You Don't Belong In the Club House/ The Warm Pussy Hypothesis

Ya'll like that title, huh? Hot mess. Burning, stankin' scorching fiery flaming HOT MESS.


So, the girls and I hit Guesthouse.

Same ole shit. Voddy and Cran, dance, dance, dance. Seen a few niggas from high school looking wack and dry. You know, the usual.

But after leaving the club.. even while inside the club... I started questioning the shit (no pun intended) that was attacking my senses; particularly smell and sight.

Like- - -

Son, who shat in your mouth?!!!

Two dudes came all up in my face; breath smelling like Dragon Breath Bilal and shit (ya'll remember House Party), abscess-mouth stankin' mafuckas. Ill.

It's not right, man.

Don't people brush their teeth before they hit the club?

Dental hygeine is so sexy. Get up on it.

Instead of all that irrelevant ass bullshit they try to sell in the club bathroom like gel and combs, they should start peddling toothbrushes and toothpaste.

And carry some gum/mints with you to the club, dammit. Pop them after each drink, because as we all know, sometimes alcohol can make your breath rather tart.

Personally I like the BreathSavers 3- hour mints. They're quite magical. Maybe their magical to me because I brush my fuckin teeth unlike those nasty niggas up at Guesthouse.

I'm not even gonna get into the females. Naw, I lie. I shall.

A lot of them was up in there doint it alll wrong.

Size 18 Backyardigan in orange spandex mini dress, no Spanx or girdle underneath, with the rolls smiling at the masses. Seriously, they were grinning. When you have belly rolls, (assuming you have 2 like she did) it resembles a tight lipped grin.

That night... them joints were grinning like a chesire cat.

I can't... I just can't...

big bitches aint wearing their girdles, and it aint right. A lot of gals call them "punishment" , but you should be punishing yourself. It was you (and I) who did not push back from the dinner table. So now we do what we gotta do to be cute. Well,I can't speak for all, but I do. I love my Spanx. They were worth all $74 dollars to me, dammit!

Cheap Boots-- what in the BOGO Payless?

In my opinion there is nothing worse than a cheap boot. They can be spotted a mile away. Even heterosexual men know what a cheap boot looks like. And they are looking. Men like sexy shoes, don't be fooled. You may not wanna take that advice from me, because as we all know I aint got no man, and I swear dudes hate me...but this much I know is true.

"Your pussy look like its mad warm, yo!"

So after Guesthouse, we head to the parking garage to get ole Lexy (K's Lexus truck) and head back home... where we run into some of the most obnoxious dudes that I have ever interacted with.

Where were they from?

Harlem USA, of course!

What did one of them say to K?

"Your pussy look like its mad warm, yo!"

then his friend chimes in:

"Yo, she got them Ciara legs. Do that Promise dance ma!"

I had to walk away.

How does someone look like they have a warm pussy?

I wanna know which reptile he's fucking, because I assume he's experienced cold pussy from his statement.

I'm gonna construct a Warm Pussy Hypothesis

look at how Grad school comes in handy!

( my Research teacher would be so pleased!)

Aight, here we go:

Research Statement: K is a mammal, thus she has a warm pussy.

Independent Variable: warm pussy
Dependent Variable: mammal
Population: K

Hypothesis: All female mammals have warm pussy (in light of the fact their body temp is 98.6 F)

Alt. Hypothesis: Being a mammal means you have a cold pussy

Null Hypothesis: Being a mammal has no effect on whether or not K's pussy is warm.


*raises hands to the sky*

Lord, deliver them. They know not what they say and do!


I have to move back to DC posthaste. Cause this shit right here... this shit right here nigga...nigga... UNCOUTH.

Gnight ya'll.