pro.nails
i love having my nails done. aside from the fact that you can't tell i have manhands, it makes life easier. i can scratch my scalp so good it's damn near orgasmic. i can palm my own tits (the way Rene Elizondo holds up Janet's on that janet. album cover) 
and it looks so sexy (so long as i don't look down on my gut). but that ain't the best part. the best part is i have an excuse to not change my nephew's shitty pampers. my sister asked me to help her out and change him and i replied:
I can't. *flashes nails* If I change him there's a chance shit will get caked up in my nails. Then I'll be smelling shit all because I won't be able to really clean under my nails. So no.I can't
Thank you, Tips. You've made life that much better.
Picture Mail Penis
So yesterday a friend of mine decided to surprise me with some interesting and inappropriate picture mail. He sent me 2 pictures of his dick, ya'll. It was BIG... (he even pictured it beside a tape measure! *fans self*)...but it also looked ASHY. Now I don't know if it was the lighting on the pic; I don't know if he has dick eczema... i don't know what the deal is, but...
*Note to the fellas...when sending over penis-picture-mail; please, please, please, hit your joint with some cocoa butter, shea butter, wonder 8 oil, canola. whatever. do what you have to do to make it showpiece-ready.me, myself personally, i loves a pretty, moisturized dick. ashy dick could be a deal breaker in my book. not that it was in this case, cause i wouldn't have relations with him anyway... (i'll never bed another friend, but most importantly; i'm not attracted to him) but that's another can of creamed corn. if 2017 rolls around and i still don't get married/get none, i might have to go there.
Lord, please... don't allow this to happen. Amen.Moving along..
Sex
I'd take a helping of some right now. Hormones are raging. But I know I won't be having any until I'm married for spiritual reasons. I kinda pride myself on my celibacy. When I think about straying I sing a little song in my head. Kind of a Jermaine Stewart remix if you will (those of you eightiezbabies remember "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off")
*clears throat and silently belts out*
I don't have to take my/ Clothes off/ To have a good time/Oh No/ HIV is out there/Oh yeah/And the Her-pes/No Thanks!
Keep singing over and over and incorporating all the different STIs out there. It's a real libido-killer, trust me.
raphael sadiq-- oooh he could get it!
He sounds sooo cute when he sings:
'put your purse down and take off your jacket/oh girl its about to get nazzty/ and you'll love what we're gonna do..."
ha! I bet I would!!
LOL that man gotta be atleast 45 and doesnt look a day over 30. i bet he's vegan. he looks like he stretches his own skin tightly across his face once a week!
(i'm listening to his vh1 soul stage as i type this)
even though he's not the type that i like... i have a crush on him.
even though he's wearing a full suit that is mustard colored... i still like him.
even though he looks like a Backyardigan...
I'd still hit... if I had the chance and if I were still sexually active.
he does have some sexy arms though. *but he's fired for wearing that outfit * i've always been a sucker for guys that can sing...one day I'll share with ya'll the story of "The Idiot" and how he tried to bring me down, but God wasn't having it. Mmmhn.
q-tip
i think if bill cosby were a rapper he'd be q-tip. next time you watch q-tip perform live, check his mannerisms. right now he's performing Vivrant Thing... this nigga looking like he bout to ask the crowd if they want Jello pudding. Look at the resemblance!
Scary.
Bonita.Applebaum...Still one of the best hip hop songs. It makes my heart smile. At my wedding reception, I would like my husband to sing it to me (I should have those measurements by then) and follow it up with Electric Relaxation and Bobby Brown's Tenderoni. The live version when he says "I guess this is why I got arrested huh?" Then proceeds to give slimlightskin the illest crotch-rub-down-nasty-grind. HA! I want alllladat at my wedding reception.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ey5hWPFBvcM
Go on... I know you wanna watch. It'll make you laugh, trust me.
Love.Life
mine is non-existant of course. i mean, unless you consider the deep, meaningful relationship I'm having with myself some evenings :) . anyway. everytime i turn around one of my girls is in deep like/love. why is it so easy for them?why can't it be that easy for me??i'm jealous. i feel like i never see/meet anyone i want to spend my time with and have conversation with. i know there's someone out there for me, but for whatever reasons that nigga is hiding like bin-bin (bin-bin=bin laden). i hope he gets off that ground hog day bullshit and shows himself in the '09. i'm getting more pretty by the year, so maybe he's waiting for 2017. i should be dropdeadsexy by then i guess. hmm..
Monie's Jukebox
Miss Independent Remix
just the first line. i have my own lyrics for the rest. feel free to incorporate them when you sing the song:
I love her cause she got her own
Although I got mine I won't leave yours alone
There ain't nothin that's more sexy
Than saving my ones and spending your G's
Ayyy
Young, independent, yet has no job
You can't tell from the way that I walk
I don't slow down cause I ain't got no time
Not to mention that I am half blind
I don't expect nothing from no guy
Don't play agressive because I AM shy
But you'll never know my softer side
From lookin' in my eyes...
LOL, let me leave them people song alone.
Next!
Damn D Love Me- NFL Boyz
Heard this little ditty on the radio while I was visiting down south. Hilarious!
Look it:
Damn nigga she just love me
Watch me ride by wanna f/ck me
See me in the club wanna suck me
guess that's why ya mama wanna f/ck me
ROFLDWL... why he had to bring mamas into the shit?
Rehab-Rihanna
If that whole first verse aint the realest shit ever. We'll leave that alone. Cause I'm kinda in a good mood.
ok.. that's all. time to take the bra off and set the titties free.
