My name is Simone, and I am a Spinster Bitch..who ain't doing shit today!

i am burnt.
the. fuck.
out.

i'm frazzled!! i've been working non-stop off of minimal hours of sleep so that i can get all this shit done before heading to jamaica, but dammit.

a ho cain't take no mo', for the rest of the day...

I AIN'T DOING SHIT!

• I'm gonna do 90 minutes of Taebo (maybe)
• catch up on some more blogs (yesssssss!)
• order something italian and yummy (definitely)
• read a trashy hood novel (fo' sho) and
• watch Stringer Bell and Bodie (mmmmhmmmm :-)

on another note: thank you Rio Tapatio for your blog award. It sooooo made my heart smile:-) i'm always a bit shocked to know that folks are entertained by insanity, lol. i enjoy your blog as well. it makes me wish i were more artsy. fab. and kewwwwl... just like you.

thanks again!

Spinster Bitch: My Worst Fear- A Short Story

I am terribly, disgustingly completely lonely.

Yeah, I said it. No shame in my game anymore.

It has been approximately 5 years since I've had a real relationship. And actually; he was so wack and dry... I don't even consider him.

Of course I've had my fuck buddies, the ones that have used me up and whored me out, lol. and those who claimed to be my man but really weren't--after, in between, once, during...hey, i believe in insurance dick.

Anywho, the point is I'm 26 (shit, round that off to 30 if you'd like) and I have yet to have a serious relationship. EVER.

I think it would be good to have one.
Especially since everyone's getting paired off and having kids. Because that leaves me with no club partners, no drinking buddies, basically no social life. I don't do the third wheel bullshit and my friends' boyfriends have wierdos/psychos/ugmos for friends.

(I don't know what I'm gonna do when I move to DC)

I refuse to have an ugly man. Tried it. Hated it!

Not a good look for me or my forehead. He was so homely I had my eyes squeezed shut the entire time (which felt like forever) to the point I had a headache and a slight crease in my forehead. Ain't that much Oil of Olay and Visine in the world! So even though he was a sweetheart, and would have given me his whole homely little world...
I couldn't do it. So I deaded that.

But...

Am I gonna be that old bitch in the club? Like Kerri Washington in I Think I Love My Wife (sans the overbite, of course)?

I have a sneaking suspicion that's going to be me. And it scares the shit out of me, I can't even lie. I feel like I'm gonna end up just like that. Being fabulous, but opting to marry someone boring and safe, who stimulates absolutely no part of me. Just so that I don't have to live alone in my old age with Life Alert.

Or God forbid, trying to homewreck some married man's relationship!?

Dear God, please don't allow this to happen.

I think about this almost everyday (even when I'm not menstrual) and it makes me terribly sad :-(

I can't front.

I'm one heck of a gal, and it sucks that no one may ever get to know it. *sigh*

My therapist and I agree that I'm extremely picky, and she says that's ok.

I agree with her.

Sheeeeeit, I've been through too much shit to allow some basketcase bastard to come into my life and fuck shit up. Even though a bitch has "coping skills"... I don't feel like using them all the time. LOL Seriously though; I've been through enough. Besides, somebody's gotta be the level-headed one in the relationship!

We think (lol @ "we" ; like she and i are a couple-- hell at this point, we might as well be) that I should consider online dating when I get my driving skills back in order.

(I have a panic disorder, so my driving is very limited)

There's no public transportation here after 6, and I don't trust nan nigga to take me home after I was date raped while I was living in MD.

So get this lameness-- I practice driving to and from Applebees in my town. When I get to the point where I can master driving without feeling afraid or having to drive with someone, then I can join match.com and date.

It makes me laugh to even think that this is what it has all come down to.

And I laugh so that I won't cry that this is what it has come down to.

I'm actually getting sleepy now. I haven't slept since yesterday 8 am.

Probably why I'm putting myself all on blast like this. Oh well.

*shrugs*

later gators :)

wish me luck in cheering up later. thx!

monie xo