So I know I promised I'd write about the details of my wonderific, fantastical relations, but I cain't bring myself to do it. I just feel like its too personal.
There's something more pressing I wanna talk about.
I believe this will probably be my last entry.
Let's have some real talk.
If you've noticed, there's been a theme in the last couple of entries about how I've changed bla bla bla.
I think it keeps coming up because I'm just not the same gal I used to be. I've matured both spiritually and mentally. A lot of times I have the time to write, and Lord know DC gives a slew of material to write about.
But.
I just haven't because I feel conflicted about whether I should write about certain things or not.
I started this blog at a point in my life when I was in major turmoil. I was suffering from an anxiety disorder (agoraphobia). I was angry, sad, and just emotionally imbalanced. I pretty much had to learn to live all over again if that makes any sense. Because there wasn't much I could do, I leaned upon God, my imagination, the entertainment industry, sexual escapades,and creativity to pull me through a rough time in my life.
And thus, crazy, messy, silly SimoneDior dropped onto the world wide web not giving much of an eff about anything. The equivalent of my imaginary friend. The part of myself who wasn't afraid to say anything. What I needed when I needed it the most. An outlet.
This blog helped me to laugh at myself, interact with others, and see that life indeed wasn't as serious as we make it out to be. It even helped me to get published. It has indeed been a blessing.
It's just not really representative of who I am anymore. So. I've decided to let Simone go. I will miss the silliness, tranny-antics, and tee-hee-hees. However, this blog will remain because I need to read my blogroll n' shit. And who knows. Maybe Monie will make a special appearance from time to time.
And as dry as that sentence was is exactly how I spent it.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be alive; Praise God, but as much as I hate to admit it—I’m truly an old bitch grown up now. I remember when I went home to recuperate from life back in 2007 all I wanted was for my anxiety to be gone so I could go to happy hours and clubs with my peoples, drank tequila, and paint the town red…and green, and mafuckin gold.
But no more.
I would love to say it’s because the old crew has disbanded, people who used to love you no longer love you, you no longer love them, bitches got kids and shit, et cetera et cetera. But honestly, even if I had the chance to do it—I don’t think I’d want to.
I am in fact the reason that I am an old bitch.
When you spend 3 years working to feel calm (and this is still in progress), learning to be still when all you want to do is run (for no damn reason at that) ; facing things, and being a grown ass woman—the last thing on your agenda is guzzling dranks and dropping it down low to the floor.
I mean, even when I heard my favorite club (Love) had re-opened I still didn’t feel compelled to go out. That was when I knew it was over for me, because back in the day if I heard the gang was going to Love, I all but wet my panties.
Besides. None of my bad bitches were here to hit it up with me. Plus, I might still be on the banned list from that one night…
*blankstare*
We’ll talk about that hot mess another day. Anywho.
Trust me, I ain’t knocking nobody if this is still their thing. It’s just not mine anymore. And I accept that.
Sheeit…all I wanna do is remain happy, grow closer to God, work this job, get my IA certificate, make more money, marry my baby (most days), have us a baby (most days) , and enjoy feeling calm. I guess I wanna do a lot. But its feasible.
Anyway, I did end up going home for my birthday. Oddly enough the only friends that came to see me were my homey Tamika, Nay, and *gasp* the Drunken Munchkin aka DM.
DM and I have developed quite the friendship actually. He’s actually cool as hell, and I can see why we were best of friends in middle school. I don’t even mind that he’s a chatterbox now. Could be because he’s not generating conversation that’s cutting into dick-time.
*Shrug*
He’d been telling me for weeks he had something to tell me. I guessed either he got someone pregnant or was getting married.
DM swung by my house and he and I went for a walk around the block and he admitted the former: DM gon’ be a daddy ya’ll.
This is truly weird. I can’t picture him as someone’s dad. I can only see him as the nasty trollop who kisses really great, gives spectacular head, and throws some of the meanest penis. But in spite of that, he gon’ be somebody’s daddy.
Apparently it doesn’t change the freak in him cause he was trying to convince me to fuck for old time’s sake. I had to let him know it wasn’t gon’ happen. And then we walked back to my house and had ice cream cake and laughed til the wee hours of the morning.
Went to church the next day (my actual birthday), napped and flew back to the urrrea. Spent that evening on Skype with my future. I love his sexy ass. *cheese*
Truth be told though- sometimes he be getting on my nerves. I know the reasoning is gonna sound silly, but hey, I’m me and it is what it is.
Here’s the gripe I have with relationships. I love being in them until about the 6 month mark. Because that’s when the newloveydoveysupersweetfuzzy feelings wear off. For the men in my situations at least. Is it wrong for me to want that newloveydoveysupersweetfuzzy feeling to last forever? I think it bothers me so much because when I fall in love with someone, I always have that newloveydoveysupersweetfuzzy feeling. It never wears off for me. Unless a nigga just don’t have any actright.
*scratching head*
Then again, the longest halfway healthy relationship I’ve ever been in only lasted about 8 months or so.
Anyway, my man is acting like the love’s going old. Not calling and texting like he used to. I know he’s not misbehaving, I just feel like I’m putting more of my heart into it than he is. I know he loves me. I just want him to be crazy about me like he used to be. Like, I want him to always feel that way. Because of this we get into stupid arguments which often end with me apologizing to him because this ideology of mine, I admit, is halfway crazy. All I can do is pull myself back to even the score. Thing is, I don’t want to. I never want to hold myself back when it comes to loving my other half. I thought I had found someone who loved the same way I did, but now I’m not so sure. And this poses a problem, because we’re supposed to get married in December. I’m not so sure I can marry someone who isn’t as wrapped on in me as I am in them. I’ll have to go into deep prayer on this one.
I need for you to have your own money. You don't have to have a lot. Matter fact, you can even just have enough for you (cause I always got enough for me), but don't expect me to dip into my pockets consistently for you. Love don't pay the bills, and neither does dick.
Don't berate me for being a "princess". It has come to my attention that my parents set high standards (aka "spoiled") me, and I expect certain shit. *blank damn stare* If you ask me what I wanna do, and I tell you something pricey and you're on a Burger King budget that's your problem. You should not have asked what I wanted to do. Just suggest Applebees or some other cheap shit. I fucks with buffalo wings like everyone else *shrug*
You must take me places. I aint trying to sit around staring in your fuckin face. You stopped being cute a long time ago.
Paying attention will get you far with me. I'm a Leo and we require attention. Likewise, I will shower you with attention. But ignoring me will do nothing but put you on the receiving end of my attitude. And my attitude is funkier than unwashed prostitute pussy when need be.
Appreciate me. If I do something nice for your ass, thank me, and if able, reciprocate. I hate ungrateful men; ungrateful people in general. If you know me, you know that I will go above and beyond, but if you meet my efforts with an ungrateful attitude... I'mma tell you something fucked up and you not gonna like it.
If you claim you love me, show it. You can tell me you love me all day long, but it means nothing when you behave the total opposite.
Don't lie. Uh-uh...don't do that. That should have been first on this list, but that's the beauty of an unordered list ;)
And I'm done for now. There might be another installment. Unfortunately, I gotta pay per hour to use internet, so a bitch is limited.
I finally got around to reading my October issue of Ebony with Whitney.
And dammit if I don't love her all the more!
Sidebar- Ebony outdoes Essence any day. I subscribe to both, but article-wise, Ebony writers are just on a whole nother skill set, son!
Anywho, I have always loved Whitney. From the time my dad got the first album where she had no damn hair (wasn't no compact disc back then, lol)
til now.
Messiness and all. And strangely enough, the messier she became the more I (and many of ya'll too) adored her. Why? It showed that she is human.
The part that caught me the most in the article was a statement she made:
"...I thank him for chastening my heart, for never letting go. What I did sometimes... I went off and did my thing, but He never let me go"
Amen, Whitney.
She goes on to talk about her process of praying and asking God to correct what was wrong with her," to lift her so she could see her light again."
*Monie tears up*
I won't lie-- watching her on Being Bobby Brown was pure hilarity. I wasn't at all surprised that she could behave like that. First of all, she is a Leo. And!
Look at who she used to date.
Eddie Murphy (crazy ass)
Darryl Strawberry (cokehead ass)... cmon!
Ebony said that Whitney "fell from grace"
*Monie casts her infamous 'ho please' look*
First of all, cain't nobody fall from GOD's grace, which is the only grace that matters, ya dig? If you're a Christian you know that it is a free gift through Jesus Christ. The very fact that you can rise back after being so down bottom shows that it is impossible to be stripped of God's grace and his love. This story affects me so much because it parallels my own.
C'mon let me show you the dark side of Monie. :)
I was diagnosed with Agoraphobia in 2007. Go'n and click that there if you don't know what it is.
It is the reason I had to move back home from the urrea. A combination of shit was going on in my life starting from like, May of that year.
Every month I seemed to sink deeper and deeper into depression. I had never been so unhappy in my life.
I stayed drinking. Like my entire purpose of drinking was to drink until I became so drunk that I could not feel anything and could not care about anything. I stayed in the clubs like my name was on the damn lease.
And I never missed church on a Sunday through it all, lol.
Looking back, I think I always knew that even at my messiestI understood God sees it all and knows it all. I think it was also my way of trying to assure myself that if I did go, God wouldn't forget about me, despite my behavior.
So there I was I hanging out with T's hoodbooga ass, on the road to becoming a hoodbooga my damn self... and shit was just spiraling out of control. But for some crazy reason I kept trying to convince myself that I was happy because I SHOULD be happy.
The week before my 25th birthday I felt like i had enough. I came home from work with the intention of committing suicide. With a Cheap bottle of Moet that was just sitting in my freezer and a huge bottle of Ibuprofen. I turned off my cellphone and plugged out my landline, ready to go!
Obviously, a bitch is still here, and I am so glad I didn't go through with it.
I won't go into all the detail, but in the middle of thinking about what it is that I was actually about to do... I knew it wasn't right. I knew it was not the way that I was supposed to go out. I remember just calling on Jesus over and over again until I was strong enough to pour the Moet down the sink. When I turned my phone back on my Mom was actually calling, and said she sensed something was wrong with me. Scary, huh?
So after that happened, one would've thought I'd start making changes. However, I was not in the right state of mind. Clearly. The one good thing I did was start my masters, but I continued with my usual madness. Drinking, partying. And I thought it was alright cause I was still going to church. I'd be at the alter every Sunday. Even started going to Bible Study. And hitting the club afterwards.
*Monie turns up the Temptations' "Ball of Confusion" on her radio*
Towards the end of September the panic attacks started.
Now, I 've dealt with panic attacks off and on for the past 9 years, but this time it was just turrbull!
And they'd happen in the strangest of places. The first time I remember getting one, I was drunk in the drive thru of Mc Donalds on Georgia Ave. After that, I'd get them on the metro. Even though I was only on metro for all of 4 stops, it felt like an eternity. I tried taking the bus, but then I started getting attacks on the bus. I got scared of being alone, and I swore everyone was looking at me crazy.
I felt like I always needed someone close to me, like,i stopped trusting myself to take care of myself. and that is one of the worst feelings you can ever have, let me tell you.
Thank God for Nikks who always used to come rescue me since I basically gave her loan of my car to the point it was like it was hers anyway :) And no matter what, she'd always come and get me. There is nothing like knowing you have a friend that is always there for you when you're in a situation like that. One day I was basically stranded at work because I started becoming afraid of having the panic attacks. That's when I knew something had to give. I didn't want to keep having to depend on people, so I packed my things into storage, took Dinka cat, and moved on back home to NY by October.
I remember the last time I went to church in Maryland, I stood at the alter, just wanting God to work a miracle right then and there. But sometimes miracles are slow. However, there was an affirmation. After the prayer the Pastor turned to the whole congregation and told them God had something big in store for my life. And mind you, I was not the only one up there.
But ... things with me got worse before they got better.
The panic was becoming even more severe. I wasn't even be able to sit in a car to go around the corner. I would have to lay down on the floor in the back seat just to get anywhere. I was even afraid of being home by myself. I knew I had to go to therapy, so I went. That's when I was diagnosed with the Agoraphobia. It got to the point where I was housebound because I was so afraid, and because I was unable to do anything that made me even more depressed.
It took me 7 months, therapy, 2 Iyanla Vanzant books, and God to settle my behind down and realize I was in fact battling some shit under the surface.
First of all, I was damn angry. And I would spazz on my mom and my sister for the dumbest things at the drop of a pin.
But I realized why I was so angry:
In my eyes I felt like a coward for not being strong enough to stick it out, and that made me angry. I was angry at my parents for all the things they did and did not do. I was angry at some of my friends because I felt taken advantage of. However, what made me the most angry was thatI never spoke up about any of it.I'd just repress it. I just started confronting my anger this year. Therapy has taught me that it's ok to be angry; that it will not drive you crazy, it's how you express it.
And worse,I realized that I did not love myself. I thought that I did, but I really didn't. People, understand that you cannot love yourself if you don't realize your self worth and don't speak up when someone is doing you foul. Andyou cannot claim to love someone else if you don't love yourself.How are you trying to go out of your way to please and love someone when you can't do it for you? The shit is impossible.
Now, when I came home, I had stopped going to church because 1, I didn't want to panic at church,and 2, I started thinking that God wasn't listening to me, didn't care about me anymore, and the situation was to be my fate.
*Enter imaginary donkey* *Donkey brays: he haw he haw, ho* *Exit donkey*
LOL
I mean, here it was I was getting worse. Eventually I started praying again. I even found it in my heart to talk to my dad after not speaking to him for 3 years. Then my mom talked me into going to church again last January.
Mannn... every Sunday I would cry at church. I mean EVERY SUNDAY. There always seemed to be something in the message that was speaking to me. But hell, I was crying like every other day back then anyway, lol.
Then around March I found a book that I had brought a lonnnggg time ago. Like, 7 years ago by Iyanla Vanzant, called One Day My Soul Just Opened Up.
In May, I went on up to the alter at church, crying of course, and got saved.
*Monie, you sure don't act like you saved!*
Oh,but I am!
Being saved is recognizing Jesus is your savior. I have battled with myself long enough about how I behave and things that I do. I'm more into knowing and loving God and Jesus than abiding by religious rules and regulations. I have gotten the side eye plenty of time for wearing makeup, and exposing cleavage at church. I don't care what anyone has to say, God knows I think I'm sexy. Lol. God knows everything about me. We have a good relationship. He knows I'm silly.He knows my hormones rage. He also knows that I have a good heart and I try my best to be a good person to and help my fellow brethren/sisteren.He knows when I'm being good, and he most definitely knows when I'm being bad.He knows all that, and He loves me. Regardless.
These days I am so at peace. If you have ever notbeen at peace, then you know how much it means to have it. I understand that I am where I am meant to be at this point of my life. I can travel places on my own, and panic doesn't run my life anymore. I still feel anxious from time to time, but I know it will pass. Still working on my driving, but I know I'm gonna get there. And if I feel like panic is going to be so unbearable I embrace it, love it like an annoying little brother, pray, and worst case scenario, pop a Klonopin. :)
I have learned to love myself, both the good parts and the bad parts. I know my self worth.And I don't hesitate to check folks anymore.
Fall from grace?
*Monie laughs heartily; startling Dinka causing him to run into a wall*
hehehehe
I never fell from grace. How could I ever? How can any of us ever???I am God's child. Me falling from grace is impossible. Whitney falling from grace...impossible!You falling from grace.... say it loud...IMPOSSIBLE!
He worked the best miracle that I could ever receive. He allowed me to know Him. It took 2 panic-ridden, stress-filled years to do so, but I wouldn't change a thing. Why?
It had to happen the way it did. I am stubborn. That's my nature. And had I not been brought to the lowest of my low, God could not have penetrated my mind and my spirit the way he had.
I'd still be one confused, drunken little child doing the Walk it Out in the clubhouse. LOL!
(Granted, I still drink, but I am a whole lot more sober these days. And as of August, I've stuck with the one drink minimum. Go me!)
I'm saying though... it's a process.
So even if I never go on to become world famous or do something iconic, that's alright.
You just read it...God has already done so much for me.
I know, I have been scarce. So much to tell you all about. Limited internet access because I have moved in #4's place the last week I'm here to save money. Unfortunately I will be bringing my trip to an end this Wednesday, but on the upside...scandalocity to come.
I done got some insurance dick from... let's call him Sugar. Cause that's what he likes to call himself for some strange reason I don't know. And wooo chile... Sugar slings the D like whoa. Details to come of how he picked me up and bounced me around like Ving Rhames did Mama in Babyboy
Additional fights between #4 and I... and how I felt myself gearing up to slap him with a piece of fruit.
And other tidbits from my vacay.
I know I have some folks to follow... I didn't forget ya'll ! and thanks for following me! I appreciate it.
i'm leavinnn on a jet plane... but not to worry, i will be back next tuesday (if ya cared) :D Jamaica trip #2 tommorow. Not quite excited yet. When I step off the plane, that's when it'll kick in... if the Klonopin has worn off by then
*shrug*
This time I will be writing from abroad... because my mom bought me a laptop as an "your-almost-done-with-your-Masters" present:D
Looking forward to some relaxation on the beach, jetskiing, partying, all of that. Seeing my family. Not really concerned w/ boyfriend #4 right now. I dipped into his email again, and he's there writing to his old woman boo, telling her he misses talking to her and has been calling her like crazy. Rocko said it best:
"You just do you, umma do meee"
Because I am.
I was talking to Pop Pop on the i/m the other day and he pointed out that we (Boyfriend #4 and I) were both wrong for trying to lock down our body parts for each other when we really don't know each other to have that kind of relationship and trust.
*Cue in the soft & pink Wendy Williams music*
That Pop Pop is a wise man. We don't talk as much as we used to anymore, and we live quite far from each other now, however, I appreciate him for all that he's been to me in the time I've known him. Pop Pop is really good at telling people to get it together in a way that is calm and non-judgemental; something a lot of people (that I know) are not very skilled at. This works for me because under my psuedo-tough exterior, I'm quite marshmellow-like. Anywho, Pop Pop, I know you don't really read this as much as you would like to(haha), but thanks. I ♥ you... not in that "I wanna take your clothes off and kiss you in the mouth"-type way, hehee. Yes, even though you are sexy as hell. :D
*End music*
In other events...I'm a lot more calmer about my situation. I cried, prayed on it, and God told me that I am alright.
It's about to be one of those rare moments where my morals and values shine through:
God is real; never let anyone tell you otherwise. If you don't believe in him, well, that's your gripe. I'm not here to judge. However, I do pray that you DO come to know him one day. It's a beautiful thing.
It is my opinion that intuition is God speaking to you. Ever notice how when you don't listen to intuition, things go madly wrong, i.e. click that right there?
Anywho, there was one profound time when God whispered in my ear, and I am so greatful that I knew to listen because it saved my mother's life.
Kick back and grab your cocoa mug ya'll; story time!
When I was 15 (if I recall correctly; it's been soooo long) one morning I was dreaming that my mother was calling out to me. At the time she and my dad had their bed set up downstairs because we were re-doing the house. So, I woke up, went to the top of the stairs and called out "Mom?"
No answer.
So I chalked it up to dreaming; turned around ready to get back in the bed because it was still early, but something said "Go downstairs to your mother."
So I went downstairs to see my mother face down on the ground, with the alarm clock next to her; blood pouring from her mouth. Very scary, but for some reason, I didn't feel a lick of fear (which is very unlike my scaredy-cat ass)
I turned her over and sat her up. She seemed kind of in a daze, but thank God she was alive. I called 9-1-1 and then told my grandmother and sister to come downstairs. 9-1-1 told us to sit her up and put her legs up on a chair because it sounded like she had a stroke.
And that was exactly what happened. My mom was 43 years old at the time, and had a stroke. This is a woman who doesn't drink, or smoke, and was (still is) healthy and a stunning size 4 at age 55. Very reserved, and the opposite of me. The only tell-tale sign that she's my mama is that we look just alike. I'm just the fatter version, hehehehe
Her stroke was more than likely, naw, scratch, lets be honest, was a result of putting up with my father and his shennanigans and being a work-a-holic (because he never kept a steady job). Note to all, when something is draining you and stressing you out, WALK AWAY. walking away is not the same as giving up.
Anywhosit, I'm glad that I listened to the voice of God and went downstairs to see about her, because she probably would have not been here today. And I would probably be even more of a hot mess than I already am :)p
I didn't save her, God did. I don't take any of the credit.
I tell you allllladat to tell you this; if you take a little time to be quiet; to be still when you're thinking over your pressing issues, God will let you know what it is that you need to do.
Last week when I came back from the GYN and was told that Iprobably had a thyroid condition(in addition to being worried about the whole Dick Stress issue); I came home distraught ya'll. Bawling and the whole 9. I hadn't been reading my Bible regularly like I used to/should have been, but there in the face of a problem I ran to it.
I forget which passage I turned to, but the heading was "Do Not Worry". I read it, and then wrote out my prayers in my prayer book. When I turned back to read it again, I saw that it wasn't on that page anymore. I don't remember turning the page either, but I flipped back and found it. I understand that God was giving me a message; not to worry, and that everything was going to be fine. He said it, and I'mlistening.
Amen.
So other than that, I'm still Monie. Still silly, crazy, expressing myself to the nth and learning and growing along life's journey.
To all my new readers, thank you for joining! I'm still checking you all out. I'm still in amazement that I started this blog the day after Christmas '08 and its got 128 readers since then.
Hopefully when I turn this mafucka' into a book ya'll will buy it :D
And before I leave you...
How much do I love Showtime on Demand for FINALLY putting "Why Did I Get Married?" on demand. That means I get to see Michael Jai White's sexy body whenever I want; rewind the shit, and just ooh chile. Look at 'im:
don't you just wanna put your arms under his and grab him all up on top of his shoulders, and thrust? Woooo chile! hehehee
i'm frazzled!! i've been working non-stop off of minimal hours of sleep so that i can get all this shit done before heading to jamaica, but dammit.
a ho cain't take no mo', for the rest of the day...
I AIN'T DOING SHIT!
I'm gonna do 90 minutes of Taebo (maybe)
catch up on some more blogs (yesssssss!)
order something italian and yummy (definitely)
read a trashy hood novel (fo' sho) and
watch Stringer Bell and Bodie (mmmmhmmmm :-)
on another note: thank you Rio Tapatiofor your blog award. It sooooo made my heart smile:-) i'm always a bit shocked to know that folks are entertained by insanity, lol. i enjoy your blog as well. it makes me wish i were more artsy. fab. and kewwwwl... just like you.
thanks again!
Spinster Bitch: My Worst Fear- A Short Story
I am terribly, disgustinglycompletelylonely.
Yeah, I said it. No shame in my game anymore.
It has been approximately 5 years since I've had a real relationship. And actually; he was so wack and dry... I don't even consider him.
Of course I've had my fuck buddies, the ones that have used me up and whored me out, lol. and those who claimed to be my man but really weren't--after, in between, once, during...hey, i believe in insurance dick.
Anywho, the point is I'm 26 (shit, round that off to 30 if you'd like) and I have yet to have a serious relationship. EVER.
I think it would be good to have one. Especially since everyone's getting paired off and having kids. Because that leaves me with no club partners, no drinking buddies, basically no social life. I don't do the third wheel bullshit and my friends' boyfriends have wierdos/psychos/ugmos for friends.
(I don't know what I'm gonna do when I move to DC)
I refuse to have an ugly man. Tried it.Hated it!
Not a good look for me or my forehead. He was so homely I had my eyes squeezed shut the entire time (which felt like forever) to the point I had a headache and a slight crease in my forehead. Ain't that much Oil of Olay and Visine in the world! So even though he was a sweetheart, and would have given me his whole homely little world... I couldn't do it. So I deaded that.
But...
Am I gonna be that old bitch in the club? Like Kerri Washington in I Think I Love My Wife (sans the overbite, of course)?
I have a sneaking suspicion that's going to be me.And it scares the shit out of me, I can't even lie. I feel like I'm gonna end up just like that. Being fabulous, but opting to marry someone boring and safe, who stimulates absolutely no part of me. Just so that I don't have to live alone in my old age with Life Alert.
Or God forbid, trying to homewreck some married man's relationship!?
Dear God, please don't allow this to happen.
I think about this almost everyday (even when I'm not menstrual) and it makes me terribly sad :-(
I can't front.
I'm one heck of a gal, and it sucks that no one may ever get to know it. *sigh*
My therapist and I agree that I'm extremely picky, and she says that's ok.
I agree with her.
Sheeeeeit, I've been through too much shit to allow some basketcase bastard to come into my life and fuck shit up. Even though a bitch has "coping skills"... I don't feel like using them all the time. LOL Seriously though; I've been through enough. Besides, somebody's gotta be the level-headed one in the relationship!
We think (lol @ "we" ; like she and i are a couple-- hell at this point, we might as well be) that I should consider online dating when I get my driving skills back in order.
(I have a panic disorder, so my driving is very limited)
There's no public transportation here after 6, and I don't trust nan nigga to take me home after I was date raped while I was living in MD.
So get this lameness-- I practice driving to and from Applebees in my town. When I get to the point where I can master driving without feeling afraid or having to drive with someone, then I can join match.com and date.
It makes me laugh to even think that this is what it has all come down to.
And I laugh so that I won't cry that this is what it has come down to.
I'm actually getting sleepy now. I haven't slept since yesterday 8 am.
Probably why I'm putting myself all on blast like this. Oh well.
and I look back and reflect on certain people and situations I've been in with them and come come to realize some folks are friggin ridiculous.
#4:In this life, you have to be careful how you treat people.Sometimes the folks you want to reach out to, you may not be able to because you've treated them like straight shit.
*I'm implementing this into my life rules; hence the "#4"
You cannot do the following to people and then expect them to be there for you:
mental abuse - - this is never good. you potentially run the risk of either getting the piss fire smacked out of you, or being on the receiving end of a whole gang of passive-agressive behavior. And while passive-agressive behavior gets a bad rap; personally, I like that shit.it's like the ultimate form of vendetta. *Lord, forgive me.
outright disrespect- - even though some folks are straight up less than (yup, I'm a classist); you still have to maintain respect. Especially if that person is your friend. You can't talk to them any old kind of way "just because we're friends"then expect that person to be down for you. The one you disrepect will be the same one who gets you set up to get that bad business. Trust and Believe.
theft- - please do not steal from anyone, and then call them a friend. Cause a chick like me will get drunk and tell everyone not to leave stuff around you, because you've attempted to steal shoes, jewelry, etc...
judging folks and being overly self righteousness- - this is never a good look. people want friends who accept them as they are. at least i do. don't get it twisted now: i welcome and appreciate you letting me know i'm slipping, but do.fucking.not.tell me what you would do if you were me, what i should be doing, who i can share my vaginal canal with.... none of that. don't do it.
abandoning a frienship-- you cannot proclaim that someone is one of your nearest and dearest friends, and then treat that person as if they don't exist until you know you're going to see them. I understand we all get busy (trust me, i know), but people know the difference between when their friends are busy and when they've forgotten them.
taking advantage-- this is the absolute fuck you to someone you call a friend. if you know a person can't but is willing because they love you; don't do it to them. and likewise, if you know you can't, don't be unfair to yourself and offer your help, money, clothes... vagina et cetera. It saves you a whole lot of headache. I learned this one the hard way.
By no means am I perfect. I've done shit, said shit I probably should not have, but after honest assessment, I know I've never deserved any of the above treatment. I let people treat me that way; up until fairly recently at that; because I wasn't loving myself enough. But now that I'm deeplymadlytruly in love with moi; the shit won't be going down anymore. I realize I don't have to be nasty and retaliate either. And I'm not cutting anyone off--- because who knows; one of those hos may be able to help me network and potentially gain money out this maf/cka (just being honest).
I am content simply placing such people on my Life Stove's backburner.
Put that in your pot and mek it bubble like SOUP! :)
pro.nails i love having my nails done. aside from the fact that you can't tell i have manhands, it makes life easier. i can scratch my scalp so good it's damn near orgasmic. i can palm my own tits (the way Rene Elizondo holds up Janet's on that janet. album cover) and it looks so sexy (so long as i don't look down on my gut). but that ain't the best part. the best part is i have an excuse to not change my nephew's shitty pampers. my sister asked me to help her out and change him and i replied: I can't. *flashes nails* If I change him there's a chance shit will get caked up in my nails. Then I'll be smelling shit all because I won't be able to really clean under my nails. So no.I can't Thank you, Tips. You've made life that much better.
Picture Mail Penis
So yesterday a friend of mine decided to surprise me with some interesting and inappropriate picture mail. He sent me 2 pictures of his dick, ya'll. It was BIG... (he even pictured it beside a tape measure! *fans self*)...but it also looked ASHY. Now I don't know if it was the lighting on the pic; I don't know if he has dick eczema... i don't know what the deal is, but...
*Note to the fellas...when sending over penis-picture-mail; please, please, please, hit your joint with some cocoa butter, shea butter, wonder 8 oil, canola. whatever. do what you have to do to make it showpiece-ready.me, myself personally, i loves a pretty, moisturized dick. ashy dick could be a deal breaker in my book. not that it was in this case, cause i wouldn't have relations with him anyway... (i'll never bed another friend, but most importantly; i'm not attracted to him) but that's another can of creamed corn. if 2017 rolls around and i still don't get married/get none, i might have to go there.
Because no one else wants to f/ck me!- Chris Rock
Lord, please... don't allow this to happen. Amen.Moving along..
Sex I'd take a helping of some right now. Hormones are raging. But I know I won't be having any until I'm married for spiritual reasons. I kinda pride myself on my celibacy. When I think about straying I sing a little song in my head. Kind of a Jermaine Stewart remix if you will (those of you eightiezbabies remember "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off") *clears throat and silently belts out*
I don't have to take my/ Clothes off/ To have a good time/Oh No/ HIV is out there/Oh yeah/And the Her-pes/No Thanks!
Keep singing over and over and incorporating all the different STIs out there. It's a real libido-killer, trust me.
raphael sadiq-- oooh he could get it!
He sounds sooo cute when he sings: 'put your purse down and take off your jacket/oh girl its about to get nazzty/ and you'll love what we're gonna do..." ha! I bet I would!! LOL that man gotta be atleast 45 and doesnt look a day over 30. i bet he's vegan. he looks like he stretches his own skin tightly across his face once a week!
(i'm listening to his vh1 soul stage as i type this)
even though he's not the type that i like... i have a crush on him. even though he's wearing a full suit that is mustard colored... i still like him.
even though he looks like a Backyardigan...
I'd still hit... if I had the chance and if I were still sexually active.
he does have some sexy arms though. *but he's fired for wearing that outfit * i've always been a sucker for guys that can sing...one day I'll share with ya'll the story of "The Idiot" and how he tried to bring me down, but God wasn't having it. Mmmhn.
q-tip
i think if bill cosby were a rapper he'd be q-tip. next time you watch q-tip perform live, check his mannerisms. right now he's performing Vivrant Thing... this nigga looking like he bout to ask the crowd if they want Jello pudding. Look at the resemblance!
Scary.
Bonita.Applebaum...Still one of the best hip hop songs. It makes my heart smile. At my wedding reception, I would like my husband to sing it to me (I should have those measurements by then) and follow it up with Electric Relaxation and Bobby Brown's Tenderoni. The live version when he says "I guess this is why I got arrested huh?" Then proceeds to give slimlightskin the illest crotch-rub-down-nasty-grind. HA! I want alllladat at my wedding reception. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ey5hWPFBvcM
Go on... I know you wanna watch. It'll make you laugh, trust me.
Love.Life mine is non-existant of course. i mean, unless you consider the deep, meaningful relationship I'm having with myself some evenings :) . anyway. everytime i turn around one of my girls is in deep like/love. why is it so easy for them?why can't it be that easy for me??i'm jealous. i feel like i never see/meet anyone i want to spend my time with and have conversation with. i know there's someone out there for me, but for whatever reasons that nigga is hiding like bin-bin (bin-bin=bin laden). i hope he gets off that ground hog day bullshit and shows himself in the '09. i'm getting more pretty by the year, so maybe he's waiting for 2017. i should be dropdeadsexy by then i guess. hmm..
Monie's Jukebox
Miss Independent Remix just the first line. i have my own lyrics for the rest. feel free to incorporate them when you sing the song:
I love her cause she got her own Although I got mine I won't leave yours alone There ain't nothin that's more sexy Than saving my ones and spending your G's Ayyy Young, independent, yet has no job You can't tell from the way that I walk I don't slow down cause I ain't got no time Not to mention that I am half blind I don't expect nothing from no guy Don't play agressive because I AM shy But you'll never know my softer side From lookin' in my eyes...
LOL, let me leave them people song alone.
Next!
Damn D Love Me- NFL Boyz Heard this little ditty on the radio while I was visiting down south. Hilarious! Look it: Damn nigga she just love me Watch me ride by wanna f/ck me See me in the club wanna suck me guess that's why ya mama wanna f/ck me
ROFLDWL... why he had to bring mamas into the shit?
Rehab-Rihanna If that whole first verse aint the realest shit ever. We'll leave that alone. Cause I'm kinda in a good mood.
ok.. that's all. time to take the bra off and set the titties free.
