Farewell Simone

So I know I promised I'd write about the details of my wonderific, fantastical relations, but I cain't bring myself to do it. I just feel like its too personal.

There's something more pressing I wanna talk about.

I believe this will probably be my last entry.

Let's have some real talk.

If you've noticed, there's been a theme in the last couple of entries about how I've changed bla bla bla.

I think it keeps coming up because I'm just not the same gal I used to be. I've matured both spiritually and mentally. A lot of times I have the time to write, and Lord know DC gives a slew of material to write about.

But.

I just haven't because I feel conflicted about whether I should write about certain things or not.

I started this blog at a point in my life when I was in major turmoil. I was suffering from an anxiety disorder (agoraphobia). I was angry, sad, and just emotionally imbalanced. I pretty much had to learn to live all over again if that makes any sense. Because there wasn't much I could do, I leaned upon God, my imagination, the entertainment industry, sexual escapades,and creativity to pull me through a rough time in my life.

And thus, crazy, messy, silly Simone Dior dropped onto the world wide web not giving much of an eff about anything. The equivalent of my imaginary friend. The part of myself who wasn't afraid to say anything. What I needed when I needed it the most. An outlet.

This blog helped me to laugh at myself, interact with others, and see that life indeed wasn't as serious as we make it out to be. It even helped me to get published. It has indeed been a blessing.

It's just not really representative of who I am anymore. So. I've decided to let Simone go. I will miss the silliness, tranny-antics, and tee-hee-hees. However, this blog will remain because I need to read my blogroll n' shit. And who knows. Maybe Monie will make a special appearance from time to time.

trannyhugs, tranny kisses xo

i wish you all the best in 2011 and beyond.

-m.

It's Been a Long Time; I shouldn't have left you..

Muffinssssssssssss!!!

I have missed Blogger turr'bly! School and life done caught up to my ass. School is finally over, and I am glad to inform you all they will be sending my MS degree in the mail because this bitch Monie does not do graduation ceremonies.

Can't wait to frame that bitch and put it up in my living room though, aow!

Say hello to my adopted daughter ya'll:



I've decided to affectionately name this child in my head , "Lil Baby KeyLontay". I've seen her all over the web and facebook w/ no parent to claim her. Imma take her in. She can keep Byron and Dinka company.

Anywho, other than that, DC is DC...although right now I'm in Jamaica w/my fiancee' right now.

Yeah.. we've got lots to catch up on-- I promise to speak on this. Just know that I am insanely happy, the relationship is extremely healthy, my man LOVES me to no end,and I love him back. And I can't leave out the fact that he is fuckin' fine as hell. Like seriously, a lot of times I catch myself staring at him like , damn, I snagged you?? I adore him.

But back to DC.

Although I don't have no crazy club shit (only been once since I've moved), there are still tales of insanity though.... because my neighborhood is an interesting place.

We’ve got loads of teenaged gay boys walking around wearing booty shorts , boi pussies on display and shit.




hair flipped w/ tons of Pump it Up Spray



or Jerri curls



(yes, we have young boi-hos rocking jherri in 2010, clawdhe'pme please!)

and sometimes two strand twists.

I absolutely adore them for being brave enough to walk out of the house like this. Whenever I'm walking to /from work... or anywhere else, since I'm the Super Pedestrian out this mafucka... they make for great laughter.

We also have a teen tranny here in Southwest who is nicknamed “The Mayor”. I found this out at Open Mic Night at the library (keep reading)

And a baby nicknamed “Ay-ay”too … don’t ask.


This place is just…something else.

*blank stare*

Now let’s talk about the library for a bit. See, I've spent quite a lot of time there for the past few months, and every time I've gone in and left back out, I've been..welll... astonished for ack of better words.

Historically (and often in the present) libraries are a place of quietness where one can go to ready, study, think… quietly. But here in the SW part of the district, the whole “Shhh…this is a library” factor--- simply does not apply.

Like for real. Do not try to go there and get homework done because you will be interrupted by:

- Open Mic poetry from 5 til closing on Mondays
- (Tuesday and Thursday that m/f closes at 5)
- Wednesday is Chess Club and Movie Night from 6-closing , full with a pizza dinner, cookies, and fruit punch and it is LOUD, LOUD, AND MO’ MUTHAFCKIN LOUD.

Tuesdays and Saturdays were the only day I was able to get homework done which meant I’d have to wake up and be there for 9 am until 5:00 PM.

But it was still pretty loud:

- Random old bitch reading books and sucking old food out of her teeth *barf*
- Pre-teens and teens Myspace hoing it up.
- And just loud, loud, loud chatter

And one time an old man sitting at a table in front of me was kind enough to bend over and crank a fart so loud I thought the earth was going to move. He turned around, simply picked his shorts out of his ass and didn’t even bother to apologize. I was too through after that.

I will not go back....other than to pick out trashy hood novels like Brelon and Baldhead Marie to read for sheer entertainment. . Go'n and click dat dere and try to find her blog on that topic. You will fall the eff out.



I shall be back later w/ more updates though.

Ciao muffins!!

_monie!*

You Cannot Fall From Grace...

Hey Blogbabies!!

I finally got around to reading my October issue of Ebony with Whitney.

And dammit if I don't love her all the more!

Sidebar- Ebony outdoes Essence any day. I subscribe to both, but article-wise, Ebony writers are just on a whole nother skill set, son!

Anywho, I have always loved Whitney. From the time my dad got the first album where she had no damn hair

(wasn't no compact disc back then, lol)

til now.

Messiness and all. And strangely enough, the messier she became the more I (and many of ya'll too) adored her. Why? It showed that she is human.

The part that caught me the most in the article was a statement she made:

"...I thank him for chastening my heart, for never letting go. What I did sometimes... I went off and did my thing, but He never let me go"

Amen, Whitney.

She goes on to talk about her process of praying and asking God to correct what was wrong with her," to lift her so she could see her light again."

*Monie tears up*

I won't lie-- watching her on Being Bobby Brown was pure hilarity. I wasn't at all surprised that she could behave like that. First of all, she is a Leo. And!

Look at who she used to date.

Eddie Murphy

(crazy ass)

Darryl Strawberry

(cokehead ass)... cmon!

Ebony said that Whitney "fell from grace"

*Monie casts her infamous 'ho please' look*

First of all, cain't nobody fall from GOD's grace, which is the only grace that matters, ya dig? If you're a Christian you know that it is a free gift through Jesus Christ. The very fact that you can rise back after being so down bottom shows that it is impossible to be stripped of God's grace and his love.

This story affects me so much because it parallels my own.

C'mon let me show you the dark side of Monie. :)

I was diagnosed with Agoraphobia in 2007. Go'n and click that there if you don't know what it is.

It is the reason I had to move back home from the urrea. A combination of shit was going on in my life starting from like, May of that year.

Every month I seemed to sink deeper and deeper into depression. I had never been so unhappy in my life.

I stayed drinking. Like my entire purpose of drinking was to drink until I became so drunk that I could not feel anything and could not care about anything.
I stayed in the clubs like my name was on the damn lease.

And I never missed church on a Sunday through it all, lol.

Looking back, I think I always knew that even at my messiest I understood God sees it all and knows it all. I think it was also my way of trying to assure myself that if I did go, God wouldn't forget about me, despite my behavior.


So there I was I hanging out with T's hoodbooga ass, on the road to becoming a hoodbooga my damn self... and shit was just spiraling out of control.
But for some crazy reason I kept trying to convince myself that I was happy because I SHOULD be happy.

The week before my 25th birthday I felt like i had enough. I came home from work with the intention of committing suicide. With a Cheap bottle of Moet that was just sitting in my freezer and a huge bottle of Ibuprofen. I turned off my cellphone and plugged out my landline, ready to go!

Obviously, a bitch is still here, and I am so glad I didn't go through with it.

I won't go into all the detail, but in the middle of thinking about what it is that I was actually about to do... I knew it wasn't right. I knew it was not the way that I was supposed to go out. I remember just calling on Jesus over and over again until I was strong enough to pour the Moet down the sink. When I turned my phone back on my Mom was actually calling, and said she sensed something was wrong with me. Scary, huh?

So after that happened, one would've thought I'd start making changes. However, I was not in the right state of mind. Clearly. The one good thing I did was start my masters, but I continued with my usual madness. Drinking, partying. And I thought it was alright cause I was still going to church. I'd be at the alter every Sunday. Even started going to Bible Study. And hitting the club afterwards.

*Monie turns up the Temptations' "Ball of Confusion" on her radio*

Towards the end of September the panic attacks started.

Now, I 've dealt with panic attacks off and on for the past 9 years, but this time it was just turrbull!

And they'd happen in the strangest of places. The first time I remember getting one, I was drunk in the drive thru of Mc Donalds on Georgia Ave. After that, I'd get them on the metro. Even though I was only on metro for all of 4 stops, it felt like an eternity. I tried taking the bus, but then I started getting attacks on the bus. I got scared of being alone, and I swore everyone was looking at me crazy.

I felt like I always needed someone close to me, like,i stopped trusting myself to take care of myself. and that is one of the worst feelings you can ever have, let me tell you.

Thank God for Nikks who always used to come rescue me since I basically gave her loan of my car to the point it was like it was hers anyway :) And no matter what, she'd always come and get me. There is nothing like knowing you have a friend that is always there for you when you're in a situation like that.
One day I was basically stranded at work because I started becoming afraid of having the panic attacks. That's when I knew something had to give. I didn't want to keep having to depend on people, so I packed my things into storage, took Dinka cat, and moved on back home to NY by October.

I remember the last time I went to church in Maryland, I stood at the alter, just wanting God to work a miracle right then and there. But sometimes miracles are slow. However, there was an affirmation. After the prayer the Pastor turned to the whole congregation and told them God had something big in store for my life. And mind you, I was not the only one up there.

But ... things with me got worse before they got better.

The panic was becoming even more severe. I wasn't even be able to sit in a car to go around the corner. I would have to lay down on the floor in the back seat just to get anywhere. I was even afraid of being home by myself. I knew I had to go to therapy, so I went. That's when I was diagnosed with the Agoraphobia. It got to the point where I was housebound because I was so afraid, and because I was unable to do anything that made me even more depressed.

It took me 7 months, therapy, 2 Iyanla Vanzant books, and God to settle my behind down and realize I was in fact battling some shit under the surface.

First of all, I was damn angry. And I would spazz on my mom and my sister for the dumbest things at the drop of a pin.

But I realized why I was so angry:

In my eyes I felt like a coward for not being strong enough to stick it out, and that made me angry. I was angry at my parents for all the things they did and did not do. I was angry at some of my friends because I felt taken advantage of. However, what made me the most angry was that I never spoke up about any of it. I'd just repress it. I just started confronting my anger this year. Therapy has taught me that it's ok to be angry; that it will not drive you crazy, it's how you express it.

And worse,I realized that I did not love myself. I thought that I did, but I really didn't. People, understand that you cannot love yourself if you don't realize your self worth and don't speak up when someone is doing you foul. And you cannot claim to love someone else if you don't love yourself. How are you trying to go out of your way to please and love someone when you can't do it for you? The shit is impossible.

Now, when I came home, I had stopped going to church because 1, I didn't want to panic at church,and 2, I started thinking that God wasn't listening to me, didn't care about me anymore, and the situation was to be my fate.

*Enter imaginary donkey*
*Donkey brays: he haw he haw, ho*
*Exit donkey*

LOL

I mean, here it was I was getting worse. Eventually I started praying again. I even found it in my heart to talk to my dad after not speaking to him for 3 years. Then my mom talked me into going to church again last January.

Mannn... every Sunday I would cry at church. I mean EVERY SUNDAY. There always seemed to be something in the message that was speaking to me. But hell, I was crying like every other day back then anyway, lol.

Then around March I found a book that I had brought a lonnnggg time ago. Like, 7 years ago by Iyanla Vanzant, called One Day My Soul Just Opened Up.

I don't know why I hadn't read it before then, but I guess God knew I would need it eventually. It helped me so much. I learned so much about myself and confronted so many things that I didn't want to. Go'n and click that last sentence. Buy it, I guarantee you will see a change.

In May, I went on up to the alter at church, crying of course, and got saved.

*Monie, you sure don't act like you saved!*

Oh,but I am!

Being saved is recognizing Jesus is your savior. I have battled with myself long enough about how I behave and things that I do. I'm more into knowing and loving God and Jesus than abiding by religious rules and regulations. I have gotten the side eye plenty of time for wearing makeup, and exposing cleavage at church. I don't care what anyone has to say, God knows I think I'm sexy. Lol. God knows everything about me. We have a good relationship. He knows I'm silly. He knows my hormones rage. He also knows that I have a good heart and I try my best to be a good person to and help my fellow brethren/sisteren. He knows when I'm being good, and he most definitely knows when I'm being bad. He knows all that, and He loves me. Regardless.

These days I am so at peace. If you have ever not been at peace, then you know how much it means to have it. I understand that I am where I am meant to be at this point of my life. I can travel places on my own, and panic doesn't run my life anymore. I still feel anxious from time to time, but I know it will pass. Still working on my driving, but I know I'm gonna get there. And if I feel like panic is going to be so unbearable I embrace it, love it like an annoying little brother, pray, and worst case scenario, pop a Klonopin. :)

I have learned to love myself, both the good parts and the bad parts.

I know my self worth. And I don't hesitate to check folks anymore.

Fall from grace?

*Monie laughs heartily; startling Dinka causing him to run into a wall*

hehehehe

I never fell from grace. How could I ever?
How can any of us ever??? I am God's child. Me falling from grace is impossible. Whitney falling from grace...impossible! You falling from grace.... say it loud...IMPOSSIBLE!

He worked the best miracle that I could ever receive. He allowed me to know Him. It took 2 panic-ridden, stress-filled years to do so, but I wouldn't change a thing. Why?

It had to happen the way it did. I am stubborn. That's my nature. And had I not been brought to the lowest of my low, God could not have penetrated my mind and my spirit the way he had.

I'd still be one confused, drunken little child doing the Walk it Out in the clubhouse. LOL!

(Granted, I still drink, but I am a whole lot more sober these days. And as of August, I've stuck with the one drink minimum. Go me!)

I'm saying though... it's a process.

So even if I never go on to become world famous or do something iconic, that's alright.

You just read it...God has already done so much for me.

I've been delivered.

Just like Whitney Houston.

"We've got somethin' in common!"

LOL

*Monie reaches for her Kleenex*

And that's all for today.

Be blessed Blog Babies!

xoxomonie!

lax & late, but Dear God, I'm here!! Like Miss Cielie

...but dear God... I'm here!!!!

Hey my fellow bloggies :D

I feel like I've been gone so long. That damn UMUC is interfering with our relationship, ya'll!! So glad I'm only taking this one class this semester, cause honeys ...

*stomp*

I feel like I'm on the plantation.

Glad to read that most of ya'll are doing well. I do read; may not always comment, but I read from my reading list :D

In other events---
Fourth of July weekend was cool. Me and K hit up this club in the Hamptons, snuck into the VIP (I'm still wondering how) all because she wanted to meet Trey Songz. Now as some ya'll know, I was quite mad at Trey (click that there) , but after seeing how handsome he was in person, I'm a little more forgiving. In fact, I'd even add him to the "I'd Smash" list. And I shall... in the next edition. Stay tuned for that...

Facebook Drama
*Baptist Preacher-esque stomp and spin*

Lawd, lawd, LAWD!!!!

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiago out this mafucka, cause I have some questions!?

Oh, there she go. Carmen, sleuth this shit out for me, please!

So why did Old Head and his "woman" try to bring the insanity into Monie's world the other day via facebook?? This girl wrote me, pouring out her heart.

Now, if you can or can't remember, click that there) when I was first introduced to her she snubbed the shit out of me, so now it's funny that she's here spilling out her relationship woes to the kid. I won't post it all, because the joint was long as hell, but I feel really bad for her.

Apparently, Old Head is abusive, disrespectful, a cheater, and a liar. As per his woman, "he has a sex addiction, a fat bitch addiction, and has betrayed me in the worst ways"

Mnh-sha-na-na-na! Sojourner Truth they telling lies, and I'm glad the ho ain't mine!!!

I mean, I pretty much knew all of that except the abuse part. I have no love for an abusive man. None. I don't even want to speak to him anymore. After she wrote me, I called him to ask him what the hell his problem was, and he had not one valid answer. Then after I get off the phone w/ him he's emailing me telling me he wants to fuck.

Uh, I think not, Old Nigga.

He's one of them dudes that like to play childish games and make a woman feel insecure. All I can say is, God never makes a mistake. I am so glad I didn't end up in a relationship w/ his crazy ass. One of us would be seriously injured... and I'm not talking about myself.

What else.. what else?? Oh, yes, #4... ya'll probably won't be hearing about him anymore. We had a somewhat amicable parting via text message. I wanted to do it by phone, but, I wasn't wasting my phone bill on his ass.

Like a lot of you commented on the last post, he ain't shit. I'm taking Pop Pop's advice and "throwing water on him." He was just getting all kinds of out of hand and wreckless; talking to me out his neck. I can't do it. He's too damn far away to be causing drama. You can't tell these men that they have good cockgame, I swear. It gets to their head and they start acting like their dick is more golden than Michael Jackson's casket.

You could have the platinum dick out this mafucka, I won't tolerate it.

I might still fuck ya, lls, but I won't tolerate not being treated like a princess.

See, I'm like Ariel, I don't wear a crown. That's like, sooo retro! *rolls eyes* :D

So yeah, I require lots of attention, affection, compliments... all that good stuff. When I don't get that, I roar. I'm a Leo *shrug* and we're like that. Regardless or not if its a jump off. I treat my jump offs pretty well, if I do say so. References available upon request (kidding :D )
I talk to them like they matter, and sometimes I even hug them! Now since I was feeling #4 I gave him treatment a little bit above this. And look at what I get.

Someone bring the imaginary donkey from the back, please.

*Enter pet donkey*

Donkey: Hee haw, hee haw, bitch!*

Yeah, thanks.

*exit Donkey*

I guess I'mma have to keep shit real sub-standard the next time around. Hopefully there will be no next time around , and I'll be settled down. I'm claiming it.

Well, that's it for now, kiddies. 15 minute break, then back to my grind. Hopefully I'll have some tales from this weekend. Going on one of those Mohican Sun-Lobster Fest bus trips that leave from BK and BX. Should be a lot of interesting characters. :D

♥ Monie!

Testifyin' and what not

i'm leavinnn on a jet plane... but not to worry, i will be back next tuesday (if ya cared) :D Jamaica trip #2 tommorow. Not quite excited yet. When I step off the plane, that's when it'll kick in... if the Klonopin has worn off by then

*shrug*

This time I will be writing from abroad... because my mom bought me a laptop as an "your-almost-done-with-your-Masters" present:D

Looking forward to some relaxation on the beach, jetskiing, partying, all of that. Seeing my family. Not really concerned w/ boyfriend #4 right now. I dipped into his email again, and he's there writing to his old woman boo, telling her he misses talking to her and has been calling her like crazy. Rocko said it best:

"You just do you, umma do meee"

Because I am.

I was talking to Pop Pop on the i/m the other day and he pointed out that we (Boyfriend #4 and I) were both wrong for trying to lock down our body parts for each other when we really don't know each other to have that kind of relationship and trust.

*Cue in the soft & pink Wendy Williams music*

That Pop Pop is a wise man. We don't talk as much as we used to anymore, and we live quite far from each other now, however, I appreciate him for all that he's been to me in the time I've known him. Pop Pop is really good at telling people to get it together in a way that is calm and non-judgemental; something a lot of people (that I know) are not very skilled at. This works for me because under my psuedo-tough exterior, I'm quite marshmellow-like. Anywho, Pop Pop, I know you don't really read this as much as you would like to(haha), but thanks. I ♥ you... not in that "I wanna take your clothes off and kiss you in the mouth"-type way, hehee. Yes, even though you are sexy as hell. :D

*End music*

In other events...I'm a lot more calmer about my situation. I cried, prayed on it, and God told me that I am alright.

It's about to be one of those rare moments where my morals and values shine through:

God is real; never let anyone tell you otherwise. If you don't believe in him, well, that's your gripe. I'm not here to judge. However, I do pray that you DO come to know him one day. It's a beautiful thing.

It is my opinion that intuition is God speaking to you. Ever notice how when you don't listen to intuition, things go madly wrong, i.e. click that right there?

Anywho, there was one profound time when God whispered in my ear, and I am so greatful that I knew to listen because it saved my mother's life.

Kick back and grab your cocoa mug ya'll; story time!

When I was 15 (if I recall correctly; it's been soooo long) one morning I was dreaming that my mother was calling out to me. At the time she and my dad had their bed set up downstairs because we were re-doing the house. So, I woke up, went to the top of the stairs and called out "Mom?"

No answer.

So I chalked it up to dreaming; turned around ready to get back in the bed because it was still early, but something said "Go downstairs to your mother."

So I went downstairs to see my mother face down on the ground, with the alarm clock next to her; blood pouring from her mouth. Very scary, but for some reason, I didn't feel a lick of fear (which is very unlike my scaredy-cat ass)

I turned her over and sat her up. She seemed kind of in a daze, but thank God she was alive. I called 9-1-1 and then told my grandmother and sister to come downstairs. 9-1-1 told us to sit her up and put her legs up on a chair because it sounded like she had a stroke.

And that was exactly what happened. My mom was 43 years old at the time, and had a stroke. This is a woman who doesn't drink, or smoke, and was (still is) healthy and a stunning size 4 at age 55. Very reserved, and the opposite of me. The only tell-tale sign that she's my mama is that we look just alike. I'm just the fatter version, hehehehe

Her stroke was more than likely, naw, scratch, lets be honest, was a result of putting up with my father and his shennanigans and being a work-a-holic (because he never kept a steady job). Note to all, when something is draining you and stressing you out, WALK AWAY. walking away is not the same as giving up.

Anywhosit, I'm glad that I listened to the voice of God and went downstairs to see about her, because she probably would have not been here today. And I would probably be even more of a hot mess than I already am :)p

I didn't save her, God did. I don't take any of the credit.

I tell you allllladat to tell you this; if you take a little time to be quiet; to be still when you're thinking over your pressing issues, God will let you know what it is that you need to do.

Last week when I came back from the GYN and was told that I probably had a thyroid condition (in addition to being worried about the whole Dick Stress issue); I came home distraught ya'll. Bawling and the whole 9. I hadn't been reading my Bible regularly like I used to/should have been, but there in the face of a problem I ran to it.

I forget which passage I turned to, but the heading was "Do Not Worry". I read it, and then wrote out my prayers in my prayer book. When I turned back to read it again, I saw that it wasn't on that page anymore. I don't remember turning the page either, but I flipped back and found it. I understand that God was giving me a message; not to worry, and that everything was going to be fine. He said it, and I'm listening.

Amen.

So other than that, I'm still Monie. Still silly, crazy, expressing myself to the nth and learning and growing along life's journey.

To all my new readers, thank you for joining! I'm still checking you all out. I'm still in amazement that I started this blog the day after Christmas '08 and its got 128 readers since then.

Hopefully when I turn this mafucka' into a book ya'll will buy it :D

And before I leave you...

How much do I love Showtime on Demand for FINALLY putting "Why Did I Get Married?" on demand. That means I get to see Michael Jai White's sexy body whenever I want; rewind the shit, and just ooh chile. Look at 'im:

don't you just wanna put your arms under his and grab him all up on top of his shoulders, and thrust? Woooo chile! hehehee

besoskiddies!

monie

shorty be babblin'- Grad school, etc..

Grad school is harder than folks let on. How some of my friends have managed to get their Masters degrees whilst just living in the DC area I will never know. Everyday I marvel at how having to move back home to Borningsville, USA for a little while was a blessing in disguise. In. Deed.

I know I would have never gotten any work done while I was down there.

Well, I dunno maybe.

Because I for damn sure would not be doing as many online classes.

Being in a classroom setting is great because its filled with people that have logorrhea (yup; just what it sounds like, verbal diarrhea-- and many of them really do be talking shit, literally) and by the time all the incessant talking is done, the teacher forgets to even assign homework. At best, I had 2 papers in one class for the whole semester.

On second though... maybe the online is better.

If you follow me or know me, you know how I feel about babbling bastards who have nothing to say. In a nutshell, they should all be put on an island alone.

When I first started going to grad school there was this Ethiopian man who had an arguement for everything the teacher or anyone else had to say. He made me contemplate committing suicide every Monday nights from 7-10 pm. And for some strange reason, he took a liking to me. He used to offer to drive me home, but as tempting as it was; I never accepted. Because even though I had to wait on busses and/or trains to get home to Silver Spring-- meaning by the time I waltzed into my apartment it was quarter to 12---I would rather ride metro in silence and sometimes violence (ya'll know that Green line is dangerous).

If I had to evaluate my life again, I would so attribute many of the panic attacks to my commute and that Ethiopian man alone.

I digress.

These online classes be trying to break a bitch. Every other week there is a paper. I guess they're out to prove something. And I'm cool with that. I'm out to prove something all the time... but I don't try to kill mafuckas in the process.

Conspiracy? I dunno... I thnk it might be another one in my long list!

And while I do enjoy writing; I only like to write about mainly crazy/silly shit, hot dick and music. Oh, and liquor. Very limited, yes. Does that make me ignorant... I'm still undecided. :) Kidding.

School does in fact appeal to my intellectual side. I actually take pleasure in learning new things, and displaying my best work in order to get those A's that I do. PIus I am in love with marketing, branding, copywriting, and the whole bit.

2 more semesters, ya'll... this summer, and fall, and that's it.

The biggest celebration will commence after it's all said and done.

I shall either rent a party bus or tables at whatever club is popping down in DC at that time. I want strippers, alcohol, midgets, the whole nine. I deserve it. All of you in the DC metro area that read this are welcome to come along.

I was supposed to be using this hour for a break from writing my literary review, but instead I used it to write. How backwards is that?

I've been working all morning anyway. I think I'll treat myself to a Bali Hai clove and a hood novel. I don't know why I'd read, when I've been reading all day all night the past few weeks. I need new hobbies. :(

-xoxomoniexox0

Some folks are just friggin ridiculous...

I look at my phone...

and I look back and reflect on certain people and situations I've been in with them and come come to realize some folks are friggin ridiculous.

#4: In this life, you have to be careful how you treat people. Sometimes the folks you want to reach out to, you may not be able to because you've treated them like straight shit.

*I'm implementing this into my life rules; hence the "#4"

You cannot do the following to people and then expect them to be there for you:

1. mental abuse - - this is never good. you potentially run the risk of either getting the piss fire smacked out of you, or being on the receiving end of a whole gang of passive-agressive behavior. And while passive-agressive behavior gets a bad rap; personally, I like that shit. it's like the ultimate form of vendetta. *Lord, forgive me.
   
2. outright disrespect- - even though some folks are straight up less than (yup, I'm a classist); you still have to maintain respect. Especially if that person is your friend. You can't talk to them any old kind of way "just because we're friends" then expect that person to be down for you. The one you disrepect will be the same one who gets you set up to get that bad business. Trust and Believe.
   
3. theft- - please do not steal from anyone, and then call them a friend. Cause a chick like me will get drunk and tell everyone not to leave stuff around you, because you've attempted to steal shoes, jewelry, etc...
   
4. judging folks and being overly self righteousness- - this is never a good look. people want friends who accept them as they are. at least i do. don't get it twisted now: i welcome and appreciate you letting me know i'm slipping, but do.fucking.not.tell me what you would do if you were me, what i should be doing, who i can share my vaginal canal with.... none of that. don't do it.
   
5. abandoning a frienship-- you cannot proclaim that someone is one of your nearest and dearest friends, and then treat that person as if they don't exist until you know you're going to see them. I understand we all get busy (trust me, i know), but people know the difference between when their friends are busy and when they've forgotten them.
   
6. taking advantage-- this is the absolute fuck you to someone you call a friend. if you know a person can't but is willing because they love you; don't do it to them. and likewise, if you know you can't, don't be unfair to yourself and offer your help, money, clothes... vagina et cetera. It saves you a whole lot of headache. I learned this one the hard way.

By no means am I perfect. I've done shit, said shit I probably should not have, but after honest assessment, I know I've never deserved any of the above treatment. I let people treat me that way; up until fairly recently at that; because I wasn't loving myself enough. But now that I'm deeplymadlytruly in love with moi; the shit won't be going down anymore. I realize I don't have to be nasty and retaliate either. And I'm not cutting anyone off--- because who knows; one of those hos may be able to help me network and potentially gain money out this maf/cka (just being honest).

I am content simply placing such people on my Life Stove's backburner.

Put that in your pot and mek it bubble like SOUP! :)