life, more ashy penis, dirty panties, et cetera...

christmas day

christmas was cool. ya'll know i'm not big on the holiday in its commercial sense, but it represents God sending down the ultimate gift, his son... to eventually die for a sinner like me. and you, if you thought you were perfect. :) if that isn't love, then i don't know what is. so, thank you God for continual deliverance. thank you for these past 4 Christmases where I haven't had to listen to my dad argue with us so he could go spend time with whoever else. thank you for peace. thank you for JOY. thank you for allowing me to overcome and not be overtaken by the MISERY others want me to believe I should live in. *praise dance*

family ties

so...
the family came over... you know my cousin Opal and her bad ass kids i talk about from previous posts... yeah, them. woo lawd, they're something else. Opal demanded that everyone only eat one serving so that she could "take all the food home." and she literally did. all that is left is rice and peas and potato salad. you know you follow the doctrine of fatassedness when...

anyway her son, nick (my cousin who is in jail) we finally met his 9 year old son for the first time. he's so adowable! and sweet. he knew to stay out my damn way, and i love that! nick is 24 now, which means this child was born when he was 15... making opal a grandmother at 30. oooh, imma leave this alone, cause i could take it all types of places!

dicktalk
yeah folks, miss dickless (that's one of the many nicknames i call myself in my head) is back on the topic of 'The D'. Kia got one more time to brag on how good she's getting the pipedown..ooh!! Sometimes I feel like I'd smack her out of jealousy! So...she's carrying on a semi-scandalous affair. She's messing with her younger brother's best friend. Mind you, this best friend done slept with three of her other cousins; so he's like the family ho. *raised eyebrows*

Anyway, I went to borrow a bottle of Wray and Neph from her mom for my mom, and she's walking like she's got an egg between her legs that she's trying not to break.

Me: What's wrong with you? Why you walking like that?

Her: Girl! Little Rob... he was f/ckin me like he had something to prove!

Me: Was ya'll doing it in the car again? I sure hope not! It's too damn cold out here..

Her:Naw! He came over here on the late night. My cervix is hurting.

But I think it's cause I'm still sore from getting daggered by Mike.
*Blank Stare Blank Stare Blank Stare!*

Me: Damn son. Maybe if you try lifting one leg, it's all about the angle...

Bwahahahaa... guys just bear with me, ok? I know I sometimes talk about things that go against what I'm supposed to be doing, but please be patient with me. God is not through with me yet. (Love that song).

Anyway, after hearing the details about the daggering, I decided to get her opinion on the penis picture mail and whether or not she thought it was ashy.

She concurred, also thought he may have placed the tape measure at __ inches, and told me not to have relations with him if i decide to have premarital relations because I will be in pain the same way she is today. I told her I have no intentions of doing so. i want what they have before anyone inserts anything anywhere. see below:

Something for Nothing

You know, the penis picture mail is already threatening to cause problems. In this life you really don't get something for nothing. And in this case its really effed up, because I didnt even ask this boy for dickflix. He just sent them over to me and I looked because, well... MJ said it best:

And they say why why... tell 'em that it's human nature!

So yesterday I get a text from ASHford Dickson:

*ahahahaaaaaaaaahahhaa*

ASHford Dickson: Your turn for pics.

Nigga what?! No merry christmas, nothing, just that text. I didn't respond. I don't take x-rated pics of myself for several reasons:
01. the possibility of fame. i don't want anyone on my vh1 special saying:
"Aww *Bleep* I remember one time she text messaged me pics of her *bleep* and/or vagina"

02. i'd never send my vagina via sprint picture mail. too many pe0ple i know work for sprint. even though i'm sure they tell us its anonymous, i kinda feel like its not. i don't want anyone up at Sprint saying shit like:

"Damn. Her labia is mad long son!"
Even though its not... yaknawmean? No thanks.

03. i wouldn't want to put my vagina anywhere that close to my cellphone. i let people use my phone all the time. I don't want to be looking at them like 'Damn, my p/ssy juice might be smeared on the side of your face right now.' Euw.

.04. the possibility he'll show it to his friends... you know, the way I showed it to my friend.

05. In order for me to even ponder doing it... I'd have to be in deep love; and yes, this involves the man acually loving me back.

No Dutty Panty

Why outside my world (my bedroom) I hear my mom telling my little cousin:
*In mom's jamaican accent*
"You're not supposed to wear dirty panties! Don't wear a panty more than once. Your mother told me you do it; don't do it here. You mustn't wear dirty panty! "
(This is my little cousin that likes to run away from home from time to time with no clothes. When asked what she does for clean underwear she told us that she'll put her panties on inside out)
*I. Can't. Take. It*

Talk di Tings

Sometimes I feel a smidgen bad for talking about the folks in my life in my blog. But guilt is an evil emotion, so I do what my therapist tells me to do. I rationalize with myself. It goes like this:

I talk about myself in here too. Even the embarassing stuff. If they didn't do these things I wouldn't have to vent about them. It keeps me sane, and allows me to not have to compromise my christianity by telling this or that person, 'Hey, I really think you're an evil, cunt whore/and or/ miserable/and or/ jealous sack of shit' ...or however else I feel at the time I'm made mad.

Therefore...I'll continue to keep it as funky as my cousin's draws up on this blog. Thanks.

facebook rape
some days i wonder if i should just take my bumboclaat off of there. facebook, we used to be so good together. now, we have issues. folks, don't set up groups just to mail out invites. i have a good friend who is now a Kappa. His life revolves around getting drunk and partying, having sex with whichever girl will have sex with him--- and sending out conuntless invitations on facebook. Now all of that except the latter is fine. Now he's starting to intefere with my life. If I get another invite from this Naughty Nupe I'm gonna use that Blackberry pin number he's been posting as his status for the past week and get up in his ass. The shit is getting out of hand now. He's even adding friends of mine and harassing them! it's too bad he's my friend in real life, or else i would have been deleted him.
ok, i think that's all i wanted to press on. i'm gonna go work out. it's been like almost 3 weeks now. not good. i have to preserve my sexy.
in case i don't become famous and end up wanting to show my vagina on picture mail. hehehehehe

ciaobabies!!!