Bitch, Ask Your Husband!

Hey Blog muffins!! I can't even recap the Ohio trip, because the following fuckery occured and trumped its importance. I give to you:

Bitch, Ask Your Husband-- Don't text me with the bullshit. Enjoy!


Let me hit you with the following excerpt from a traditional wedding vow…



Marriage is the union of husband and wife in heart, body and mind. It is intended for their mutual joy – and for the help and comfort given on another in prosperity and adversity. But more importantly – it is a means through which a stable and loving environment may be attained.



Through marriage, Ho Ass Nigga and Illiterate Ass Ho make a commitment together to face their disappointments – embrace their dreams – realize their hopes – and accept each other’s failures. Ho Ass Nigga and Illiterate Ass Ho will promise one another to aspire to these ideals throughout their lives together – through mutual understanding – openness – and sensitivity to each other.


Now, my name ain’t Ho Ass Nigga, and it fa sho ain’t Illiterate Ass Ho, so why do I get asked the following fuckery by Illiterate Ass Ho in the wee hours of the morning??


Picture it:

2:27 am; your insomniac ass awakes to see the following text message coming from some trollop-ass nigga that gave you his number:




“Helo mo y are you textn my husband at 3 am”


* Everybody all together now, chime in audience style: *

“BITCH, ASK YOUR HUSBAND!”

*Family Fued style *ding! * goes off*

Ughhh!!

There I was, not only aggravated by the illiteracy of the text message, but aggravated because she is asking me why I’m texting him.

Now my first reaction was to text-thug the bitch and read her.

The old Mo would have set the QWERTY keypad on fire with something like:

“Because he likes me. He thinks I’m sexy. You should see me. I totally agree.”

or

“What the fuck? You need to go ask your man why he’s texting me back at 3:02 in the morning. He gave me his number, and seems to be unaware of the fact that the two of you are married. You should have a talk with him, and I should not be included, as I am not apart of your marriage union. Clearly, there is something amiss in your relationship. Don’t call or text my phone either because I ain’t responsible for how you're going to feel when we get done talking.”

Not too mean, but nasty enough to warrant drama, which is something I want no part of.

However, therapy has taught me to wait a while before taking action, since I am an impulsive mafucka.

So around 2:30 I politely text back:

“Hello to you…wow! Because he didn’t tell me he was anyone’s husband. Since that’s the case, he can lose my #! Thx!




After all the nice little vows he agreed to, she should be asking him, not me. I don’t owe any explanations because:

I did not take any vows

I didn’t exchange any bodily fluids with him – particularly because he didn’t meet my “looks requirement”... plus it was the week of the 12th-- ya'll know what that means!

Jagged Edge was not playing while I was meeting anyone at the alter in my white dress

My ring finger- nobody has yet to like it enough to put anything there.

Bitch, I don't know you! ( which should be #1 on this list)




I try my best not to home-wreck; I really do. When this woman’s husband was talking all kinds of shit to me, calling me “his wife” (what irony!) I asked him specifically HOW MANY WOMEN did he have. He said he had none. Of course I didn’t believe this, but my thing is this:

Don’t lie. Be honest. Honesty is the biggest turn on next to a big dick and a smile.

There’s plenty of women out there who don’t mind fucking with married niggas (not me).

There’s a vast sea of mistresses out there just waiting to get slayed on a mattress at the Comfort Inn. Just not me.

I think I'm going to call him one last time and refer him to my rules on how to step out on your woman. Go'n and click that there.


I shall also let him reference my supplement Stepping Out: How to Avoid Being A Donkey Click that there when you're done!

Smdh!! Contrary to popular belief, I’m a good girl-- for the most part. It’s just that something about me screams side bitch to these dudes. It might be the things I say. Could be the way I dance. Maybe I got that ho- walk? Either way, I shall discuss this at therapy. And this my friends, is why a bitch can’t ever cease sessions.

Reference:
http://www.weddingplanninglinks.com/planning/traditionalweddingvows.html


ps- to my new followers, thank you!! i shall be reading up and subscribing to you guys!! xoxox monie!