then. it didn't snow here til about 11:somthing, and stopped around 2:00. it's approximately...no,it is 3:20, and we have probably less than an inch of snow on the ground. none of it stuck.



just like with that hurricane (ike) this summer in texas. they had us believing the most was gonna happen. they were so excited about it being possibly the worse hurricanes in history. all the weatherbitches and weatherbastards had that 'im-about-to-bust-one' gleam in their eye. and then when it wasn't what they said it would be, they looked so dejected. bitches.

*update... whadya know? Accuweather was half right this time. We have a substantial amount of the white stuff and it did stick. Hmm.

dick and penis-- what's the difference?
and the things you need to know...



i like to think that they are different; kinda like how chris rock (my comedic god father in my mind) says there's a difference between "pussy" and "vagina".

let's break it on down.



penis-

penis is aight. if you were to compare him to dick, he'd be a jc penny's, at best, a macy*s, and dick would be... saks -- no pun intended. ;)

so yeah, penis, does what penis was created for: intercourse and at it's worse, pregnancy. sometimes when you just gotta get slayed, you can opt for penis. it's like methadone.

anywho, there are three categories of penis:



what-is-this?-penis-
its just like you think. serves no purpose. i won't even waste my time going into detail. this is the kind of sex where you stare at the cieling and wonder how you got yourself into such a f/cked up predicament. it's wack, it's dry...but the upside is, it's usually done in less than 19 minutes.

Tools Relief: nan.that's right, "nan" , not even "none".


bland penis-
also, just like you think. the owner of bland penis always feels like he's really doing the most though. sometimes if you're desperate and have no options, you'll lay there, one leg up,taking it, and wishing upon a star that you'll come. if you do have options, you will promptly tell him to step off so you can get up and go on about your b/i.

Tools/Relief: *the rag (for you, not him, fuck him), the drink of your choice (to make you happy), and your cell phone (so you can vent to your bff about how terrible it was)

*(The rag is the moist warm rag that's essential for after you get it in. The rag by no means takes the place of a shower or worse case scenario, whore bath [washing your coochie, ass and arm pits]. You just use it until the shakiness leaves from your legs. Then you really handle your business in the bathroom)

moving on...

i-can't-believe-its-not-dick-penis- sometimes penis will surprise you. and that's where your i-can't-believe-its-not-dick type penis comes in. the thing about this type is, it's not consistent and oftentimes reverts back to bland penis, therefore it can never rise to dick status. :(

Tools/Relief: head scarf, the rag (for you; and if he's of service to you that day, you can share if you'd like)

let's talk about dick now.

man, i love dick!
--- realest shit i ever wrote.

*fans self*


So yes, the best thing about dick is , there's variety. The one thing dick has in common is that it will either knock the bottom out your shit, or rub the walls.

I'm gonna lay them out in order. Make note of how the rag always pops up in the dick category. *Note to fellas-- if the rag makes an appearance, or even a paper towel...and it's used on you...4 stars. you've done well.

Get-Right Dick-
Not always your first choice, but it's tried and true, guaranteed to give you a good one or two sexual erruptions.

Tools/Relief: head scarf, comb, brush, the rag.

Gangsta Dick-
May start off nice, but it does not play around. Gangsta D. operators sex you like they're fighting you. You don't want to deal with this type of dick unless you have health insurance. There's a 89% chance you may get hemmed up, choked , hair from your head will be missing, you may even come close to passing out. You may end up needing medical attention cause you done f/cked around (literally) and tore your damn hamstring. Gangsta D operates no less than an hour. Come prepared with a scarf for your head, because you will be sweating out your perm/press/flat iron.

Tools/Relief:the rag, Ben Gay patch/vapor rub/tiger balm, hot bath with epsom salts, head scarf or hat. don't bother with the other stuff. your body will hurt too much to do anything else.

Euphoria Dick-
Makes you really happy. Something like smoking good piff and then eating a 20 piece Chicken McNugget meal and washing it down with a Large orange Hi-C. (Fatass! Fatass!!) You are happy. You are satiated. You are getting off 4 times at minimum, and your stress is just practically melting away. Euphoria dick will compel you to give back all you can; even if its nothing more than "dick-to-jaw-time" for a good hour and change. And more times that's all you can do, because the rest of your body is tired and it wouldn't be sexy reaching for the tiger balm/vapor rub mid buss-down to rub on your aching muscles.

Tools and Relief: 5 hour nap. Do what you can after that.

Chipotle Dick- Chipotle dick does the perfect mix of everything . Just as the chipotle burrito bol has the right combination of everything, chipotle dick operates like this. Chipotle Dick Operators will pin you up in all kinds of ways, pull your hair, and give you the proper freak down. This is the kind where you leave feeling refreshed and feeling lucky to have a vagina. you have to re-cooperate for at least a day after you get it, and your body hurts in places you didn't even know could hurt. The down-side (just like Chipotle), it's addictive, and you usually can't have it all the time that you want it for various reasons. If your mental state is awry, leave this kind a-lone!

Tools and Relief: 8 hour rest.The rag. Ben Gay patch/vapor rub/tiger balm, hot bath with epsom salts, head scarf, comb, paddle brush, gel, ponytail holder. If you rocking the short and sexy cut, bring a cute hat.

So yup...that's the difference. Ladies go gauge the types you've had. Fellas...ask someone to gauge the type you are. Because there is a possibility that you think you have Chipotle dick, when in all actuality, you posses bland penis.

*Blank Stare*

So that's all for today. There's a margarita with my name on it, just waiting.

lator gators! - monie:)

diggin in the crates, plus other random shit

Monie's Jukebox-throwback edition

i love me some ghostface killah, yes i do! today while working out with my Creative Zen on 'random play' , Ghost's "Love Session" came through my headphones. And I thought to myself, "self?" Self said "Hmm?" I need me a Gawd like the Ghost. He wears his heart on his sleeve for real.

You my pumpkin and my 'nilla custard; you cussed me outwhen you found condoms
layin in my pocket I was bustedI gets right witchu (uh) form a life with you
(yeah)The type after sex get a warm rag and then wipe youHyped up love light it
up, might bite you at the altarI'm bitin off you, I'm wearin white too

This is the kind of shit that if a dude said it to you, you'd crack the hell up and simply melt. Or maybe that's just me? Either way, I love Ghost's always-in-love-breaking-up-revenge-to-make-back-up rapping ass. i.e. Same Again, Back Like That... and a few others.

Wow.. I felt old when this one came through my headphones. 1996. A lot happened that year. This album is probably partly to blame for me losing my virginity. Let's not lie. We all wanted to be like Lil Kim without getting poked in the ass or sucking a D. Well, I can't speak for others, but I know my bff K and I did. I had hoochie dreams, but they came to a halt after I had sex twice and people started talking. K kept the dream alive though. (I still live vicariously through her) I closed my legs and decided against doing the Big Momma Thang for a long time. Well, 4 years.

I digress, I got a little happy inside, kicked it up on the elliptical machine and started rapping along.

That's how many times I wanna cum, twenty-one
And another one, and another one,
and another one
24 carots nigga
That's when I'm fuckin wit' the average nigga
Work the shaft, brothers be battin' me, and oh
Don'tcha like the way I roll
And play wit' my bushy
Tell me what's on your mind when your tongue's in the pussyIs it marriage? (Damn this bitch is bad) Baby carriage? (Damn, I love that ass!)
Shit no, on a dime shit is mine
Got to keep 'em comin' all the time

Hmm. I've been singing the wrong words to that one for 13 years now. I could have sworn she said:
"Word to shaft/and niggas be battling/Oh don't you like the way I roll/ And play with my P--sy/ Tell me what's on your mind when the tongue's in the p--y"

Oh well
*shrugs*

Question. Have you ever noticed how random this song is? Kim comes on the track talking about no longer being scared of the dick, Jay comes on there talking about how he'll sex her continuously, the Roc-A-Fella crew, et cetera, and then here comes Cease and Kim with a hook that has shit to do with nothing:

"Killas be quiet, my nigga bring the riots
Tough talk, tough walk, shit is tired
You wanna be this Queen B, but ya can't be
That's why your mad at me"

Huh? What? Shut. Up.

Random

Jason's Lyric came on today. I Dvr'd it. (Is "DVR'd" a word?). So yeah, I DVR'd it. I'm watching it for like the fiftymillionth time, in amazement by how it manages to be countrified, hood, and romantic all at the same time.

I reckon Chipotle has crack in it. Everytime I have it, I'm already plotting on how and when I'm gonna get my next fix. It's like getting good dick. I wish I were still sexually active so I could say to K:

"Son! That nigga had that Chipotle dick!"

Cause only she'd understand. She's addicted to it too. And its to the point where the people who work there smile at us knowingly when they see us come into the spot to order tacos (me), burrito bol (k), and soft tacos (k's 7 year old who is also addicted).

Bad Girls Club

If they ain't bout the craziest set of bitches!! I want someone to slap the piss fire out of Kasey. And I hope Tiffany is the one to do it.

"Absolutely, positively, no sex in the champagne room naw"

- Chris Rock ft. Gerald Levert

I've been abstaining for a year and 3 months. And even though I'm always hornier than a 15 year old teenaged boy... everytime I hear about someone getting the Herp, or some other nastiness... I know I'm doing the right thing.

And more penis picture mail

Only this time its not mine. K received some. I'm glad to report it wasn't ashy, all one pretty brown color, nice girth. I couldn't stop looking at it. However, K is not gonna take that ride. She doesn't like the penis-picture-mail-sender. Too bad, so sad.

I'm tired. It's past my new bedtime.