Yeah, I Got It In, but...

So Friday night, I did not end up at Prime. Ya'll know what that means, right?

Yup! Trollopfication.

*sigh*

K. didn't have a babysitter (as usual-- which is always the reason plans get left abandoned), so I was set to stay in. Earlier in the day D/m had text me, and left things open, so I wasn't really looking to see him:

Him: Hey Miss *Enter My Last Name*

Me: Hey Mr. *Enter His last name

Him: Whats going on miss?

Me: I should be asking you...

Him: Y u say that

Me: Aint you supposed to service my parts?

Him: You are up for inspection, aren't you?

Me: Indeed. I hope I pass..it's been a while

I don't hear shit from him til eight hours later. As we all know, I don't deal with the fisher price-romper room type of games when it comes to getting my shit off.

So I text him at 9-something:

Me: So...

Him: Just awoke from my afternoon nap

Me: What a long nap. You was drankin??

Him: Now y would i be doing that? Are you in for the night?

Me: Well, so far I am. u?

Him: I am if you tryna see me

Me: I told u i was tryna see u from last week. Stop playing hard to get and shit :)p

Him: Cool, u dressed?

Me: I will be in 15 minutes

(I had already started my shower/shave/scrub procedure from when I first hit him with the text around 9. Talk about being sure of yourself, smh)

Him: ok

Me (about 10 minutes later): Ready when you are

Him: Ok, be there in like 10

So a whole half hour passes (damn, I hate CP time), and he texts me that he's outside. I head out, get in the car, and we head over to his place which is not far. We get in there, of course he's talk, talk, talking away. We talked for an hour and half (yes, I kept my eye on the clock) about basically nothing. So I start getting restless, and ask him if he has anything to drank. He's got rum and coke, I tell him to go get that shit and commence to taking off my pants.

So I can be comfortable while having my drink.

*blank stare*

Also, from past experience I know that if I don't take off my pants, more incessant talking is sure to come.

So he gets back, pours the drinks, I get on the bed, kill my drink and tell him lets get it in.

We won't get into all the lovely details, but I will say being on the receiving end of head for two 45 minute-plus sessions is fantastic.

What is not fantastic is when the condom breaks. :(

After he gets up off me and goes to the bathroom I check myself and see that Pocahontas felt extra wet... so I knew what was up.

We ended up getting into an arguement that went like this:

Me: Did the condom break?

Him: Yeah. It ripped on the side.

This simple Simon mafucka comes back to me holding up the ripped condom.

Me: Shit! Go get me a rag and a towel. Quick! I don't want no fuckin' kids. This is all your fault. You know your dick is too big to be trying to use some Durex condoms.

Him: What?!

Me: Yes, you heard me. Did you get them joints for free or something? Don't you usually have Magnums? I know its a recession and all but damn. I ain't trying to catch no diseases or have nobody's kids.

Him: Me neither. It's not apart of my 3-year plan.

He gives me the rag and towel

Me (inspecting it): Is this clean?

Him: Why would I give you some dirty shit?

I didn't answer him that becuase niggas are trife like that sometimes, and also, I had to get to the important matter at hand: scrubbing Pochahontas with the antibacterial soap and warm water and then peeing.

(As I am typing this I am still pissed. I knew I should've kept my black ass home, I knew it!)

It's a good thing I'm going to Planned Parenthood for my checkup on Wednesday.

Anywho, I go back to his room, and we're in the bed having the whole "disease/pregnancy" convo in more detail. I won't go in. After that I decided that I should dig up old shit and ask him about the time he dissed me when we were kids, and that I still felt salty about it after all these years. He said he didn't think it was a big deal because I never actually told him I liked him, and he just thought we were like best friends, and that he was hearing rumours that I was messing w/ this other kid, in which I had to let him know that it wasn't until after he pulled that stunt. He still disagrees, and is shocked to know this was the reason I didn't talk to him for so many years.

Whatever.


[If I had 20 bucks for the times I've crossed that friendship line with my male friends... I'd be about $60 dollars richer (lol) because they always hit me with that "I didn't know you like me" bullshit. ]

Naw, nigga, I'm just fucking you/kissing on you (etc) because we're such close and good friends.

*Monie kicks all three boo-not-nots from her past in their hind parts*

Smh.

Anywho, I demanded that he apologize to me, and he did. Verbally and... otherwise. Hehehehehe

Needless to say, we ended up exhausted and falling asleep til about 5: 15am.

Waking up, I realized there is indeed a negative side to Daylights Savings time.

During the winter months, one is able to carry on trollopcy til about 6:30 am because it's still a bit dark. Not when Spring rolls around! You better be headed home in the four o' clock hour else you might be spotted. And if your house is set up how mine is, where your bedroom is next to your moms, it sucks.

Because my hair looked like the Rocky Horror Show.

And it just so happened that she was awake because someone tried to break into the house and the police came because the alarm went off. I'm not sure if she saw my shitastrophic hair while I sprinted to my bedroom, but she didnt say anything.

*shrug*

Anywho, because of the damn Durex breakage, I can't even revel on the greatness that was sexual relations that night because I am a hypochondriac. I should have listened to that voice of reasoning when I went to target and waltzed past the condoms.

There were a whole slew of Mags just there for the taking. But because he always used Magnums before (and we ALWAYS use condoms) I just assumed that he was brand loyal.

Apparently not. Now I'm the donkey in the spotlight hee-hawing. Ugh!

Dear God,
Please let me be STI free and not pregnant.

*Sigh*

Later Muffins! I'm going to get a nap in before I start my lil partime hustle.

xoxoxmonie!