Recappin' & Recoverin' from D'Piglett (D'Swine Flu's Baby Cousin).. sex and girdles and whatnot

So I came in from the JA last Tuesday sick as a dog, ya'll. I started feeling sick after that Thursday night in Jungle , but it wasn't so bad until Monday morning. I blame #4. Afterall, he was complaining of a sore throat, kissing me all up in my mouth. And I let him.

Hee haw, hee haw - Simone is a donkey. I know.

In other events--- #4 is thisclose from being kicked out the door. Lemme tell ya'll what he done did.

So, the last evening I was there I took my sister and him out to dinner since it was her birthday. After we finished eating, my other sister came up there w/her homeboy. Let's call the homeboy Sprite.

Because he's a thirsty ass mafucka. And I do not like the Sprite in him. :(
(Details to come later)

Anywho...so everything is cool, I walk off to the side to chitchat w/my crazy ass sisters, and Sprite stays at the table w/ #4. Both of them are on their phones, so I aint paying it no mind.

Eventually the waitress comes w/ the check, and I'm short the cash and they don't take debit card. So I asked #4 if he had the money , $740 Jamaican; which is probably about $5 US. He tells me he didn't have it, and what irked the shit out of me is that I knew he did because he was paying for the taxi to take us back to the hotel and to take him home. It wasn't even that serious, cause I would've given it back to his cheap ass. So Sprite takes out $1000 and gives it to me. Needless to say I was EMBARASSED. So everyone leaves and #4's cheap ass and I stay there since it was on the beach. I would've left his black ass there too, but the craving for dick was too strong.

I know, I'm a bitch in heat. Sue me.

Anywho, we gets it poppin' on the beach. This I did not plan for. Let me tell ya'll what I had on and you will understand why:

• A fitted tshirt


• some jeans


• my vintage Valentines Day Uptowns


• and under this lowkey get up, my Flexees girdle.
  

We'll call this segment of the blog:
Monie Gets Caught Out There Again- Reasons to Add More Situps to the Workout- A Short Story

My tummy is not flat.

*lone tear roll down Monie's left cheek*

It is the hardest place for me to lose weight, probably due to Cortisol and me being a stressbandit. In the meantime as I'm on this weight loss journey to go from a size 10 to a slender size 6 I opt to wear weight control "intimate apparel".

I'm talking girdles, ya'll. And Spanx too!

I have an assortment of these intimate apparel, and I hold them dear to my heart. My favorites are the Flexees because they reach all the way up to your bra strap so there's no backfat hanging out. I love my Spanx second best. I like to call myself a master of the girdle. I even know how to pee without taking 'em off! However, I haven't mastered fucking with them on. And here lies the problem.

Now, the Flexees girdle looks something like this, without the leg part.


Sometimes I even put something like this over the girdle or my spanx:

Why?
Because I'm a sucker for looking neat in my clothes. I don't like seeing bulges and rolls here and there. It's not cute. Yup. I said it.

"Pop off!!"
(Lls-- gotta love that Tanisha)

Anywhosit...usually if spontaneous trolloping should ensue, I'm somewhere with a bathroom so I can slip in there, take off Fantasia and Alexandria (my girdles) in private; give Pocahontas a bit of a wash, and get my P-poppin on. There's nothing sexy about undressing and taking off a girdle in front of a man. Plus men are sensitive and can't really handle that. They will have all kinds of questions, and you know I'm not in for the talking when it's time to get it crackin'. So for the sake of everyone involved, I de-girdalize in private.

Now while we were on the beach I was able to finagle the sitchy-ashun by standing behind the chair we bought out to the water. I just pulled my jeans and girdle down with one firm grip. That part wasn't so bad. The hard part came in trying to make sure I didn't put it on backwards. Luckily this did not happen.

Usually I have some kind of how-to for ya'll regarding donkey situations like this, but I haven't come up with a skill set to finesse taking off a girdle in front of a man. If any of ya'll know how, please share.

The End.

So anyway.... let's fastforward to the ride to the airport.

My sister and Sprite came to take Sissy Dear and myself back to the airport, and on the way to the airport Sprite starts telling us all how while he was on his phone #4 was on his phone talking to some chick, calling her "baby" and when the girl asked where he was, he said he was at work. I
*gasface*
I'm not even really pissed off at the fact that #4 is talking to other chicks; this is something I would have to be a dumb ass not to know, but for him to do it infront of other people.
More embarassment on top of the cheap stunt he pulled.
Needless to say, I wasn't feeling this situation. I was so sick from D'Piglett after flying and all that, that when he called me I didn't have the energy to ask him about it so I told him to make sure he called me the next day so I could ask him something.

He calls me the next day and I asked him about it ever so casually, like I didnt have a care in the world. He gets quite vexed saying how the girl he was on the phone with was one of his co-workers, and everyone calls everyone babes in JA, and that he never told the girl he was at work and it sounds like my sister and Sprite just want me to be with someone else, possibly Sprite.

I didn't even push it, but he starts acting funny style to me like I did something to him.

*enter my imaginary drag queen Trannyque; she got somethin' to say about this*

No, no, no bitch, that is not the way it goes. Monie ain't in for all that!

*snap, snap, neck roll and exit Trannyque*

So yeah. for the rest of the week he was being quite short with me. One time he even came out his face and told me he didn't really have anything to say to me and that I should go to sleep or do homework because he's about to go do some "man stuff". I was so in shock that I couldn't cuss him out properly.

So I read his trifling ass via text; something along the lines of I'm not feeling his fucking attitude and that I am not the one to chase after no nigga, so if he doesn't want to be bothered, cool. He called me that night and I didn't answer. I had my sister call him back, pretending she didn't know his number and to tell him that I was out at the club, which he hates. Now he's all apologies and niceness. Whatever. He can go blow in the wind. We live too far from each other for him to be a thorn in my side. I need this nigga to understand he is vacation dick. ugh.

And I don't even know who/what to believe because Sprite been calling my phone trying to holla at me AND CALLING MY SISTER TRYING TO HOLLA AT HER as well! And I found out that nigga is married. Needless to say, I throw him to voicemail.


Homewrecker, I am not.

Homewrecker is she though...

Hehehe, I know.. I'm a bitch.

So that's what it is for now. I'm gonna be really scarce for weeks to come. Coursework is a beast!

xoxoxmonie!