Dick Stress, Dick Retirement

Hey Blog Muffins!

I know; I've been scarce. Between school work, stressing, prepping for JA vacay Part II, and other little stuff....life's been busy.

My Gripe:

So when we last left off in this soap opera that is my life (aka The Young & the Reckless, lol), I was supposed to go to Planned Parenthood to get my exam and STI panel.

*sigh*

Can we just say that I do not appreciate Planned Parenthood playing with my vagina? They called me like the day before to tell me they had to reschedule me because the doc/nurse practicioner wouldn't be in that day. It kind of worked out to my benefit though, because I found a gynecologist that lives practically around the corner.

All week I stressed myself out wondering if I had this or that STI. I spent majority of my free time watching The Golden Girls, eating ice cream cups, drinking glass fulls of Very Vanilla Silk Soymilk ( trying to combat the fat with Alli Pills) and googling STI's and their symptoms.

Why?

Because I am a hypochondriac.

Between all the stress and sweets I wound up with this big ass zit on my forehead. I just can't wait for tommorow to get my exam. I'm still praying everything is okay. I haven't spoken to D/m either. I don't think I'll ever have relations with him again. He turned me ALL the way off with those cheap, triffling ass Durex condoms.

....buuuuut then again, I've sworn up, down, and sideways that I'd never smash that again...now here I am... worried about my health and my vagina. I could beat my self.

On another note...

I'm already considering hagning up my pimp jersey. Even though I've barely gotten started.

Matter fact, I'm gonna just retire from dick (after my vacay, lls)

There should be like, an AFLAC for dick retirement.

Call that joint Dflac. You should be able to receive:

• monthly/ bi-monthly checks (depending on how dick-deprived one is) to be used on toys, antidepressant co-pays, and food
• stuffed duck keychain
• some type of membership award club card for not getting dicked down.

Duck, duck, goose, bitch :D

Folks, we need to see about making this official.

I'm just gonna put Pocahontas on lock, maintain this pace I have going with my school work, party, and enjoy my summer, dick-free.

I cannot handle having two sexual relationships.

I ain't built for this shit.

It's too stressful.

I think a big part of me went through with slaying D/m because I felt like I needed insurance dick or possibly, get-back dick.
Let's define 'em:

What's insurance dick?

Insurance dick is like get back dick, only it happens ahead of time, before a dumb ass gets to hurt your feelings, break your heart, cheat on you first; you know, stuff like that.

Get back dick is when ole boy fucks up and you feel the need to be vengeful. So you ride the next dick in hopes to feel better.

It works.

Sometimes.

Anywho, I never used to invest in insurance dick, but after being hurt time and again, there have been two times I just had to take it there. I'm a Leo; we like revenge...what can I say. This is something I've been working on.

Dear God,

I'm trying. You know I am. Help me to be better. Amen.

I digress-- so yeah. When I saw that B/f #4 was getting his little email mack on, I was quite vexed. Consequently, this did play a role in me smashing D/m... so much to the point that while I was enjoying the artform that is cunnilingus, I was simultaneously reveling on the fact that I was getting mine, and b/f #4 was now on the decietful end of the stick.

Even though I put myself in fool situations sometimes, I hate being played for the fool. Quite oxymoronic, I know.

Maybe I'll continue to juggle and not have sex w/ any of them? I'll sort this out at therapy this week.

Decisions..decisions...

If only I could meet one normal, sane man that actually likes me. That would cut out 1/3 of my drama! Maybe one day I will be so lucky.

*shrug*

Anyway, I'm gonna go get some rest. Tommorow's my big day :D

xoxomonie!!!