Sex In the City? Bullshit On the Town,The Black & Bling Affair, Memory Lane and Back Again, Wack and Dry - Recap

Last week was pretty nifty. Busy with consulting stuff and school, so that's why the posts are a bit scare. This shall make up for it though. Get your reading glasses, cause its about to be long. :p

Sex In the City? Bullshit On the Town The Black & Bling Affair, Memory Lane and Back Again



So we went to Level IV in the city last night. Cute little spot. One of K's custys has a bday party, so there were a few people from around our way in the building. Last night I was getting my little rockstar-fresh on. Got a new haircut, very sexy-androgynous.. so of course I had to pair it off with something to match the new look. I looked fly, my shoes were so damn fierce even dudes were complimenting me on 'em, so that's always a good thing... especially when I see an ex pop-off. Because even though I don't want him, the Leo in me loves to show a nigga what he wants but what he can never ever have again in life.


Woo chile, sidebar:


Even if I were to ever consider giving up my new-found virginity... even though the sex with him was great (he was a true whore-- one day I'll talk about the time he put his whole face in my butt crack--reason 168 i can't respect him) he is just sooo corny. And of course he was corny as hell last night, in addition to looking extra short.


Let's take a little trip down memory lane really quick so I can tell ya'll the history of how I came to eventually fuck this short ass nigga.


*Feel free to get into your Pharcyde-Back-In-The-Day groove*


He was my first puppy love. We were very close in 7th & 8th grade; like best friends. We wrote letters to each other everyday about any and everything, I did his homework sometimes (dumb-bitchassness), bla bla bla. So naturally I came to like him because he was my close homeboy. In my little 12 year old mind, the fact that we meshed so well was the best reason he'd make a good boyfriend. Plus, my growth spurt hadn't hit then, so I was proabably about his height. Matter fact, I'm sure of that. I've liked tall men since like the beginning of time.


Anywho.


When eighth grade came around, we were still very close. He joined the football team, and I joined cheerleading just to cheer him on. I was really liking him but I never told him, because, that's was (and still) aint my style because I'm very afraid of rejection.


Fast Forward


So, April-May-June rolls around. And if you can remember back to Middle School and High School, that's when you're just antsy as hell and your hormones are raging.


I forget which one of us decided that he should start coming over the house before my mom came home, but he did. he used to come over to the house after school from 2:45 to 4:00 pm sharp, feel me up, leave Lifestyles condoms under my mattress that we never got to use, and then ride home on his bike. I thought we were going to really end up together, because I was letting him feel me up several times a week, and we were still thick as theives. but he dissed me on the class graduation trip to Splish Splash for some girl that was not cute. she was actually fucking, so in his mind, ugly or not, he wanted to stick his dick in something besides my hand. I was really upset about it because this same girl another boy I used to like, dissed me for, so when he decided to mess with her, I was furious. I remember feeling plain terrible after the class trip, going home, trashing my room like a damn lunatic, crying my little heart out.

And that was the end of me dealing with him. (In fact, I didn't speak to him again until we got to 11th grade) Eventually I brushed my little shoulders off, and had a new little 9th grade boo in the next few weeks that lasted throughout that summer. He dissed me too. Only this time I wasn't so mad. I just swore off men for 3 years.

And its been the trend of my life with men since then.
That means, technically, if history repeats itself... I should be getting dicked down in two years or so.

*Shrugs*


So, up until HS graduation I hadn't seen Drunken Munchkin til about Summer '07 at K's Leo Bday party. He was still handsome, but shorter than I remembered. But his whole shoulder-pecs area was looking right through his shirt. So I fucked him for the sake of unfinished middle school business. Do not believe the hype about short men not packing. He must have had the biggest, heaviest dick I've ever had. It was like, paperweight heavy! I am convinced that this is where all his height went. And he gave the meanest head game I have ever experienced. That shit was vicious! Shame and scandal!


*fans self*


Anyway, we had a very nice little arrangement for a while when I moved back home, but I got my spiritual life in order so that all came to a halt.


Plus I wasn't trying to go there with him anymore because he admitted he had a girl a while after the fact that we were doing grown folks dancing, and then after such time he wasn't able to do his whore-duties everytime I called. If there's one thing I don't like, its an unavailable dick. It's on the top of my pet peeves list. So yeah. We stopped. He'd still (still does) try to get at me, but its harmless since I don't see him often.


Back to the present...


So anyway, K, Chan, Femi, and myself get up in there. Make our rounds, and I see ex-pop off's little brother (we'll call him Obese... because that's what K called him last night... to his face. Lmmfao, I love that girl) who is about to get married, as are the rest of their little crew who were there, so immediately I knew Drunken Munch (no pun intended, lmao) was there. The club was small so of course I see him, looking shorter than ever. He's all up on me, talking about I can't believe I let you get away; you were a good one, you frontin' now bla bla bla and then proceeded to do some nasty sexually suggestive thing to my hand which I can't even describe. Euwwk.


So I nicely let him know I was still celibate, planned to stay that way, and asked him how was his girl. Of course he didn't respond. So I got away from him, and ordered a Remy and Grand Marnier (not my usual choice of drink, but sometimes when I'm having trouble telling people to get lost, cognac allows shorty to get loose, and say everything I've ever dreamt of). Which I did a few times he did try to make convo with me again.


I didn't do too much dancing.. don't really shake ass hard like I used to unless I'm away on vacation or around folks I want to dance with. No one in there was fine, so naturally, I danced mostly by myself and this other kid from High School. Sat down more often than I usually do...and this dude almost sat on top of me! I choked out of shock. I've never been almost-sat upon in a club. He apologized over and over, told me how fine he thought I was, and I forgave him. I'm a sucker for a compliment, shoot me.


So at about 4:3o, the spot shuts down. We get in the car and re-cap for the night. Let's call this section:


The Things that Wack Dry Niggas Do


So, Lil Rob was there. I'm sure you remember him from the Ashy Dick picture mail blog. Yeah. Him. Now, no one really knows that K tapped that. Cha is her close friend, but apparently Rob has had a crush on her (Cha) for 7 years. He told her so last night. And I believe his math. Afterall, he is an accountant. So Cha was like although he's sexy, she could never mess with him because he's so wack. She was sitting on his lap and he was moving his pecs to the beat of the music and had the nerve to ask her did she like what he was doing. We laughed him to shame and scorn.


Then K chimed in with her own story about Obese.


Obese had the nerve to tell K that he wanted his last and final hurrah to be with her before he got married.


Most gangsta part of all:

his fiancee was in the place standing close by.


Men like that scare me. Cause I know his fiancee doesn't think he'd cheat on her, with him looking the way he looks and her looking the way she does. You think this mafucka would feel lucky. But no! He's feeling himself, thinking that he can bag the next fly chick.


So K said she told him "Naw, boo. I don't mess with obese niggas."


We're all falling out laughing. Then Cha almost killed me when she said:


"What the fuck?! That nigga weigh like 428 pounds. He better be glad someone wanna marry his ass, someone pretty at that. I don't know why. Maybe she's a chub-chaser"


Then we talked about the other crimes being committed in the place.


So after we dropped Cha and them off in QB, we head back to NB, where K immediately called Lil Rob and told him how wack he was. She scolded him about flexing his pecs and let him know it was corny. Man, I love her. She's a beast. She will say whatever. I admire her for that shit.


I got in the house around 5:30. My room was a flaminghotmess because my outfit was last minute and everything was thrown on the bed. So I cleaned up, showered (so I could sleep late for church) and as soon as I slide in the bed, guess who gets to texting me:


Yup, drunken munchkin; talking about why can't we just f/ck for old times sake.


Ho, please.


I cannot wait to move back to my beloved DC/MD area... because this shit right here?


No words.


xomoniexoxo!