Summer's Eve Is For Your Vagina...and Other Realizations

things that this vacay has taught me about myself thus far:

i ain't meant for relationships/roomates. i know i always hem and haw about wanting one... but i'm selfish about certain shit. for one:

- i don't like anyone smoking up my cigarettes, leaving my ciggy case with like 3 ciggs in there.

sure, share the cancer and all that, but dammit, if you're not chipping in, go find your own, per Napoleon Dynamite.


It never fails! Every time I put my cigarette case down, #4 swipes more than half. What the fuck? Have some consideration!

and for two:

-don't use my Summer's Eve thinking its Body Wash. It's not. That shit is strictly for my vagina hole.

Lemme explain. I have a process for washing my vag.
Go'n and click that there. If you wash like this I PROMISE you, you're coochie will never smell off. You could be out all day and it will smell perfect. Unless you got some kinda infection, and in that case, I can't help you there. Planned Parenthood is where you should take your stankin coochie.

Anywho, Summer's Eve usually lasts me like 2 months.

I'm in the shower this morning, done washed the outer part of my coochie, and reach for the Summer's Eve and it feels awfully light. So I'm cracking up laughing and partially pissed because this could only mean #4 been bathing with my Summer's Eve.

Today we went to the Supermarket and I bought some more because I can't live without it. And of course they ain't got the Berry Bliss one for sensitive skin.

To top all this madness off they keep things like this behind a counter with a clerk so I have to ask if they sell Summer's Eve. Wtf????? But I had to buy it cause my vagina's PH would probably go haywire without it.

When we come back to the suite and we're unpacking groceries, I go to the bathroom to get my almost-empty bottle of Summer's Eve Berry wash.
Cause it's obvious I gots to school this nigga.

Clearly the Summer's Eve commercials don't come on in the JA cause he would have known.

*Monie holds up the bottle of Summer's Eve*
Have you been bathing with this?

*#4 looks at me like I'm stupid*
Yeah.

Me: It's for your vagina
*insert hysterical laughter*

#4...he's an adamant mafucka...

#4: No it's not! The one you bought is not the same. It doesn't say that on the bottle.

Me (still laughing): it's the same. this one is for normal skin. but summer's eve is for vagina. use the Avon body wash please. Thanks.

Other shit I realize:

-I hate food shopping with men. They always wanna buy the entire store and cook like they're cooking for 7-10 people and not 2.

- What is the point in being bunned up if dude aint gonna tell you how fly you look whenever you go out?

- Even though I have Jamaican background there's clearly some shit that doesn't transfer over the culture barriers.

Story time!

The other day I get a call in the room and its the chef here asking for #4. So I tell him he's at work. So while I got him on the phone I ask him if he has a trash bag and he says yeah, come for it. When I get there he starts talking about #4 saying that's his friend and whatever.

So somehow we got on the topic of cooking and I was telling him that i was making dinner and he asks if he can taste my hand (can he taste the food). No big deal; I run him up a plate and go get on the internet.

So I mention it to #4 later that night and he got PISSED. Like, I have never seen him this pissed. He's like how anyone could tell me anything and he don't know the guy like that and I know all his friends and how my head is light (basically saying I'm an airhead). So I tell him he's making a big deal of nothing, and go to the bathroom. He comes into the bathroom after me and says:

"I'm checking to make sure you're not in here cutting your wrists. Cause I know you're crazy."

Yup. Pause and light a cigarette.

So I say to him:

"You better get the fuck away from me before I cut you."

Him (mad): What??

Me: You heard me. Why would you even say that shit to me? Where am i supposed to get a knife from anyway

Him: Cut me? I will shoot you.

He starts going off about how too many of his friends have died at the hands of a woman. I'm not surprised. If they were anything like him...mhn

Me: Do it then.

So we get into arguing again and I'm telling him he's basically mad at me for something I did that I didn't even know was wrong. We both go to bed. I wake up; I'm over it, but he's not. He's ignoring me the whole day.

So I wrote him a letter since he refused to talk.

Him: What is this?

Me: A letter.

#4 proceeded to set my letter on fire and throw it in the sink.

Yup... pause and drink some water.

So by now I'm upset to the point of tears cause I'm angry. So he comes to me and says "If you want to talk, talk"

So I'm basically telling him that I thought dude was his people cause he called the room. Why would he give out the room number if it was some random person. He calms down a bit after that and says:

"The guy saw me go to work today. Called to me and everything. So he must have other reasons why he's calling up there"

I'm like , hell how would I know all that. So after we clear that up he tells me he just needs some time and space. Cool, whatever. The next day he comes home from work and he's telling me how much he cares about me this that and the third. Bla bla blaaaah

Whatever.

That happened Tuesday, and things have been cool since. He took me to Margaritaville and a few other clubs since then so we're alright now.

Boy this shit I put up with for the love of nightlife and multiple orgasms...

Other than that... I guess I'm alright. We went out last night and had a good time after his weed fit. He has a serious weed problem. I lost his weed and he was acting like a fucking head case. I asked him if he was going through withdrawal. He got mad and took a shower in the dark.

Probably with Summer's Eve. Lmao

This afternoon we had a ball talking about music and I realized why I liked him in the first place. Cause the past few days I had forgotten.

So yeah...shit like this is why I can't be in a relationship. I know ya'll are like, duh Monie, clearly he aint relationship material. Yup, I totally understand that. But it's just a lesson that you have to accept people for their quirks and strange behaviors along with the good parts.

I can't do it.

I just can't...

later blog babies. i got some subscribin' to do! :)