Showing posts with label bitchin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bitchin. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
been a minute, yeah i know. Slap me.
Hey muffins!
How I've missed thou. I've just been going through lots of personal changes. Not that that's an excuse. But. Whatever.
Life is pretty good. Just grinding, knocking out this certificate, and weeding out the waste in my life. By waste I mean particular people. Unfortunately this included folks who I considered very near and dear to me. Then i realized that I wasn't nearly as near and dear to them.
You've heard it before. Some people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
It's been my experience that hos be lasting a season and many a time they don't never have no reason. I can count on my hands who's been around a lifetime. I won't blame said hos. Lots of times it's my own fault. But whatever. Either way, those meant to be in your life will be there. Those who are not, will make their exit.
One thing's for certain, two things for sure- you won't even miss them after a while.
Spent Christmas in the JA. My family came down as well, and my family and my fiance's families met. My family met my fiance' for the first time. I am glad to say he passed the test :)
We had lots and lotsa fun. Lotsa rum. Monie got lots of relations. Woo chir'rens! I shall touch more on that when I get home though. Don't wanna give the goodies on the work pc :)
Well, that's all for now folks.
Later gators!
**_monie
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Three Years Later… Post Glory Days, and Other Bullshit
*dead pause*
And as dry as that sentence was is exactly how I spent it.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be alive; Praise God, but as much as I hate to admit it—I’m truly an old bitch grown up now. I remember when I went home to recuperate from life back in 2007 all I wanted was for my anxiety to be gone so I could go to happy hours and clubs with my peoples, drank tequila, and paint the town red…and green, and mafuckin gold.
But no more.
I would love to say it’s because the old crew has disbanded, people who used to love you no longer love you, you no longer love them, bitches got kids and shit, et cetera et cetera. But honestly, even if I had the chance to do it—I don’t think I’d want to.
I am in fact the reason that I am an old bitch.
When you spend 3 years working to feel calm (and this is still in progress), learning to be still when all you want to do is run (for no damn reason at that) ; facing things, and being a grown ass woman—the last thing on your agenda is guzzling dranks and dropping it down low to the floor.
I mean, even when I heard my favorite club (Love) had re-opened I still didn’t feel compelled to go out. That was when I knew it was over for me, because back in the day if I heard the gang was going to Love, I all but wet my panties.
Besides. None of my bad bitches were here to hit it up with me. Plus, I might still be on the banned list from that one night…
*blankstare*
We’ll talk about that hot mess another day. Anywho.
Trust me, I ain’t knocking nobody if this is still their thing. It’s just not mine anymore. And I accept that.
Sheeit…all I wanna do is remain happy, grow closer to God, work this job, get my IA certificate, make more money, marry my baby (most days), have us a baby (most days) , and enjoy feeling calm. I guess I wanna do a lot. But its feasible.
Anyway, I did end up going home for my birthday. Oddly enough the only friends that came to see me were my homey Tamika, Nay, and *gasp* the Drunken Munchkin aka DM.
DM and I have developed quite the friendship actually. He’s actually cool as hell, and I can see why we were best of friends in middle school. I don’t even mind that he’s a chatterbox now. Could be because he’s not generating conversation that’s cutting into dick-time.
*Shrug*
He’d been telling me for weeks he had something to tell me. I guessed either he got someone pregnant or was getting married.
DM swung by my house and he and I went for a walk around the block and he admitted the former: DM gon’ be a daddy ya’ll.
This is truly weird. I can’t picture him as someone’s dad. I can only see him as the nasty trollop who kisses really great, gives spectacular head, and throws some of the meanest penis. But in spite of that, he gon’ be somebody’s daddy.
Apparently it doesn’t change the freak in him cause he was trying to convince me to fuck for old time’s sake. I had to let him know it wasn’t gon’ happen. And then we walked back to my house and had ice cream cake and laughed til the wee hours of the morning.
Went to church the next day (my actual birthday), napped and flew back to the urrrea. Spent that evening on Skype with my future. I love his sexy ass. *cheese*
Truth be told though- sometimes he be getting on my nerves. I know the reasoning is gonna sound silly, but hey, I’m me and it is what it is.
Here’s the gripe I have with relationships. I love being in them until about the 6 month mark. Because that’s when the newloveydoveysupersweetfuzzy feelings wear off. For the men in my situations at least. Is it wrong for me to want that newloveydoveysupersweetfuzzy feeling to last forever? I think it bothers me so much because when I fall in love with someone, I always have that newloveydoveysupersweetfuzzy feeling. It never wears off for me. Unless a nigga just don’t have any actright.
*scratching head*
Then again, the longest halfway healthy relationship I’ve ever been in only lasted about 8 months or so.
Anyway, my man is acting like the love’s going old. Not calling and texting like he used to. I know he’s not misbehaving, I just feel like I’m putting more of my heart into it than he is. I know he loves me. I just want him to be crazy about me like he used to be. Like, I want him to always feel that way. Because of this we get into stupid arguments which often end with me apologizing to him because this ideology of mine, I admit, is halfway crazy. All I can do is pull myself back to even the score. Thing is, I don’t want to. I never want to hold myself back when it comes to loving my other half. I thought I had found someone who loved the same way I did, but now I’m not so sure. And this poses a problem, because we’re supposed to get married in December. I’m not so sure I can marry someone who isn’t as wrapped on in me as I am in them. I’ll have to go into deep prayer on this one.
*sigh*
When it aint one thing its another.
Later Gators.
Xomuah!monie__♥
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Such is life...
Hey Cupcakes!
Yup.. I'm still around. Glad to see some of ya'll are as well...and welcome back Miss Bella. I missed you.
Still here in DC trying to catch up on life and thangs. Already looking for my next apartment cause the rent here is higher than Richard Pryor in the late 70's!!s
Gonna move into a nice part of SE DC.
Wish me luck.
Wish me luck.
Speaking of work, basically, Monie don't do shit all day and gets paid handsomely for it. I wish I were able to do something, but my boss is a miserable micromanaging hellion. This ho talks more shit than a lil bit about everybody. She did me real dirty this week, and muffins, I tell you....If I didn't know my Jesus, and if I didn't have class in the daytime... I would have told this heifer about herself, her vagina, her mama, and her whole generation.
Anyway, so here I am. Master's in hand (the piece of shit degree finally came in the mail), doing nothing that has to do with marketing...doing nothing at all. I can't even get on blogger and type like I want to because my PC screen is like friggin 25 inches and everyone walks past my desk. But, Monie's no fool. I done found friends in some important places there and they're mentoring me for my next come up. Stay tuned.
I'm trying to make myself write more these days, but oddly enough... the more content I am, the more boring I become.
Go figure.
Muah! Love you muffins!
xo
Friday, July 2, 2010
H.O.M.E.L.E.S.S
H.O.M.E.L.E.S.S
Bet ya’ll didn’t know that word was an acronym.
Monie, say what?
Hell fuckin’ yeah.
Look it:
*Monie hurriedly scribbles the the following word vertically on her imaginary chalkboard and uses the chalk to point out each letter to your attention*
H is for Hustling
O is for Others'
M is for Money
E is for Eating (and drinking too) and
L is for Living free off of
E veryones
S hit and finally
S for So the fuck what, bitch?
*Chalk snaps in half from all the hard pointing. Monie throws what’s remaining in her hand somewhere over her shoulder and barely misses Dinka cat’s head*
Good-bye T.O.N.Y., Hello H.O.M.E.L.E.S.S.!
Solange aint the only bitch that can make an acronym out this mafucka!
H.O.M.E.L.E.S.S - Got it, everybody?
Now for today’s diatribe.
*Cue in T.O.N.Y instrumental*
I don’t like homeless people. That’s right, I said it. I don’t.
I feel like 99% of them are living foul-like—begging for money under false pretenses of being hungry and having no money for the bus. Meanwhile, they got more money than me because during the 8 hours I’ve been busting my ass for about $35 dollars an hour (that gets tax-raped down to like $17) you, oh Homeless Wonder, have been sucking dick tax free for crack and Popeye’s Chicken.
And if he (or she) is one of them new age Nomads like the ones that bless DC and NYC they fucks with nothing but Starbucks, Coca Cola, and Fiji water.
Monie, say what!?
Oh yes!! They are brand whores for real. I implore you to keep reading!
Well damn, bitch-- why are you so mad about it?
Really, it’s a combination of a whole lot of things, but I ain't got time for all that.
The main reason I’m so mad is because I KNOW for a fact (ok, maybe not a fact, but I have a strong ass feeling) that these ho’s are holding no less than $40 bucks after they done got through a day’s “work”.
Story time.
Yesterday, the 21st century nomad that posts up by my job asked me to spare some change. Now, I have watched old boy very closely since I’ve begun working at my job.
Every morning around 7:30 I see him sipping STARBUCKS coffee or Frappuccinos.
Every evening he’s across the street from Starbucks posted up in front of CVS panhandling for bus fare, snacks, and the cold drink of his choice. Make note that he only panhandles evenings.
What’s on his agenda in the mornings??
Mmmhmm.
Dick suckin’ and crack smokin’.
Swallow it, gargle it.
Sometimes I see this ho ass fucka on the bus. He rides it 3 whole stops and gets off. And! Wait for it….he wears an exceptionally clean pair of Jordans. Yes. JORDANS. I kid you not.
See, I’d respect ‘em more, and would probably even dip into my pocket *blankdamnstare* if these bastards told the truth or didn’t yell out demands to me.
So now that you have the background on this mafucka--- continue on.
Anywho, when he begged for my money I kindly told him that I debit everything and don’t carry cash. Which is true. Right now I exactly One Cent in my wallet, 2 void checks and $10 Jamaican dollars which is probably equivalent to…half a cent. Dead ass. After I said this to old boy, he yelled out something that left me fuckin’ flabbergasted.
Wooo chile, tell us what he said!
Sheeeiit…would I be me if I didn’t?
This muthafucka said,
“Well when you go inside bring me back out a Coca Cola!”
Say whaaaaa?!
*In my best Solange voice*
Homeless don’t beg no mo’/ They be makin’ requests oh noo
Yes, ladies! This fool didn’t even ask for something to drink, he demanded his choice of soda. Mind you, if I had, it would mean I’d have to walk in the opposite direction of where I’m going. He got a lot of nerve! I guess not having a home doesn’t stop a man from acting like a man, huh? *blank.damn.stare*
Just for kicks, I looked at the price of Coke and it was $1.79, which probably after tax brings it up to $2.00 and change. Part of me wanted to go back and elbow buss him in his dusty ass head. Because I can do a whole lot of shit with two dollars.
Let me break down the value of $2.00 in Monie’s world:
- That’s one day’s travel to and from work (or at least it was until Metro hiked fares yesterday—thanks ya bastards)
- A four piece chicken nuggets and fries at the Golden Arches—which Monie’s fat ass shouldn’t be eating, but still.
- One load of clothes washed (or dried) in the laundry room
- One can of frozen concentrated juice which I am forced to buy thanks to this severe case of broketivity I’m experiencing
- A box of Rice-a-roni. You know, The San Francisco Treat? Yeah, that shit
- A small Lucerne brand coffee creamer. I need this off brand shit for my coffee. So I can stay awake at work while I stay busy pretending to be busy
- Not just one, but two bags of sliced bread.
- 3 international text messages at.60 cents each.
.
Seriously, I could go on forever, but ya’ll get my point
“I coulda been alright by now if it wasn’t for H.O.M.E.L.E.S.S ”
*Monie blows bangs out of her eyes*
Later ya’ll. I know u loved these pics--- especially Khaki dearest :)
Bet ya’ll didn’t know that word was an acronym.
Monie, say what?
Hell fuckin’ yeah.
Look it:
*Monie hurriedly scribbles the the following word vertically on her imaginary chalkboard and uses the chalk to point out each letter to your attention*
H is for Hustling
O is for Others'
M is for Money
E is for Eating (and drinking too) and
L is for Living free off of
E veryones
S hit and finally
S for So the fuck what, bitch?
*Chalk snaps in half from all the hard pointing. Monie throws what’s remaining in her hand somewhere over her shoulder and barely misses Dinka cat’s head*
Good-bye T.O.N.Y., Hello H.O.M.E.L.E.S.S.!
Solange aint the only bitch that can make an acronym out this mafucka!
H.O.M.E.L.E.S.S - Got it, everybody?
Now for today’s diatribe.
*Cue in T.O.N.Y instrumental*
I don’t like homeless people. That’s right, I said it. I don’t.
I feel like 99% of them are living foul-like—begging for money under false pretenses of being hungry and having no money for the bus. Meanwhile, they got more money than me because during the 8 hours I’ve been busting my ass for about $35 dollars an hour (that gets tax-raped down to like $17) you, oh Homeless Wonder, have been sucking dick tax free for crack and Popeye’s Chicken.
(Click on these pics to enlarge-- they're a must see)
And if he (or she) is one of them new age Nomads like the ones that bless DC and NYC they fucks with nothing but Starbucks, Coca Cola, and Fiji water.
Monie, say what!?
Oh yes!! They are brand whores for real. I implore you to keep reading!
Well damn, bitch-- why are you so mad about it?
Really, it’s a combination of a whole lot of things, but I ain't got time for all that.
The main reason I’m so mad is because I KNOW for a fact (ok, maybe not a fact, but I have a strong ass feeling) that these ho’s are holding no less than $40 bucks after they done got through a day’s “work”.
Story time.
Yesterday, the 21st century nomad that posts up by my job asked me to spare some change. Now, I have watched old boy very closely since I’ve begun working at my job.
Every morning around 7:30 I see him sipping STARBUCKS coffee or Frappuccinos.
Every evening he’s across the street from Starbucks posted up in front of CVS panhandling for bus fare, snacks, and the cold drink of his choice. Make note that he only panhandles evenings.
What’s on his agenda in the mornings??
Mmmhmm.
Dick suckin’ and crack smokin’.
Swallow it, gargle it.
Sometimes I see this ho ass fucka on the bus. He rides it 3 whole stops and gets off. And! Wait for it….he wears an exceptionally clean pair of Jordans. Yes. JORDANS. I kid you not.
See, I’d respect ‘em more, and would probably even dip into my pocket *blankdamnstare* if these bastards told the truth or didn’t yell out demands to me.
So now that you have the background on this mafucka--- continue on.
Anywho, when he begged for my money I kindly told him that I debit everything and don’t carry cash. Which is true. Right now I exactly One Cent in my wallet, 2 void checks and $10 Jamaican dollars which is probably equivalent to…half a cent. Dead ass. After I said this to old boy, he yelled out something that left me fuckin’ flabbergasted.
Wooo chile, tell us what he said!
Sheeeiit…would I be me if I didn’t?
This muthafucka said,
“Well when you go inside bring me back out a Coca Cola!”
Say whaaaaa?!
*In my best Solange voice*
Homeless don’t beg no mo’/ They be makin’ requests oh noo
Yes, ladies! This fool didn’t even ask for something to drink, he demanded his choice of soda. Mind you, if I had, it would mean I’d have to walk in the opposite direction of where I’m going. He got a lot of nerve! I guess not having a home doesn’t stop a man from acting like a man, huh? *blank.damn.stare*
Just for kicks, I looked at the price of Coke and it was $1.79, which probably after tax brings it up to $2.00 and change. Part of me wanted to go back and elbow buss him in his dusty ass head. Because I can do a whole lot of shit with two dollars.
Let me break down the value of $2.00 in Monie’s world:
- That’s one day’s travel to and from work (or at least it was until Metro hiked fares yesterday—thanks ya bastards)
- A four piece chicken nuggets and fries at the Golden Arches—which Monie’s fat ass shouldn’t be eating, but still.
- One load of clothes washed (or dried) in the laundry room
- One can of frozen concentrated juice which I am forced to buy thanks to this severe case of broketivity I’m experiencing
- A box of Rice-a-roni. You know, The San Francisco Treat? Yeah, that shit
- A small Lucerne brand coffee creamer. I need this off brand shit for my coffee. So I can stay awake at work while I stay busy pretending to be busy
- Not just one, but two bags of sliced bread.
- 3 international text messages at.60 cents each.
.
Seriously, I could go on forever, but ya’ll get my point
“I coulda been alright by now if it wasn’t for H.O.M.E.L.E.S.S ”
*Monie blows bangs out of her eyes*
Later ya’ll. I know u loved these pics--- especially Khaki dearest :)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Why I Declare! I Regret You, but I Don't Regret the Orgasms and Other Cynacisms
So as I sat flipping through the man-o-log of my life, having silent conversation with myself (as i usually do); i thought about the men I've smashed, and realized that I regret all of them.
*Monie lights Marlboro Light, puffs, and exhales*
(I have switched brands...I've also quit, but in my mind, I'll always be a smoker--hehe)
So yeah, every last one. Except for the orgasms.
The orgasms were quite magical and I 'preciates 'em, as it can be quite hard for a female to achieve one, much less several as I have been lucky enough to gain.
I have given up on finding "that perfect love" that I so wanted earlier this year. Fuck love. I'd take a cheeseburger (preferably flame broiled) and some good cock over love any day.
I will settle dammit. I will settle for good, consistent dick, that is. Because these
"relationships" are nothing but a headache. Sex cures a headache, by the way. It's scientifically proven! Go'n and click dis here.
Should I ever settle down, I want a husband who is always away on travel. Except for the weekend. Weekends were made not only for Michelob,
but for hours of hardcore frolickin'.
I mean, I could always hold out for a good man, but by that time, I may be old, he more than likely will be ugly, and to be quite frank...a bitch aint got time for that.
And that is all for today.
xoxom0nie
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Lights, Camera, Action... Blackberry Porn
Blog Muffins! How art thou?
So...when last I wrote, I was contemplating on whether I should become a Blackberry porn star. Well... lights, camera, action, move aside Miss Jackson, dammit, there's a new starlett in town. *Cacklin*
We shot a lil scene Friday evening. I thought I'd be shy, but oddly enough, I'm not.
Maybe I'm just that comfortable with #4? It could have to do with the fact that I know he's not tech savvy and there's no way he could take it from my phone and put it on to his, or worse, upload it to gatdamn Youtube.
*cue in scary movie music*
But yeah, I'm quite comfortable being filmed. It may have to do with the fact that I think I'm cute and know my skills *shrug*
Few things I noticed were:
- I really am that damn good. Not to toot my own horn or anything *beep beep* but my performance was flawless. Like, some of these porn hos could learn a thang or two from the old gal Simone.
- I see why porn stars rock weaves. *sigh*
I was all set, yall! I had my hair all did up, put the front part up in a lil Chrisette Michele type pompadour,
but unfortantely #4 cant control his fuckin hands, and messed my shit up. Had the sides of my hair looking like Lovelace from mafuckin Happy Feet.
Not. cute. at. all.
-That Blackberry video camera light is brighter than African sunshine on an Albino's backside.
Like, I word up wanted to hit pause, throw on some Ray Charles type shades, some mafuckin sunblock and then continue handlin' my bidness.
Wtf? Damn, somebody couldn't warn a bitch?!
- Must find a way to get my nails done, or at least make sure my nails are painted at all times. I knew I had man hands, but gaaahdamn! Not attractive!!
- My eyes really are big. Now, this is a fact I've always been aware of, so for this reason I made sure to keep my eyes down for most of the mini flick. But even when they're closed...they're huge! Maybe next time I'll put some eyeshadow on 'em. Play it up a bit.
- Poor #4... got some nappy ass pubic hairs. Like, they need a cholesterol treatment, a hot oil treatment...or something.
They are in fact so nappy, that i was handling down there the other day and thought he had a bump or something. Of course I started freaking out, and he unraveled the pube like it was nothing. *blank muthafuckin stare*
I mean damn, they always felt nappy, but seeing them higlighted by Blackberry's lovely flash... makes them appear even worse. I can't...
So with that said, this lil broadcast needs a do-over. I shall try again this evening. Or something. I mean, I got free time on my hands and shit. *shrug* :D
In other events, I'm still here chillin. Me and #4 still fighting like cats and dogs. He ride my fuckin nerves I tell you. I like him best at night when he thinks I'm asleep. for one, he aint talking shit, and two, he hugs me and kisses my forehead and whispers sweet stuff. But when we're both up and alert... heaven help me talk to strangers!! I can't take him. He still makes me laugh, and he's still adorable though. What can I say? I'm a sucker.
That's all for now, folks.
Later gators!!
monie00x0x
So...when last I wrote, I was contemplating on whether I should become a Blackberry porn star. Well... lights, camera, action, move aside Miss Jackson, dammit, there's a new starlett in town. *Cacklin*
We shot a lil scene Friday evening. I thought I'd be shy, but oddly enough, I'm not.
Maybe I'm just that comfortable with #4? It could have to do with the fact that I know he's not tech savvy and there's no way he could take it from my phone and put it on to his, or worse, upload it to gatdamn Youtube.
*cue in scary movie music*
But yeah, I'm quite comfortable being filmed. It may have to do with the fact that I think I'm cute and know my skills *shrug*
Few things I noticed were:
- I really am that damn good. Not to toot my own horn or anything *beep beep* but my performance was flawless. Like, some of these porn hos could learn a thang or two from the old gal Simone.
- I see why porn stars rock weaves. *sigh*
I was all set, yall! I had my hair all did up, put the front part up in a lil Chrisette Michele type pompadour,
but unfortantely #4 cant control his fuckin hands, and messed my shit up. Had the sides of my hair looking like Lovelace from mafuckin Happy Feet.
Not. cute. at. all.
-That Blackberry video camera light is brighter than African sunshine on an Albino's backside.
Like, I word up wanted to hit pause, throw on some Ray Charles type shades, some mafuckin sunblock and then continue handlin' my bidness.
Wtf? Damn, somebody couldn't warn a bitch?!
- Must find a way to get my nails done, or at least make sure my nails are painted at all times. I knew I had man hands, but gaaahdamn! Not attractive!!
- My eyes really are big. Now, this is a fact I've always been aware of, so for this reason I made sure to keep my eyes down for most of the mini flick. But even when they're closed...they're huge! Maybe next time I'll put some eyeshadow on 'em. Play it up a bit.
- Poor #4... got some nappy ass pubic hairs. Like, they need a cholesterol treatment, a hot oil treatment...or something.
They are in fact so nappy, that i was handling down there the other day and thought he had a bump or something. Of course I started freaking out, and he unraveled the pube like it was nothing. *blank muthafuckin stare*
I mean damn, they always felt nappy, but seeing them higlighted by Blackberry's lovely flash... makes them appear even worse. I can't...
So with that said, this lil broadcast needs a do-over. I shall try again this evening. Or something. I mean, I got free time on my hands and shit. *shrug* :D
In other events, I'm still here chillin. Me and #4 still fighting like cats and dogs. He ride my fuckin nerves I tell you. I like him best at night when he thinks I'm asleep. for one, he aint talking shit, and two, he hugs me and kisses my forehead and whispers sweet stuff. But when we're both up and alert... heaven help me talk to strangers!! I can't take him. He still makes me laugh, and he's still adorable though. What can I say? I'm a sucker.
That's all for now, folks.
Later gators!!
monie00x0x
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Livin' the Dry Life
Bloggymuffins! How art thou?!
First, I'd like to thank all of you who have been following, both new and old, leaving comments and all of that. I read each and every one, but I'm barely able to respond these days. After I finish a day's work on the computer I can't even bear to look at Blogger or any other site. Ok, I lie. I lay in bed and facebook it up. It's pretty much the only contact I have w/my old friends back in MD and other parts of NY. Good news though. My Blackberry Tour comes today, so I'll be on here more. Yay!
But yeah, it means a lot to me to know that ya'll get a tickle and a tee-hee out of my wierd-ness. Also, I'm going to see if I can archive my entries as someone asked. Thx for all your comments girlie! :)
On the personal side:
DRIER THAN GUCCI MANE'S LIPS ON A COLD, ALASKAN DAY.
Brrrr!
I wish this mafucka would find a cocobutter cure, or something.
Yea.. not much going on over here. Now that K is trying to launch her business into a full service salon, we don't get into too much fuckery these days. Plus, now that I don't drink I find myself questioning the types of live fuckery before my eyes in the clubhouse.
Like-- I went on Sunday with my sister and her friend to this joint in Brooklyn:
*breathing in, i am breathing in...*
Now, I hadn't been to Caribbean City in like, over 5 years. All's I knew was that Bobby Konders & Jabba still played there on a Sunday. Bobby & Jabba usually do their thing so I reasoned with myself that although this was not Manhattan, and many of the mafuckas up in there were bound to be sub par... I'mma go head and go. Just for the sake of my sister; since she hasn't been out much since she had the baby.
We leave out after midnight and I arrive at Caribbean City around 2. The line is short, which is good, as it was colder than a prostitute's titty in the winter time.
The security search is borderline molestation, and something comparable to airport search. Yes. The make you put your purse in a basket; they go through it thoroughly and then hand it back for you to put everything back in order.
So...I'm getting ready to make my way inside when the coat check nigga demands I take off my cute little faux-leather jacket.
Nawwww, nigga, fuck you.
I ain't putting my batwings on display for nobody!
So yeah, I told him I didn't think so, made a motion of hands over my body and told him it was part of my outfit. He backed off and let me go inside...
and inside looked like...like.... Shanquantifon's basement bash.
Wtf. I had heard there were renovations in there, and it looked 10x shittier than it did before.
Disastrous, ya'll hear me??!! And the people in there knew nothing about clothes and matching them for the seasons.
- I saw hos in flip flops
- Hos in sling back sandals
- One bitch had on her Club Socks... you know, the chicks that are like "I have these corns and know I have no damn bid'ness wearing these pumps, so I'mma just take 'em off, hold 'em in my hand, and lounge in my barely there dress and some ankle socks"
- One bitch had on some lumberjack arm warmers and knee high houndstooth socks.
and the #1 sin for the night: big woman, like atleast a size 24 wearing a halter top and skirt, NO BRA, tittyballs just'a hanging down low like whoa. TWO DIFFERENT COLOR(blonde and black) AND DIFFERENT TEXTURE WEAVE... and dudes were putting it on her like she was hotness.
*breathing out, i am breathing out...*
I have sworn off clubs (again). I would love to have like, weekly game nights, but some of the folks I know here in NY-- I wonder if they really even know how to read. I damn near need the Rosetta Stone just to decipher their text messages/fb statuses.
Seriously. I went to school with some real Leap Frog Learn To Read type bitches.
For instance, I saw the following status update from a high school chum:
hey fb, i'm so board the hubby wen t to play basketball and the little one is gone for the hole week my aunt wanted to spend some time wit her but i miss her already smh...
No, no, bitch, I am shaking my head.
Yeah... I'm supposed to play Scrabble and Tabu, etc, with folks like that?? I don't think so. I have a better chance playing a game of Spades with my 2 year old nephew, my cat Dinka and my imaginary baby chicken, Byron. I think not.
What else, what else...
Oh yeah. Sex life is sketchy too.
D/m is actually pretty busy and I understand why now. Like I said, I have been trying my best to have actual conversations with him. He's working on getting a degree in Occupational Therapy, not a Masters in Finance like I thought. So he's got to study like crazy. He started explaining to me what he was actually studying for, but that damn logorrhea problem he has became so overwhelming I just asked to see one of his textbooks.
I was impressed. He basically has to learn a whole bunch of doctor-type stuff without having a background in science, so he's got to work double hard.
So between both of us working on bettering ourselves education-wise... there's not much time for relations the way we like to have relations. The last time I got the business from him, we went in for two rounds and I didn't get in until after 4 am. The next day I received all types of hate texts from him complaining about being tired at work. I figure we were even since I had to get up and perform Dr. Miracle type wonders on my hair to head into Manhattan.
*shrug*
So yeah, as you guys can see...life's good, cause I'm alive..but it is, as my Cali folks would say, "hella" boring.
And that's all... Lator Gators!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Suck a Dick, Swallow a Kidney Stone-- more Groupie tales courtesy of Backstagepazz.com
Hi my Blog Babies! Again, sorry for being so hit and miss with you guys. Coursework-- the life of a grad student; you see how it goes. No time for anything besides homework and the random sexual encounter.
*shrug*
:)
So, today lets talk about the following fuckery:
Jasun Wiggins
Do ya'll know who he is?
*silence*
Yeah... I don't either.
Anywho... apparently, his achievements include wrapping his dick in the American flag and skeeting off kidney stones in the mouths of random hos.
What in the oral disrespect?? I can't..
Read on.
* Mo lights a bidi, and inhales*
Let's play red light-green light, stop n go. After all, we haven't played in a while, we're overdue.
Green
i was in my 20s when i was deep into the online chat---blackplanet (which is how we met), migente, etc thing. i am not here to dog him out but i do agree that if you have been with this guy then to go and get tested.
Red
Don't nothing good come off that Blackplanet now, does it? Shanananana.
After I read about how careless people are with their bodies I wanna get tested...every bumboclaat day. I'm just sayin... continue
GO
he seemed to be impressed that i wasn't some chickenhead from around the way that was completely naive.
Stop
Chile please!
*Monie's imaginary baby chicken, Byron, enters and starts clucking at his long lost relative*
Alright now, Byron, that's enough excitement. Shut it down.
*Byron quiets himself and goes off in search of some seeds*
Carry on..
Go
his people had cooked dinner and i was invited to get a plate. i noticed that jasun was checking me out as my back was turned to him and obviously liked what he saw. we talked some more and as his people stopped coming in as much we had a quicky. i went down on him and quickly learned that he lived up to his page name. if you really don't think that he's big then your stuff must be stretched out like a limo because he is THICK and has a nice size on him and there is no way i would let all that go in my a$$.
Red
One minute, we're on a food line, the next you're getting plowed out, head bowed down. Oh really now? Smh...
Green
we snuck upstairs to someone's messy room and he bent me over real quick to finish what he had started. i heard people close by so we had to make it real quick but it was a good enough for a quicky. i felt like i was in high school lol. i left after that.
Stop
Uh uh. UH UH. Don't you do that. Ladies, don't let no nigga "bend you over real quick". You and your vagine deserve more. Remember that. Also, who can have sex in a messy room? I wouldn't be able to concentrate. You know, the whole Zen factor and all that. I'm just saying..
Go!
the second time i came across him was through an email one of my coworkers sent me. it was his pic where's he wrapped up below with the american flag.
Stop
LMMFAO @ this Dick-in-a-flag ass nigga. I can't...
Go
everyone in the office was trippin' off him and i was like damn i know him. i told my girl in private that i had been with him and she was like "WHAT!!" i knew that he comes here around the holidays so i hit him up on bp again and asked if he remembered me. this time we met at one of those travellodge places. this time i my "aunt flo" was in town so i wasn't there long. i did go down on him again and remember something that felt like a small stone come out when he came. by then i was through with his cocky a$$. i don't know what the hell that was but it scared me and thank God every test afterward came out negative. i do however think he might be down low though. he didn't act sweet or anything. maybe i'm just paranoid because he seems to f*&^ any and EVERYONE. i heard they have a lot of bath houses in atl and he seems like the type. he still looks good but he's starting to look harder instead of finer. i wish i had hooked up with his boy instead of him lolol. those were the days back when i was young and wild!
*Monie gathers Dinka, Byron, and her imaginary pet donkey and hums "Sweet Hour of Prayer"*
I can't...
1. Is she serious? She has the nerve to say she's "paranoid because he seems to f/ck everyone". Bitch please. You were just as quick to f/ck him. Furthermore, this nigga was nasty enough to put his dick in a flag, you saw this hot shit...and you basically sign up to just give him a professional, knowing you can't even get anything in return??
Bam-bam-di-dam-bam-bam-di-da-da-disturbia.
No more gas in the red, can't even get it started!!!!
2. You're swallowing the "babybatter" of someone you don't even know like that???
*vomit in throat*
And you have the nerve to get mad cause he skeeted (what sounds to be) his damn kidney stone in your mouth???
You can read this travesty in its entirety on backstagepazz.com. I can't...
*shrug*
:)
So, today lets talk about the following fuckery:
Jasun Wiggins
Do ya'll know who he is?
*silence*
Yeah... I don't either.
Anywho... apparently, his achievements include wrapping his dick in the American flag and skeeting off kidney stones in the mouths of random hos.
What in the oral disrespect?? I can't..
Read on.
* Mo lights a bidi, and inhales*
Let's play red light-green light, stop n go. After all, we haven't played in a while, we're overdue.
Green
i was in my 20s when i was deep into the online chat---blackplanet (which is how we met), migente, etc thing. i am not here to dog him out but i do agree that if you have been with this guy then to go and get tested.
Red
Don't nothing good come off that Blackplanet now, does it? Shanananana.
After I read about how careless people are with their bodies I wanna get tested...every bumboclaat day. I'm just sayin... continue
GO
he seemed to be impressed that i wasn't some chickenhead from around the way that was completely naive.
Stop
Chile please!
*Monie's imaginary baby chicken, Byron, enters and starts clucking at his long lost relative*
Alright now, Byron, that's enough excitement. Shut it down.
*Byron quiets himself and goes off in search of some seeds*
Carry on..
Go
his people had cooked dinner and i was invited to get a plate. i noticed that jasun was checking me out as my back was turned to him and obviously liked what he saw. we talked some more and as his people stopped coming in as much we had a quicky. i went down on him and quickly learned that he lived up to his page name. if you really don't think that he's big then your stuff must be stretched out like a limo because he is THICK and has a nice size on him and there is no way i would let all that go in my a$$.
Red
One minute, we're on a food line, the next you're getting plowed out, head bowed down. Oh really now? Smh...
Green
we snuck upstairs to someone's messy room and he bent me over real quick to finish what he had started. i heard people close by so we had to make it real quick but it was a good enough for a quicky. i felt like i was in high school lol. i left after that.
Stop
Uh uh. UH UH. Don't you do that. Ladies, don't let no nigga "bend you over real quick". You and your vagine deserve more. Remember that. Also, who can have sex in a messy room? I wouldn't be able to concentrate. You know, the whole Zen factor and all that. I'm just saying..
Go!
the second time i came across him was through an email one of my coworkers sent me. it was his pic where's he wrapped up below with the american flag.
Stop
LMMFAO @ this Dick-in-a-flag ass nigga. I can't...
Go
everyone in the office was trippin' off him and i was like damn i know him. i told my girl in private that i had been with him and she was like "WHAT!!" i knew that he comes here around the holidays so i hit him up on bp again and asked if he remembered me. this time we met at one of those travellodge places. this time i my "aunt flo" was in town so i wasn't there long. i did go down on him again and remember something that felt like a small stone come out when he came. by then i was through with his cocky a$$. i don't know what the hell that was but it scared me and thank God every test afterward came out negative. i do however think he might be down low though. he didn't act sweet or anything. maybe i'm just paranoid because he seems to f*&^ any and EVERYONE. i heard they have a lot of bath houses in atl and he seems like the type. he still looks good but he's starting to look harder instead of finer. i wish i had hooked up with his boy instead of him lolol. those were the days back when i was young and wild!
*Monie gathers Dinka, Byron, and her imaginary pet donkey and hums "Sweet Hour of Prayer"*
I can't...
1. Is she serious? She has the nerve to say she's "paranoid because he seems to f/ck everyone". Bitch please. You were just as quick to f/ck him. Furthermore, this nigga was nasty enough to put his dick in a flag, you saw this hot shit...and you basically sign up to just give him a professional, knowing you can't even get anything in return??
Bam-bam-di-dam-bam-bam-di-da-da-disturbia.
No more gas in the red, can't even get it started!!!!
2. You're swallowing the "babybatter" of someone you don't even know like that???
*vomit in throat*
And you have the nerve to get mad cause he skeeted (what sounds to be) his damn kidney stone in your mouth???
You can read this travesty in its entirety on backstagepazz.com. I can't...
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
i be on my bullshit...ps-keep yo cum to yo'self!
so last night i went and "hung out" with D/m. Naw, lets keep it one hunn'ed-- I fucked D/m. Why? Well, the jury's still out on that one.
*Monie sigh and rubs her temples*
i can already tell you that this is going to be insanity.
so dm texts me, telling me he's watching the game but that he'd rather be doing something else. i already know what he's talking about, but to humor myself i ask him what would he rather be doing.
if you guessed "fuckin"; ding ding ding.
no prizes will be given today though...sowwy.
so, since i wasn't doing anything but watching Mahogany for the millionth time, and he didn't really care about watching the game, we decided to get it in.
he comes to get me, late as usual. so instead of me doing my "just-bang-it-out -right-now" tactic, i decided to sit on the couch and have actual conversation with him.
*Monie sips her drink and lets out a mean belch*
i understand that i get annoyed easily, but dm has a way of bringing it out of me.
whenever i make a statement about something he always has to ask me the following dumb fuckery question:
How you figure?
Nigga, what??!
I'm sorry, I don't have a mathematical equation to give you the answer as to why I feel the way I do about certain shit. I got fed up and let him know not to ask me that question ever again because it's beyond stupid.
Arghh!
After conversation about my vacation, why I don't take pics, reasons why he should give me one of his 4 cameras, and making plans to have fondue next week, we got down to the gettings down.
I can't say it was bad, but I must admit, I couldn't enjoy myself for the following reasons:
*shrug*
After like an hour and change I was just hoping he would come already. I just wanted to be done with it. So I hit him with the "grip-grip-squeeze" and then...
this nigga attempted to violate.
As he's getting ready to come, I realize that he's pulling out and getting ready to take off the condom to deliver cum shots on yours truly.
*insert my most intense 'nigga please' look right'chea*
So I rolled over to the edge of the bed as fast as I could. I mean, I was so quick with it I'm surprised I didn't drop on the floor. And this muthafucka comes all over the bed. He really should practice his aim. But who am I to judge?? It might be hard having a penis, I really couldn't tell ya.
Now, a little tidbit about me-- I ain't a fan of cum.
I will go ahead and say I hate cum. It goes on my list of nasty liquids along with mayonnaise, blood, and boogysnots.
The consistency, and the fact that it can get you pregnant...GET THAT SHIT OUTTA HERE AND AWAY FROM ME!
I won't lie, I've had my small share of dealing with the cum. However, I have to have a place in my heart for a dude in order to tolerate his babybatter and even then, it rarely comes without scorn.
But back to what had happened...
Yeah, so DM skeets all over the bed. Now even though it aint my bed, I'm pissed off because I wanted to take a nap! My head was hurting a bit, and I just wanted to relax dammit!!
Me: Euw. Go get a blanket or something to cover that up. I'm not laying down in your babybatter.
D/m feels around on the bed, shocked ( i assume): damn, how the hell did it get all the way over there? i can't believe you just rolled over like that. i thought you were getting in a different position and i got excited. next thing i knew, you were basically just out
Me: Yeah, you keep that baby batter to yourself.
So D/m goes and gets blankets and puts them down so we can have a quick lie-down. I have a fatass moment and start talking about I want chicken nuggets
and he says he could go for some as well. I tell him we should go in the next 15 minutes. It was 1:00 then. Next thing I know we both drift off to sleep and it's 3 am. I wake him up and he's freaking out because he's gotta get up for 6:30 am for work. We get dressed, he takes me home and I fuck up some Lean Cuisine instead.
(You can't always get what you want in life, huh?)
I still feel a bit bad because of #4, but I keep reminding myself that he's out doing his own thing also. Even though he didn't use that condom...he probably used another one (lol)...and there was one night I forgot to tell ya'll about:
My cousin was over and we come back to the room and he's all showered and dressed talking about he was going out without us. So I told him since he wanted to go out, and not take us, she and I were going out too. He started acting all nervous, talking about he wanted us to stay in, and wasn't I trying to save money; basically anything he thought would make me stay home. So then he changes his mind and says he's not going to go out, that we should all stay in. I didn't really feel like going anywhere anyway, but I was determined to catch him in some shit because earlier that day some chick had called his phone and he lied about who she was and then came up with some bullshit ass story. Negril on a week night doesn't have many places to go, so I knew if I went looking for him I'd find him in either 2 places.
So yeah, #4 does his dirt, and I do mine. I'm glad I reminded myself... now I don't feel guilty anymore :D
Other than that, school got me going, ya'll. I've been busy with work and trying to get all my papers done early.
Besos muffins!
xoxom0nie!
*Monie sigh and rubs her temples*
i can already tell you that this is going to be insanity.
so dm texts me, telling me he's watching the game but that he'd rather be doing something else. i already know what he's talking about, but to humor myself i ask him what would he rather be doing.
if you guessed "fuckin"; ding ding ding.
no prizes will be given today though...sowwy.
so, since i wasn't doing anything but watching Mahogany for the millionth time, and he didn't really care about watching the game, we decided to get it in.
he comes to get me, late as usual. so instead of me doing my "just-bang-it-out -right-now" tactic, i decided to sit on the couch and have actual conversation with him.
*Monie sips her drink and lets out a mean belch*
i understand that i get annoyed easily, but dm has a way of bringing it out of me.
whenever i make a statement about something he always has to ask me the following dumb fuckery question:
How you figure?
Nigga, what??!
I'm sorry, I don't have a mathematical equation to give you the answer as to why I feel the way I do about certain shit. I got fed up and let him know not to ask me that question ever again because it's beyond stupid.
Arghh!
After conversation about my vacation, why I don't take pics, reasons why he should give me one of his 4 cameras, and making plans to have fondue next week, we got down to the gettings down.
I can't say it was bad, but I must admit, I couldn't enjoy myself for the following reasons:
- I felt consumed by guilt, like I was cheating on #4 or something
- I kept thinking about #4, and how his hip action is just something probably no other dude I done had can fuck with
- and, this nigga ain't give me no head! But I don't really care... he aint get none from me neither
*shrug*
After like an hour and change I was just hoping he would come already. I just wanted to be done with it. So I hit him with the "grip-grip-squeeze" and then...
this nigga attempted to violate.
As he's getting ready to come, I realize that he's pulling out and getting ready to take off the condom to deliver cum shots on yours truly.
*insert my most intense 'nigga please' look right'chea*
So I rolled over to the edge of the bed as fast as I could. I mean, I was so quick with it I'm surprised I didn't drop on the floor. And this muthafucka comes all over the bed. He really should practice his aim. But who am I to judge?? It might be hard having a penis, I really couldn't tell ya.
Now, a little tidbit about me-- I ain't a fan of cum.
I will go ahead and say I hate cum. It goes on my list of nasty liquids along with mayonnaise, blood, and boogysnots.
The consistency, and the fact that it can get you pregnant...GET THAT SHIT OUTTA HERE AND AWAY FROM ME!
I won't lie, I've had my small share of dealing with the cum. However, I have to have a place in my heart for a dude in order to tolerate his babybatter and even then, it rarely comes without scorn.
But back to what had happened...
Yeah, so DM skeets all over the bed. Now even though it aint my bed, I'm pissed off because I wanted to take a nap! My head was hurting a bit, and I just wanted to relax dammit!!
Me: Euw. Go get a blanket or something to cover that up. I'm not laying down in your babybatter.
D/m feels around on the bed, shocked ( i assume): damn, how the hell did it get all the way over there? i can't believe you just rolled over like that. i thought you were getting in a different position and i got excited. next thing i knew, you were basically just out
Me: Yeah, you keep that baby batter to yourself.
So D/m goes and gets blankets and puts them down so we can have a quick lie-down. I have a fatass moment and start talking about I want chicken nuggets
and he says he could go for some as well. I tell him we should go in the next 15 minutes. It was 1:00 then. Next thing I know we both drift off to sleep and it's 3 am. I wake him up and he's freaking out because he's gotta get up for 6:30 am for work. We get dressed, he takes me home and I fuck up some Lean Cuisine instead.
(You can't always get what you want in life, huh?)
I still feel a bit bad because of #4, but I keep reminding myself that he's out doing his own thing also. Even though he didn't use that condom...he probably used another one (lol)...and there was one night I forgot to tell ya'll about:
My cousin was over and we come back to the room and he's all showered and dressed talking about he was going out without us. So I told him since he wanted to go out, and not take us, she and I were going out too. He started acting all nervous, talking about he wanted us to stay in, and wasn't I trying to save money; basically anything he thought would make me stay home. So then he changes his mind and says he's not going to go out, that we should all stay in. I didn't really feel like going anywhere anyway, but I was determined to catch him in some shit because earlier that day some chick had called his phone and he lied about who she was and then came up with some bullshit ass story. Negril on a week night doesn't have many places to go, so I knew if I went looking for him I'd find him in either 2 places.
So yeah, #4 does his dirt, and I do mine. I'm glad I reminded myself... now I don't feel guilty anymore :D
Other than that, school got me going, ya'll. I've been busy with work and trying to get all my papers done early.
Besos muffins!
xoxom0nie!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Real Quick...
I know I'm not the only one who sees a resemblance:
I just wanna be successful. Lmao.
So there's a movie based on LeBron James' high school career coming to the theaters..
uh.. why isn't this shit going straight to Cinemax?? Lionsgate...ya'll fuckin' up.
How did I ever forget to share this hilarious tidbit with ya'll?
So one afternoon me and #4 is getting it poppin and I decide to bless him with my head game ridiculous. While I'm down there I notice that it tastes a bit sweet. So I say to #4:
Me: You don't taste half bad. You're on the sweet side.
#4 looks nervous: You know, diabetes runs in my family. I wonder if it means I'm diabetic.
*moment of silence*
I was so stunned by the stupidity that I couldn't even laugh.
Yup... definitely a sign I need to bring things to an end
Anywho...
I know I'm not the only one who sees the resemblance:
Uhuh, go'n and admit it. Anyway, the school work awaits.
Lator Babies!
xoxomonie!
I just wanna be successful. Lmao.
So there's a movie based on LeBron James' high school career coming to the theaters..
uh.. why isn't this shit going straight to Cinemax?? Lionsgate...ya'll fuckin' up.
How did I ever forget to share this hilarious tidbit with ya'll?
So one afternoon me and #4 is getting it poppin and I decide to bless him with my head game ridiculous. While I'm down there I notice that it tastes a bit sweet. So I say to #4:
Me: You don't taste half bad. You're on the sweet side.
#4 looks nervous: You know, diabetes runs in my family. I wonder if it means I'm diabetic.
*moment of silence*
I was so stunned by the stupidity that I couldn't even laugh.
Yup... definitely a sign I need to bring things to an end
Anywho...
I know I'm not the only one who sees the resemblance:
Uhuh, go'n and admit it. Anyway, the school work awaits.
Lator Babies!
xoxomonie!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Summer's Eve Is For Your Vagina...and Other Realizations
things that this vacay has taught me about myself thus far:
i ain't meant for relationships/roomates. i know i always hem and haw about wanting one... but i'm selfish about certain shit. for one:
- i don't like anyone smoking up my cigarettes, leaving my ciggy case with like 3 ciggs in there.
sure, share the cancer and all that, but dammit, if you're not chipping in, go find your own, per Napoleon Dynamite.
It never fails! Every time I put my cigarette case down, #4 swipes more than half. What the fuck? Have some consideration!
and for two:
-don't use my Summer's Eve thinking its Body Wash. It's not. That shit is strictly for my vagina hole.
Lemme explain. I have a process for washing my vag.
Go'n and click that there. If you wash like this I PROMISE you, you're coochie will never smell off. You could be out all day and it will smell perfect. Unless you got some kinda infection, and in that case, I can't help you there. Planned Parenthood is where you should take your stankin coochie.
Anywho, Summer's Eve usually lasts me like 2 months.
I'm in the shower this morning, done washed the outer part of my coochie, and reach for the Summer's Eve and it feels awfully light. So I'm cracking up laughing and partially pissed because this could only mean #4 been bathing with my Summer's Eve.
Today we went to the Supermarket and I bought some more because I can't live without it. And of course they ain't got the Berry Bliss one for sensitive skin.
To top all this madness off they keep things like this behind a counter with a clerk so I have to ask if they sell Summer's Eve. Wtf????? But I had to buy it cause my vagina's PH would probably go haywire without it.
When we come back to the suite and we're unpacking groceries, I go to the bathroom to get my almost-empty bottle of Summer's Eve Berry wash.
Cause it's obvious I gots to school this nigga.
Clearly the Summer's Eve commercials don't come on in the JA cause he would have known.
*Monie holds up the bottle of Summer's Eve*
Have you been bathing with this?
*#4 looks at me like I'm stupid*
Yeah.
Me: It's for your vagina
*insert hysterical laughter*
#4...he's an adamant mafucka...
#4: No it's not! The one you bought is not the same. It doesn't say that on the bottle.
Me (still laughing): it's the same. this one is for normal skin. but summer's eve is for vagina. use the Avon body wash please. Thanks.
Other shit I realize:
-I hate food shopping with men. They always wanna buy the entire store and cook like they're cooking for 7-10 people and not 2.
- What is the point in being bunned up if dude aint gonna tell you how fly you look whenever you go out?
- Even though I have Jamaican background there's clearly some shit that doesn't transfer over the culture barriers.
Story time!
The other day I get a call in the room and its the chef here asking for #4. So I tell him he's at work. So while I got him on the phone I ask him if he has a trash bag and he says yeah, come for it. When I get there he starts talking about #4 saying that's his friend and whatever.
So somehow we got on the topic of cooking and I was telling him that i was making dinner and he asks if he can taste my hand (can he taste the food). No big deal; I run him up a plate and go get on the internet.
So I mention it to #4 later that night and he got PISSED. Like, I have never seen him this pissed. He's like how anyone could tell me anything and he don't know the guy like that and I know all his friends and how my head is light (basically saying I'm an airhead). So I tell him he's making a big deal of nothing, and go to the bathroom. He comes into the bathroom after me and says:
"I'm checking to make sure you're not in here cutting your wrists. Cause I know you're crazy."
Yup. Pause and light a cigarette.
So I say to him:
"You better get the fuck away from me before I cut you."
Him (mad): What??
Me: You heard me. Why would you even say that shit to me? Where am i supposed to get a knife from anyway
Him: Cut me? I will shoot you.
He starts going off about how too many of his friends have died at the hands of a woman. I'm not surprised. If they were anything like him...mhn
Me: Do it then.
So we get into arguing again and I'm telling him he's basically mad at me for something I did that I didn't even know was wrong. We both go to bed. I wake up; I'm over it, but he's not. He's ignoring me the whole day.
So I wrote him a letter since he refused to talk.
Him: What is this?
Me: A letter.
#4 proceeded to set my letter on fire and throw it in the sink.
Yup... pause and drink some water.
So by now I'm upset to the point of tears cause I'm angry. So he comes to me and says "If you want to talk, talk"
So I'm basically telling him that I thought dude was his people cause he called the room. Why would he give out the room number if it was some random person. He calms down a bit after that and says:
"The guy saw me go to work today. Called to me and everything. So he must have other reasons why he's calling up there"
I'm like , hell how would I know all that. So after we clear that up he tells me he just needs some time and space. Cool, whatever. The next day he comes home from work and he's telling me how much he cares about me this that and the third. Bla bla blaaaah
Whatever.
That happened Tuesday, and things have been cool since. He took me to Margaritaville and a few other clubs since then so we're alright now.
Boy this shit I put up with for the love of nightlife and multiple orgasms...
Other than that... I guess I'm alright. We went out last night and had a good time after his weed fit. He has a serious weed problem. I lost his weed and he was acting like a fucking head case. I asked him if he was going through withdrawal. He got mad and took a shower in the dark.
Probably with Summer's Eve. Lmao
This afternoon we had a ball talking about music and I realized why I liked him in the first place. Cause the past few days I had forgotten.
So yeah...shit like this is why I can't be in a relationship. I know ya'll are like, duh Monie, clearly he aint relationship material. Yup, I totally understand that. But it's just a lesson that you have to accept people for their quirks and strange behaviors along with the good parts.
I can't do it.
I just can't...
later blog babies. i got some subscribin' to do! :)
Monday, July 13, 2009
Hoodboogas and Seafood, Hennessy and Muffins. Oh, and Church Antics,
This weekend was interesting to say the least. It was the first time I've ever been around so many low-class people. Yup... I said that. And I mean it.
Like I told ya'll during the last post, Sissy Dear and our friend from church went up to Rhode Island for a seafood fest, then to Mohegan Sun afterwards. The trip itself was ok, but the hoodboogas on there were NOT. I wasn't expecting hoodboogas as this trip was put together by one of Sissy Dear's co-workers, but now I question the types of people that she works with. I feel scared for the poor gal. I pray she finds another job posthaste!
And so...
We get there at 8 am, expecting breakfast as these people advertised. Now, something told me to run to the Asian Bodega (lol) across the street for some Pringles because whenever the 'folk tell you you're going to get breakfast on a trip, its usually some kind of fuckery. And I am glad I did.
My intuition (aka God) don't make no mistakes.
First of all, when we got on the bus I didn't see or smell anything that looked like breakfast. All i saw was a big ass dingy white cooler. I'm wondering what the hell is in there. My guess was bagels and cream cheese, but my guess was waaay off.
About twenty minutes into the trip, these mafuckas come talkin' 'bout breakfast is served.
I'm all excited, thinking I'm about to eat a bagel, something I have no business eating.
I can almost taste the cream cheese and feel it latching on to the other million pounds of fat that is my stomach.
Then, BAM! Reality slapped me on both sides of my face and then headbutted me.
Scroll down, lemme show you what they busted out of that dingy ass white cooler for breakfast:
Like I told ya'll during the last post, Sissy Dear and our friend from church went up to Rhode Island for a seafood fest, then to Mohegan Sun afterwards. The trip itself was ok, but the hoodboogas on there were NOT. I wasn't expecting hoodboogas as this trip was put together by one of Sissy Dear's co-workers, but now I question the types of people that she works with. I feel scared for the poor gal. I pray she finds another job posthaste!
And so...
We get there at 8 am, expecting breakfast as these people advertised. Now, something told me to run to the Asian Bodega (lol) across the street for some Pringles because whenever the 'folk tell you you're going to get breakfast on a trip, its usually some kind of fuckery. And I am glad I did.
My intuition (aka God) don't make no mistakes.
First of all, when we got on the bus I didn't see or smell anything that looked like breakfast. All i saw was a big ass dingy white cooler. I'm wondering what the hell is in there. My guess was bagels and cream cheese, but my guess was waaay off.
About twenty minutes into the trip, these mafuckas come talkin' 'bout breakfast is served.
I'm all excited, thinking I'm about to eat a bagel, something I have no business eating.
I can almost taste the cream cheese and feel it latching on to the other million pounds of fat that is my stomach.
Then, BAM! Reality slapped me on both sides of my face and then headbutted me.
Scroll down, lemme show you what they busted out of that dingy ass white cooler for breakfast:
Have you had your break today?? Probably not.
All foods were served in:*
*Monie slams her imaginary door and closes all the blinds*
What in the ziplock continental breakfast???
But what I wanna know is WHEN did it become acceptable to drink Hennessy and eat muffins at 10:09 in the AM? And as we all know, it is NEVER ok to drink cheap ass 5 dollar Andre shitpagne(click that there).
You can't make no damn Mimosa with that off brand shit! Not that these hoodboogas were even making Mimosas. They were sipping the shit straight from their plastic cups and then topping it off with that Hennessy.
Needless to say that by the time we got to the Nordic Lodge, niggerocity was on full blast.
Scuse me one minute... I need to get comfortable for this shit right'chea.
*Monie un-buttons her skinny jeans, props her legs up on her imaginary coffee table, scratches her left titty, then lights a cigarette*
*exhale*
As one of them ugly Pretty Ricky boys would say in that Hotline song--
Pictcha dis:
(lmbao, what in blue hell is going on in this pic? that's another story, for another day)
I digress.
So about 100 of BK & BX's finest Niggeratti (yeah, oxymoronic, I know) come out to eat seafood and show the world their entire ass. There were about 5 normal people on this trip (me and my girls included).
I guess the sugar rush from the muffins and Hennessy finally hit folks, because it was just UN-COUTH! There was one table that was just LOUD as all get out, singing songs from the Color Purple. Folks cracking the crab legs and lobster shell with their TEETH! And the outfits... I can't even go there with ya'll today. I need to buy a digi-cam so I can share these things w/ ya'll. Yes, I know, I'm long overdue, but I'm not really into capturing the moment on film.
Anywho, after all that, we all pile back on the bus for Mohegan Sun. They get to serving more Hennessy and Andre shitpagne, watching movies and all that. I just turned up the volume extra loud on my Zen and prayed that my eardrums didn't bust out after the trip.
We get to Mohegan Sun, and it was alright. Nothing too exciting for me, probably cause I'm not really into gambling. I had the best time in Brookstone's testing out massagers :D
Also saw Drunken Munchkin's baby brother. Lol, small world, huh?
After we gambled out our little $10 (my sister won $20,lol) we just chilled, walked around, and took pics. Nothing exciting. We got back home to Long Island at about 1:30 am.
*blank stare*
As Forrest Gump says--
But what I wanna know is WHEN did it become acceptable to drink Hennessy and eat muffins at 10:09 in the AM? And as we all know, it is NEVER ok to drink cheap ass 5 dollar Andre shitpagne(click that there).
You can't make no damn Mimosa with that off brand shit! Not that these hoodboogas were even making Mimosas. They were sipping the shit straight from their plastic cups and then topping it off with that Hennessy.
Needless to say that by the time we got to the Nordic Lodge, niggerocity was on full blast.
Scuse me one minute... I need to get comfortable for this shit right'chea.
*Monie un-buttons her skinny jeans, props her legs up on her imaginary coffee table, scratches her left titty, then lights a cigarette*
*exhale*
As one of them ugly Pretty Ricky boys would say in that Hotline song--
Pictcha dis:
(lmbao, what in blue hell is going on in this pic? that's another story, for another day)
I digress.
So about 100 of BK & BX's finest Niggeratti (yeah, oxymoronic, I know) come out to eat seafood and show the world their entire ass. There were about 5 normal people on this trip (me and my girls included).
I guess the sugar rush from the muffins and Hennessy finally hit folks, because it was just UN-COUTH! There was one table that was just LOUD as all get out, singing songs from the Color Purple. Folks cracking the crab legs and lobster shell with their TEETH! And the outfits... I can't even go there with ya'll today. I need to buy a digi-cam so I can share these things w/ ya'll. Yes, I know, I'm long overdue, but I'm not really into capturing the moment on film.
Anywho, after all that, we all pile back on the bus for Mohegan Sun. They get to serving more Hennessy and Andre shitpagne, watching movies and all that. I just turned up the volume extra loud on my Zen and prayed that my eardrums didn't bust out after the trip.
We get to Mohegan Sun, and it was alright. Nothing too exciting for me, probably cause I'm not really into gambling. I had the best time in Brookstone's testing out massagers :D
Also saw Drunken Munchkin's baby brother. Lol, small world, huh?
After we gambled out our little $10 (my sister won $20,lol) we just chilled, walked around, and took pics. Nothing exciting. We got back home to Long Island at about 1:30 am.
*blank stare*
As Forrest Gump says--
..."and that's all I got to say bout that"
Sunday I got up for church, which was quite interesting. My mother yelled at the organ player to shutup right there in the sanctuary. Very embarassing, but someone needed to tell his ass to stop. I don't remember if I ever wrote about the organ player from church.
Grab your Hennessy (lol);
time for a quick story
Ron's his name. He's "hip hop royalty" (Rakim's) older brother. Has/had a bit of a drug problem. Has about 8 teeth in his mouth, all are caked up with plaque.
(Hold your luch down)
Stays soliciting money from around the neighborhood. Our church pays him to play on Sundays. He doesn't know the words to ANY songs, and puts the following lines in everything he sings:
'mazin' grace, how sweet da sound! once was lost but nowww i'm found
*smacks away microphone with his mouth*
For two months straight during offering collection he put his own spin on that song that was the theme from Amen:
Turn on da light from heaven lawwd
Shinnnnnnne on meeeee
Turn on the light from heaven lawwd
Shine on me! Shine. it. on. me.
Talkin' bout da roaddddd, from heaven lawd
(repeat)
Every Sunday I swore I was gonna die from laughter, cracking up hiding behind the pew in front of me.
Clawdhammercy; they better not ask me to do his eulogy!
Needless to say, he's quite EXTRA, and an aggravation. I guess my mama couldn't take it no more ya'll. She's gangsta. Lol.
And that was this weekend's excitement. I should have more for ya'll this week.
Later Bubbies!!
♥ Monie
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